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Massaging The Numbers

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2018

(Our massage chain requires a credit, debit, or gift card to hold the appointment if you don’t have a membership, as there is a charge for same-day cancellation.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I have you scheduled for [appointment details]. I just need to put a card on file to hold the appointment.”

Customer: “I don’t have a credit card.”

Me: “That’s fine; we can hold it with a debit card or a [Massage Chain] gift card.”

Customer: “My girlfriend has my debit card; she took it with her.”

Me: “Okay. Unfortunately, the system will only let me save the appointment for an hour without a card on file. Can you call her and get the number by then?”

Customer: “Oh, I have the card number. It’s [ten-digit number].”

Me: “Sir, I do need the rest of the card number. I can’t hold the appointment without it.”

Customer: “Okay, sorry. It’s [same ten-digit number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that isn’t a card number. I need the sixteen-digit number from the front of your card, and the expiration date.”

Customer: “I don’t have a credit card!”

Me: “That’s perfectly fine, sir. Your debit card will work.”

Customer: “But my girlfriend has the card! I have the account and routing number!”

(I know that some places can bill from the account, but our system doesn’t allow it. It will only accept a card number. Even knowing this, I check with my boss, who confirms that we cannot hold it with the account number.)

Me: “I’m sorry; the system won’t allow me to input that number. There just isn’t a field to type it in. I can only hold it with the card number, which I know your girlfriend has with her. You can call her to get the card number, or wait for her to get home and see if the appointment is still open.”

Customer: “I found it! Here the card number. It’s [same ten-digit number].”

Me: “Sir, I can’t use the account number. It just simply is not an option. Why don’t you call me back when you have the card number?”

(He calls back ten minutes later. There is now a regular customer in the lobby waiting for her appointment.)

Customer: “Okay, I have the card number. It’s [same ten-digit number, with six extra digits on the end].”

(I try to type it in, anyway, expecting it to not work.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that isn’t a valid card number.”

Customer: “It has sixteen digits! You said it needed sixteen digits!”

Me: “I did, but you can’t just take the account number and add digits to it; I need the whole card number from the front of the card.”

Customer: “But my girlfriend has the card!”

Me: “I understand that, sir, and I’ve tried to find several options that will work for you. It sounds like you just need to call me back once she gets home with the card.”

(I finally get him off the phone. The regular, who has tears in her eyes from laughing, comes up to the desk.)

Regular: “See, this is why I can’t work in customer service. I would have been swearing halfway through that call!”

Digging Their Nails Into Racist Stereotypes

, , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I run a mobile spa business. I am at a bridal party doing manicures. I am making small talk with the client, the mother of the bride.)

Mother Of The Bride: “So, is this your business, or do you work for someone?”

Me: “It’s my business.”

Mother Of The Bride: “Now all you need are the slanty eyes.”

Me: *speechless*

Makes You Want To Facepalm All Over Your Face

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2018

(I work at a spa that has a specialty body mask treatment. This mask can be placed anywhere except on the forehead, because it can burn your eyes when you are rinsing it. We warn guests before and after the treatment. After applying the product, we ask the guest if they would like some on their face, and simultaneously let them know not to place it on their forehead.)

Me: “All right! I am all done here. Would you like to apply some to your face?”

Guest: “Oh, sure! Please do so.”

Me: “All right, no problem. You can apply anywhere except your forehead, because when you wash it off it can seep into your eyes and it will burn.”

(I pour the rest of the product onto her hands.)

Guest: “Oh, sure. No problem, honey. Thank you very much.”

(The guest then applies the product all over her face and forehead.)

Me: “…”

They’re Just One Massage Away From A Meltdown

, , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I work at a massage clinic and spa where we employ several massage therapists who all set their own schedules. Some work plenty of hours, and others work much more limited time slots, which is why we encourage their clients to book out as far out in advance as possible so they can stay with their preferred therapist. A married couple has just been in, both of them very loyal to one particular therapist who only works weekends and is incredibly popular. Most people, when hearing that [Therapist] is booked out solid for two months, are understandably disappointed but are willing to try a different therapist in the meantime. This customer is not one of those people.)

Me: “It looks like [Therapist] isn’t available until [date two months from now].”

Customer: “What? Are you kidding me? That’s unacceptable!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. If you’d like, I can put you and your husband on our cancellation list in case anything opens up. In the meantime, we could schedule you with someone else—”

Customer: “No! I refuse to let anyone except [Therapist] touch me! It’s ridiculous that I have to book out that far and have your membership take money from me when I can’t get appointments!”

Husband: *trying to calm his spouse* “We usually book out a couple months out because he’s busy. We let it slip the last few times.”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! It’s bad customer service! If I ran my business like this, I wouldn’t be in business right now!”

Me: “If you’d like, sir, we could waive your next few payments so you don’t have to worry about your membership fees—”

Customer: *interrupting* “Stop trying to make me happy! You won’t! This is terrible customer service!”

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience—”

Customer: *interrupting me YET AGAIN* “It isn’t your fault! But this awful service!”

Me: *internally wondering why he’s yelling at me if this isn’t my fault*

(The customer finally leaves to go smoke. His husband approaches the counter looking embarrassed by the whole incident — as I try not to burst into tears — and books a few appointments out before leaving promptly. My coworker has witnessed the whole thing.)

Coworker: “What does he mean by ‘bad customer service’?! If [Therapist] is booked up that far in advance, it means he’s really good!”

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Strongly Massaging Their Need To Use The Restroom

, , , , | Right | October 8, 2018

(I work at a locally-owned massage business as a receptionist. A fairly skinny woman comes in:)

Customer: “Hi, I want to make an appointment, but can I use your bathroom really quick? I’m pregnant and have to pee all the time.”

(I notice she’s not visibly pregnant, but brush it off.)

Me: “Okay, it’s upstairs, the first room on the right.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

(She looks around and says, fairly loudly:)

Customer: “WOW! THIS PLACE IS GORGEOUS!” *runs upstairs*

(She’s upstairs for a long time, when finally I hear the bathroom door shut. She doesn’t come down for a while. I hear her thumping around upstairs, and then finally she comes down, in a rush.)

Customer: “I JUST REMEMBERED; I HAVE TO MEET MY SISTER! I’LL BE BACK. BYE!” *rushes out the door*

(I knew she took something, but we don’t keep anything valuable upstairs. She took a metal bowl and a desk clock, but the weirdest part was that she crumpled up a newly-folded blanket and threw it in the corner. She never came back.)