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The Rain, In Spain, Mainly Lies On A Plane

, , , , | Romantic | September 24, 2012

(We are on a flight to Lanzarote in the Canary Islands. It’s my very first commercial flight, and my boyfriend and I are on our first holiday together. We haven’t managed to sit together on the plane, so I’ve been trying to act cool, even though I’m really excited. Halfway through the flight, I get up and go to see him in the next compartment.)

Me: *loudly, looking out of his window* “Look, the Bay of Biscay! It looks exactly like it does on the map!”

Boyfriend: “Cartographers don’t lie, dear.”

(The whole compartment started laughing, and he’s never let me live it down.)


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The Cosplayer Is Always Right

, , , , , , | Right | August 2, 2012

(Our Japanese restaurant is near a school that annually hosts an anime convention. So, it’s fairly common to have cosplayers among our customers at the time of the con. The owner is okay with it as long as they don’t annoy the other customers. On this day, we seat twelve cosplayers and, later, I seat three young customers near them.)

Young Customer #1: “What is this? Why are those guys costumed?”

Me: “Oh, there’s a large anime convention ongoing at the local school. It’s rather common to see them at the times of the gathering.”

Young Customer #1: *chuckles* “Yeah, what a bunch of dorks.”

Young Customer #2: “Total nerds.”

(Since there are no other free tables and they didn’t pre-order a table, they sit near the cosplayers while mocking them under their breath. In the meantime, a cosplayer of Pikachu is talking somewhat loudly on his phone.)

Young Customer #2: *waves at me* “Hey, you! Tell those dorks to shut up!”

Halo Cosplayer: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir.” *to ‘Pikachu’* “Dude, not so loud. You’re bothering people.”

Pikachu Cosplayer: “What? Oh, sorry to bother you guys.” *starts talking again, but much quieter*

Young Customer #3: “Yeah, that’s right. Shut up, you virgin nerd!”

Young Customer #1: “Go back to the library, virgins!”

(At this point, I warn the owner about the behavior of the younger customers. He immediately goes to their table.)

Owner: “What seems to be the problem?”

Young Customer #1: “It’s not our fault. Those nerds started to insult us! We’re not going to stay here and do nothing!”

Owner: “My staff told me the contrary, actually.”

Young Customer #3: “What?! That b**** waitress is lying!”

Owner: “Sir, I won’t allow you to insult my staff or customers. Those cosplayers were extremely polite and quiet during their meals, unlike you. If someone must be thrown out, it’s you.”

(In the blink of an eye, one of the young customers gets up and tries to grab the owner. However, to our surprise, one of the cosplayers playing Batman grabs him by the hair, slams him on the table, and holds him still.)

Young Customer #1: “OW! That f***ing hurts! Who the f*** do you think you are, you motherf***er?!”

Batman Cosplayer: *in a raspy tone* “I am vengeance. I am the night. I am… Batman.”

(The two other customers began to yell, but quickly shut up when all the cosplayers got up and surrounded them, showing that most of them were clearly larger. The mall security arrested the bad customers, and the cosplayers left after apologizing for the trouble. However, it was not before we snapped a picture with them. Now, we frequently joke about that time when Batman, Pikachu, and Master Chief saved the restaurant!)


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When In Rome (Or Spain)

, , | Right | January 3, 2012

(An American customer approaches me as I work at the customer service counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint!”

Me: “Sure, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Why are all the road signs in f***ing Spanish? Aren’t you all supposed to be speaking English? If you’re going to live here, speak English!”

Me: “We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language.”


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