A Big Mayo No No, Part 5

, , , , , , | | Working | May 17, 2018

(I am running late and don’t have time to make lunch in the morning, so I think I’ll treat myself at a nearby fast food restaurant that has a drive-thru. I pull up to the speaker, and ask for a [chicken sandwich], no mayo.)

Employee: “What mayo was that?”

Me: “No mayo, please.”

Employee: “Hot mayo?”

Me: “No. NO mayonnaise, please. None. No mayo.”

Employee: “So, like, plain?”

Me: “I guess.”

(At the first window, as I pay, I confirm that the sandwich will have all the salad, etc., just no mayo.)

Employee: “Yes, no problem.”

(I’m sceptical. Luckily, there’s nobody immediately behind me when I pull up to the second window to get my food, so I check. Yeah, it’s missing all the salad; it’s literally just a chicken burger in a dry bun. I ask for it to be rectified, and the lady argues with me that I ordered it plain, so it came plain. Eventually a manager comes over,and tells me the same thing. Apparently, it is impossible to order a [chicken sandwich] without mayo but still with the other bits. By now, they’re showing me the ordering system screen, so I can see their predicament. They don’t understand that I don’t care, and all I want is for them to stick their token lettuce, onions, etc., in the thing so I can at least pretend to be vaguely healthy. They go through all the permutations of ordering the [chicken sandwich] until I suggest something.)

Me: “Choose, ‘spicy mayo.’”

(They did it. An option then appeared for “no mayo.” Their system was set up that they had to choose one of the three mayo options — cool, spicy, chilli — to able to remove it. And it took someone who had never seen that system before to work it out.)

A Big Mayo No No, Part 4
A Big Mayo No No, Part 3
A Big Mayo No No, Part 2

A Middling Successful Attempt

, , , , , , | Working | May 8, 2018

(I work as a lot attendant at a grocery store. The produce manager there has a running gag where he will occasionally say an employee’s first name, a random middle name, and their last name, when calling them to his department over the PA. Everyone gets a kick out of it. One day when I’m inside for safety reasons due to a thunderstorm, it goes a step further.)

Manager: *on PA* “[My First Name]… [My Real Middle Name]… [My Last Name]… Come to produce, please.”

(I try very hard to contain my laughter as I make my way to the produce department.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], what’s up? By the way, I’ll be honest: I wasn’t expecting you to get it on the first try!”

(We both burst out laughing. It turns out that was the first time in over 20 years working for the company that he accidentally got an employee’s full name right.)

Free Numbers Do Not Free Up Staff

, , , , , | Working | April 26, 2018

About six months ago, the company I work for decided to create a new small team to deal with what they call “pre-sales inquiries.” Basically, it is a product information line; they can help tell you if product X we sell is compatible with product Y, etc., or what the most suitable product would be for a certain installation, and where to buy or order them. The idea is to free up the Customer Services team to deal with inquiries from people who have already bought our products and have a problem with them.

I work in the technical side of the business, so I was asked to provision a Freephone number for this new team. Our Customer Service line is a low-cost, but still chargeable call, so this would be the only Freephone number in the business. Despite my protests, the management insisted; apparently it will encourage customers to buy our products if they can get free information. I can’t argue with that, but you can see the approaching issue, can’t you?

Sure enough, customers have now caught on to the fact that you can dial the Freephone number, and ask to be put through to customer service. The pre-sales team have been keeping a tally; this morning alone they have taken over 50 calls that were actually for customer service. Management still can’t understand what’s going on. They’ve asked to make sure all the websites have the correct numbers on. They do.

Certifiably Bad Service

, , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

(My car insurance is due for renewal, and I’ve received a letter that tells me that not only will it be £200 more than last year, but they’ve taken the business coverage off, which I need occasionally to drive to meetings, etc, for work. I double-check last year’s documents, then call the renewals helpline. I get through to a customer service representative who confirms my details, then asks how she can help.)

Me: “I need to add business coverage back on, and I’m wondering why the premium has increased so much, particularly as I have an extra year of No Claims Bonus now.”

Representative: “I’m looking at your account now, sir, and you didn’t have business coverage last year; that’s why we haven’t quoted for it this year.”

Me: “Yes, I did. I’ve got last year’s policy documents in front of me. It’s on there.”

Representative: “No, your policy didn’t have that coverage last year.”

Me: “It did. I have the certificate here.”

Representative: “I can see your policy from last year, sir, and it’s not on there.”

Me: “Well, it is, because I have the certificate. Can you see the certificate?”

Representative: “I can see on my system that you didn’t have it.”

Me: “Can you look at the certificate, please? It’s definitely on there.”

Representative: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir; you didn’t have that coverage.”

Me: “So, you can’t see my current certificate on your system? The one that’s still valid until the fifth?”

Representative: “Sir, arguing with me isn’t going to help if it wasn’t on there.”

Me: “This is ridiculous. Do you want me to send you a picture of the certificate I have here?”

Representative: “That won’t be necessary; I can see it on my system.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD!”

Representative: “Oh, yes, I can see that it shows you had business coverage last year.”

Me: “I know.”

Representative: “That’s weird, because it’s not on the system.”

Me: “So, can you add it to my coverage for next year?”

Representative: “No. The underwriter doesn’t offer business insurance any more.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD!”

Representative: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Me: “No, I guess I’ll go with the quote I got online that was half the price you were quoting, then.”

Representative: “Would it be okay if I put you through to an automated survey where you can rate your satisfaction with my service today, please?”

Me: “I don’t think you want to do that.”

Needs A Recruiter Rebooter

, , , , , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

I am looking for a new job, having been made redundant at short notice from my previous company. I have a really good interview with a company on a Thursday morning, but I feel the job isn’t right for me. I feed this back to the recruiter on Thursday afternoon. I hear from a different recruiter on Friday afternoon that they’ve got a temp job for me starting Monday, so I go along to that on Monday morning. It’s not brilliant, but I know how to do it, and it is only for a couple of weeks, with no notice period, so I’m happy to stay there until something more permanent comes up.

At lunchtime I look at my personal phone for the first time since I arrived at 8:30 am. There are three missed calls from a number I don’t recognise, two missed calls from the first recruiter’s number, and two voicemails.

The first voicemail is the person who interviewed me on Thursday, asking very nicely if the recruiter actually let me know what time to start, etc.

The second voicemail is an angry tirade from the recruiter’s manager, asking why I hadn’t turned up.

I phone back to explain I hadn’t actually taken the job. The recruiter is off on holiday for two weeks, so I am put through to the angry manager. It appears the company told the recruiter to offer me the job before I’d told him that I didn’t want it. He’d accepted it on my behalf, and to meet his bonus target before the end of the month, hadn’t told them I didn’t want it. He’d actually gone to the trouble of filling out all my details on the paperwork I was supposed to do on that Friday. His boss is not happy when I tell him I haven’t done it.

About a month later when the temp job comes to an end, I apply for another role with the original recruitment company, which I eventually take. I ask what happened to the original recruiter.

“Oh, he left,” I am told. “What happened?” I ask, feigning ignorance. “Well, he got back from holiday, there was a lot of shouting in our manager’s office, and he walked out.”

I explain what happen to me.

“Oh, he did that to you, as well? Yeah, that was one of his tricks. I guess he tried it too many times.”

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