Trying To Massage An Awkward Situation

| Lyon, France | Health & Body

(Due to my stressful job, I regularly indulge myself in beauty culture or massages to help me relax. This time, I’m forced to cancel a long-awaited appointment two hours before it’s due. The following texting ensues.)

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Therapist], I’m so sorry I won’t make it today. I’ll contact your assistant next week for a new appointment. Hopefully it won’t be a problem. Thanks for your understanding.”

Therapist: “That’s okay.”

(I thought nothing of it, until I received a second text half an hour later.)

Therapist: “Actually, this is not okay. I want you to know this is very rude to let me now only two hours before the appointment, instead of telling me yesterday or so. This is very inappropriate and you should be ashamed.”

(I guess she needed to pass her anger at me, but I decided I wouldn’t let her ruin my day, so I answered.)

Me: “I also could have chosen not to let you know at all, but I thought it was more decent to tell you. I agree I owe you an explanation. See, I’m having my period right now and I’m suffering enough to consider that a belly massage isn’t such a good idea. Since I’ve been such a rude person, I hope you will accept my apologies, but your answer let me guess that you don’t really need more customers. I sincerely hope you will overcome the irritation.”

(No news after this. The kicker ? She was supposed to give massages to help you with your anger management. I guess she would have needed one too!)

Coupon Is Off

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

Customer: “I want to use this Groupon for my massage today; your manager said I could.”

(I look at the Groupon and it is for a competitor. I explain this to her.)

Customer: “Well, your manager said I could use this…”

(I call the manager who says that she claimed it was expired, not for a completely different store.)

Me: “Ma’am, I spoke with my manager and he agreed to let you use an expired Groupon, not one for a completely different location.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous!!! I’m calling the BBB and putting you on Facebook!”

Me: “Well, ma’am. I’m so sorry but I cannot allow you to use this but I can give you our member rate today and give you a free half hour massage on your next visit which is $80 in savings.”

Customer: “But I already paid for this Groupon and I WANT TO USE IT NOW!”

Me: “I understand your frustration, ma’am, but I cannot allow you to use this at this clinic as it is not for our store but for our competitors.”

Customer: “Well you just don’t want me to come in here. You hate people like me don’t you? You’re racist!”

(I am confused as both the customer and I are white.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to need you to watch your language and calm down. Again, I cannot let you use this at this store but I can offer you up to $80 in savings and you will be paying less than you originally paid for the Groupon.”

Customer: “No! I ALREADY PAID FOR THIS F****** THING! I’M GOING TO THE BBB AND PUTTING YOU ON FACEBOOK! YOU PEOPLE ARE WORTHLESS AND EVIL!”

Me: “Ma’am, can I ask you just one question? Do you get mad when you go to Walmart and they don’t let you use Target Gift Cards?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Oh… well… just, NEVERMIND, YOU HEATHEN!”

(The customer walked out and never did get her massage. I also never heard from the BBB or corporate about being ‘blasted’ on Facebook.)

A Very Shallow Pool Of Intelligence

| AR, USA | Extra Stupid

(The phone rings.)

Customer: “I need to get sand for my pool filter.”

Me: “Okie doke, how much sand do you need?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “If you look on your filter, it will usually tell you how much it uses.”

Customer: “I’m looking at it right now. It doesn’t say how much it needs.”

Me: “Does it say anything on it at all?”

Customer: “Yes it has a serial number.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “300-L-B-S.”

(I pause.)

Customer: “Does that help?”

Me: “I will have your sand ready to pick up in 15 minutes.”