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Making A New Disappointment

| Right | July 28, 2016

(This patient has missed two appointments back to back before this one. An hour before her appointment she gets her mother to call in sick for her. She’s in her mid 20s. We have a 24-hour cancellation policy that I waved for the first two missed appointments.)

Reception: “Due to policy, we will have to charge your daughter for this missed appointment.”


Reception: “I’m sorry but it is policy. You daughter missed two appointments in a row before this appointment. I’m sorry but there will be a charge.”

Customer’s Mom: “FINE! She’ll just never come back in then.”

(The mother is a regular of mine. And, just because you don’t come in doesn’t mean you can get out of paying.)

Trying To Tip You Over The Edge

| Right | May 5, 2016

(I work at a popular spa, and we frequently get customers in to buy gift cards.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Spa]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes, I want to buy a gift card for a prenatal massage. I have a $10 off coupon.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So you now you just owe $64 instead of $74 since you gave me your coupon.”

Customer: “Okay, can I add tip onto there, too?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. How much could I put on here for you?”

Customer: “Better make it $20.”

(I ring her out, and charge her $64 for the gift card and another $20 for the pre-paid tip so now she owes a total of $84.)

Me: “Okay, great. Your total is $84. How would you like to pay for that?”

Customer: “Wait, why am I being charged $84? You just said the massage is only $64.”

Me: “Yes, but you added $20 on for tip, so that equals $84.”

Customer: “But the massage is $64.”

Me: “Yes. You added $20 for tip. All together that is $84.”

Customer: “But I gave you a coupon.”

Me: “Yes… which brought down the pre-natal massage total down to $64 instead of $74. You then added tip.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves. About ten minutes later, I see her walking back into my store:)

Customer: “Excuse me, I just bought this gift card for a pre-natal massage and I was charged $84 instead of $64, why?”

Me: “Yes… you added $20 tip.”

Customer: “But why was I charged $84?”

Me: “…You were charged $64 for the massage on the gift card, and then you added $20 onto the gift card as a pre-paid tip.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves again. About 20 minutes later, we get a call at the spa.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Spa]. How may I help you?”

Same Customer: “Hi, I just bought a gift card from you guys and I bought it for $64. I just looked at my receipt and it says I was charged $84. Why?”

Me: *sighs*

Trying To Massage An Awkward Situation

| Right | December 31, 2015

(Due to my stressful job, I regularly indulge myself in beauty culture or massages to help me relax. This time, I’m forced to cancel a long-awaited appointment two hours before it’s due. The following texting ensues.)

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Therapist], I’m so sorry I won’t make it today. I’ll contact your assistant next week for a new appointment. Hopefully it won’t be a problem. Thanks for your understanding.”

Therapist: “That’s okay.”

(I thought nothing of it, until I received a second text half an hour later.)

Therapist: “Actually, this is not okay. I want you to know this is very rude to let me now only two hours before the appointment, instead of telling me yesterday or so. This is very inappropriate and you should be ashamed.”

(I guess she needed to pass her anger at me, but I decided I wouldn’t let her ruin my day, so I answered.)

Me: “I also could have chosen not to let you know at all, but I thought it was more decent to tell you. I agree I owe you an explanation. See, I’m having my period right now and I’m suffering enough to consider that a belly massage isn’t such a good idea. Since I’ve been such a rude person, I hope you will accept my apologies, but your answer let me guess that you don’t really need more customers. I sincerely hope you will overcome the irritation.”

(No news after this. The kicker ? She was supposed to give massages to help you with your anger management. I guess she would have needed one too!)

Very Bad Reception, Part 13

| Working | August 5, 2015

(At our spa, due to the physical nature of the job and risk of injury if you overwork yourself, all therapists are asked to choose a maximum number of service hours they can work in a day, and a maximum number of hours they can work in a row. Receptionists then schedule clients around those limitations. My numbers are 3/6 [3 max hours in a row, 6 max in a day]. One receptionist is somewhat notorious for overbooking people and causing issues as it is unprofessional to call clients up and cancel appoints they’ve booked.)

