(I work in a cafe that also serves ice cream. Customers can add toppings to their ice cream, and we usually have them tell us their allergies before we make their ice cream.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Are you thinking about getting ice cream or coffee?”

Customer: *who is really nice* “I want to get ice cream.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

Customer: “I’ll take vanilla with Reese’s cups.”

Me: “Okay.” *starts putting the order in*

Customer: “I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Me: *stops putting the order in* “Ma’am, Reese’s has peanuts in it. Are you sure you want Reese’s in your ice cream?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m definitely allergic to peanuts.” *proceeds to pull an epi-pen out of her purse* “But I’m not allergic to the peanuts in Reese’s.”

Me: *stutters* “Okay, so, you really want Reese’s in your ice cream, but you are allergic to peanuts.”

Customer: *still happy* “Yeah. So, make sure you use a new scoop and rinse everything, just in case there’s peanut residue. I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Me: *completely stupefied* “Okay, is that all today?”

Customer: “No, I have another order for ice cream. My daughter wants vanilla with cherries. But she’s allergic to dairy, so make sure your ice cream is dairy-free.”

(The customer wound up getting all her ice cream, and neither of them had an allergic reaction in the store.)

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 14
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12

(This happened when I was newly eighteen and working as a cashier at a popular retail chain. I’m only five feet tall and look very young for my age, but most people, even if they joke about my baby face, are aware that I’m older than I look. In this instance, an elderly couple comes through my line and are very quiet and make no conversation other than what is necessary. A few minutes after they’ve left, my floor manager comes up to me.)

Manager: “You are not going to believe what just happened. This old couple came up to me all angry and threatening to call child services over you. They thought you were, like, eleven!”

(I am 34 weeks pregnant and have to make a run into a large chain store. I run in wearing my pajamas because I am feeling bloated and the store itself is infamous for its casual, if at times shocking, clothes. I am currently waiting in line at the self-checkout when the middle-aged customer behind me decides she has something to say about it. She is wearing average clothing at best, nothing fancy.)

Rude Woman: *derisively* “I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing pajamas in public. Don’t you have any shame? Girls these days just go out wearing any d*** thing!”

Me: *turns around* “It’s not my fault only one of us can afford maternity clothes.”

Rude Woman: *starts sputtering before rushing to another line*

(The look on her face was worth leaving the house that day!)

Related:
Pajama Drama, Part 4
Pajama Drama, Part 3
Pajama Drama, Part 2

(I used to work at a historic museum giving tours of the dungeon. I left to pursue a full-time job in my home state, but a few months ago I returned to the city to visit friends and had this conversation with a former coworker. It should also be noted that I tend to have very low self-esteem and have terrible luck in the dating department.)

Coworker: “Oh, by the way, we were going through the comment cards on the dungeon tours, and apparently, a lot of people liked you!”

Me: “Oh, good! I really enjoyed giving the tours.”

Coworker: “Yeah, apparently, you got a bunch of phone numbers, too.”

Me: “Wait. What?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I guess a lot of people thought you were cute and wanted to give you their number.”

Me: “Did you save the comment cards?”

Coworker: “No, [Boss] threw them away.”

Me: “[Coworker]! This could have been my only chance at true love! My soulmate could have been in those cards, and you threw them away!“

Coworker: “Hey, don’t blame me! It was [Boss]!”

(The boss’s wife, who lives above the museum, comes in with their toddler.)

Boss’s Wife: “Hey, [My Name]! Long time no see!”

Me: “YOUR HUSBAND IS STANDING IN THE WAY OF TRUE LOOOOOVE!”

Boss’s Wife: “We missed you, too.”

(I work at a Chinese restaurant that is owned by a family and has two locations. I’m taking a phone order for pickup.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Chinese Place] on [Location #1]. Is this pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “Pickup.”

Me: “Can I get a phone number?”

Customer: *gives number and name*

Me: “Okay, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I just need a shrimp fried rice, but I want the noodles instead of the rice.”

Me: *confused* “So, you want the shrimp lo mein?”

Customer: “No! I want the shrimp fried rice, with noodles instead of rice! I get this every time I go there!”

Me: *rings her up for shrimp lo mein* “Okay, is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer: “No. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

(An hour later the customer comes in, looking furious.)

Customer: “I went to the wrong place. I went to [Location #2] and they said they didn’t have my order. I need to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. One moment while I get her.”

(It takes a few minutes to get my manager since she is packing orders. While I am getting her, my coworker reads what the lady ordered.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your idiot employee sent me to the wrong location and put in the wrong order. I wanted the shrimp fried rice, with noodles instead of rice! I should not have to pay for this food if the service is going to be this bad.”

Manager: “I apologize if she didn’t tell you which location to go to. But the fried rice and lo mein are different meals and different prices.”

Customer: “I know about the price difference. The fried rice is cheaper, so I order that but with noodles.”

Manager: “We can’t do that. You have to order lo mein if you want noodles. Have a nice day.”

(She walks back to the kitchen.)

Customer: *to me* “I want your corporate number. I have never been treated like this before.”

Me: “We are a family-owned business; there is no corporate number.”

Customer: “Well, then, I’ll just call the cops and tell them how you are all crooks!”

(She did call the cops. When they got there, she told them what had happened. They talked with both my manager and the owner. The lady was ticketed for making a false emergency call. We haven’t seen her since.)