(I live in a noisy area and today has been a bit extra loud. I recently got a new dog, and we are still working on the whole “no barking or growling” thing.)

Me: *sitting quietly at the table*

Dog: *sudden loud growl*

Me: *looks at the dog* “What?”

Dog: *growls, then looks at me*

Me: “Do you hear something?”

Dog: *looks down and growls*

Me: *hears a very faint noise from outside* “Well, they aren’t banging on the door, now, are they?”

Dog: *looks back at me, growls quietly*

Me: “If they aren’t banging on the door, we don’t need to growl at them, then, do we?”

Dog: *looks away, growls even more quietly* 

Me: “Remember that other people are allowed to live outside?”

Dog: *looks at me and gives the tiniest of growls*

Me: *raises eyebrows at the dog* “Well?”

Dog: *sighs*

(I work for a large bank in the call center. I basically answer customers’ questions about their accounts. We have an automated system to direct customers to the right department since we have so many different areas.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help today?”

Customer: “Your computer system is so stupid. It really needs to learn English. I told it to repeat itself and it had no idea what I was saying. I kept saying, ‘Repeat, repeat.’ Do you know what repeat means?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Well, so should your computer lady. I speak English and it should understand me since this is America, and it shouldn’t bring me to you. I just wanted it to repeat.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir. Is there something I could help you with today?”

Customer: “All I want is my last five transactions. There was a $500 and a $30 transaction. What came next?”

Me: “Would you like both your pending and posted transa—”

Customer: “Just give them to me. Just do what I ask.”

Me: “Okay, I apologize, just wanted—”

Customer: “Just tell me.”

Me: “Okay, there was a $35, $18.53, $20.01—”

Customer: “What about the $500 and $30?”

Me: “Well, sir, since you told me about those, I figure you didn’t need me to tell them to you.”

Customer: “Thanks for your no help.” *hangs up*

Me: *facepalm*

(I work behind the customer service counter at a grocery store. I’m used to people leaving stuff at the counter for us to watch while they run out to their cars: groceries, shopping carts, whatever. But this is new.)

Customer: *approaches the counter with a one-year-old in the child seat of a shopping cart* “Is it cool if I leave her here for a few minutes? I need to run out to the car.”

Me & Coworker: “Uh…?”

Customer: “I’ll be right back.”

(She pushed the shopping cart with the baby behind the counter and ran out of the store. Fortunately, my coworker was able to keep the baby entertained until her mom came back a few minutes later!)

(My family is seated at a restaurant and we start to order.)

Waitress: *to my father* “What will you have today, sir?”

(None of us have been to this restaurant before, so we ask what’s good and, since the waitress is obviously new, this takes a while.)

Dad: “Okay, I’ll have bacon burger and fries.”

Waitress: “I am sorry, sir, but we are all out of fries this evening.”

Dad: *questioning look* “What kind of restaurant doesn’t sell fries?!”

(My dad began to storm out and we all followed accordingly; we ended up going to a fast food restaurant across the street.)

(I’m working in a grocery store, straightening up the cans of tomatoes on the shelf.)

Customer: “Canned tomatoes?”

(That’s what she opened with. No “hello,” no “excuse me,” not alerting me to her presence in any way, shape, or form. I’m about to transfer to a different department and I don’t really care anymore.)

Me: “We have them.”

Customer: *really cranky with me now* “Well, where are they?”

Me: *pointing to the shelf directly in front of her* “Right here.”

(She snatched the cans off the shelf and grumbled out of my life forever.)