Receptionist #1: *as I walk in at the start of the day* “Hey, [My Name], come here for a second.” *shows me the schedule for the day* “Someone wanted to book an appointment tonight. If we could move [Client #1] up a half hour that would give you a break at 5:00 so we could fit her in. Now, he said he couldn’t do that, but I was wondering if I could just put her in anyway.”

Me: *takes a second to process, then does a double take when I hear what she wants* “Wait, so you just want to put her in ‘here’ anyway?”

Receptionist #1: “Yeah, can I do that?”

Me: “No. That would give me five hours of clients pretty much in a row.”

Receptionist #1: “Okay, just wanted to check with you first.”

(Later that night, well after Receptionist #1 has left for the day:)

Receptionist #2: *catches me as I come out of a session* “Uh… [My Name]? We have a problem. This client showed up saying that someone earlier told her we could squeeze her in with you tonight. She wasn’t on the schedule, but she’s sitting up front already and waiting for a massage.”

Me: “What?! Oh. Oh, I’m gonna kill [Receptionist #1].”

Receptionist #2: “She already left for the day.”

Me: “I know that. She asked if she could put someone in there earlier and I told her no. She must have done it anyway.”

Receptionist #2: “I hate to ask but we can’t really send her away. Can you take her.”

Me: “Yeah, nothing for it now. Give me a second. I have to see my last client out and get a room ready.”

(I rush around and manage to get people in and out relatively on time. Later, Receptionist #2 sees me rushing around again before my last client with some anger in my eyes and practically growling to myself.)

Receptionist #2: “You doing okay, [My Name]?”

Me: “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just gonna tear [Receptionist #1] into pieces.”

Receptionist #2: “Yeah, this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this, right?”

Me: “Rend flesh… splinter bones…”

Receptionist #2: “Oh, geez…”


Something New Under The Sun

| Working | August 4, 2014

Coworker: “Man, it’s such a beautiful day out today!”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Coworker: “Yes, it is! The sun is gorgeous!”

Me: “The sun is evil.”

Coworker: “No, it isn’t.”

Me: “Yes, it is. The sun makes everything worse.”

Coworker: “You’re just saying that because you’re a vampire.”

(It is well known among my coworkers that I emphatically prefer nighttime to daytime.)

Me: “My love of the night not withstanding, the sun IS a bad thing. It makes the weather worse.”

Coworker: “Not today. It’s beautiful out.”

Me: “It’s bright, and ‘glarey.’ The sun is just blinding and abrasive and it makes the weather worse. You know how they say the sun is a big ball of fire in space? That’s BS. I want to meet the quack scientist who came up with that theory.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: *singsong voice* “The sun isn’t some magic ball of fire that warms our planet and whose heat we couldn’t live without!” *end singsong* “I believe in the scientific process, so check this: In summer, when it’s hot and humid and you just want it to be cold, what does the sun do?”

Coworker: “It makes things hotter.”

Me: “Exactly. BUT what about in the winter? When it’s cold and freezing and you just want it to warm up. What does the sun do then?”

Coworker: “It… makes things warm?”

Me: “No. Think back, we just got hit by that polar vortex this winter. The warmest days were cloudy and rainy, because rain is good and moderates the temperature. The COLDEST days there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Bright, shiny, glarey days that were easily colder than when a blizzard was coming through.”

Coworker: *tries to protest, but gets caught short as she thinks back and realizes this was true*

Me: “SO… in the winter, the sun just makes things even colder. The sun ISN’T some magic ball of life giving heat. The sun is the eye of a malevolent God. It gazes down upon us like a physical presence, weighing us down and making everything worse. It makes us cold in the winter, it makes us hot in the summer, it blinds us as we drive, and agitates the air around us making the air thicker and unpleasant.”

Coworker: *seems to want to argue the ‘eye of a malevolent god’ comment, but is still digesting that most of what I said reflects her experience*

Me: “And now you know. We’re only awake during the day because ‘everyone else is.’ Ignore the sun, revel in the night, don’t be another slave to the brilliance. You can thank me later.”