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Find Their Calling Young In Life

, , , | Related | April 2, 2018

(My husband calls his mother over the hands-free system while we’re driving, which mystifies our two-year-old daughter.)

Daughter: “Hear Nanna! Hear Nanna!”

Me: “Yes, we can hear Nanna on the phone over the speakers!”

(The next day, we have to call Nanna again, but there’s an issue with the connection, so my husband has to repeat the voice command. Our daughter reacts in the same way. After the call is over:)

Daughter: “Hear Nanna! Hear Nanna!”

Me: *figuring out what she wants* “Oh, no, it only works for Daddy’s voice.”

Daughter: “Hear Nanna! Hear Nanna!” *pauses* “CAALL MAAAM!”

(We could not contain the shock or laughter. We know she’s a total parrot, but she never ceases to amaze us with how much she absorbs.)

There Was No Elephant In The Room

, , , , , | Related | March 31, 2018

My family went to visit a museum devoted to the American Civil War. One of their features is a 360-degree movie reenactment of Union soldiers heading to and experiencing their first battle. The movie is entitled, “Seeing the Elephant,” after a contemporary metaphor that war, like an elephant, is something you have to see to really understand; in other words it is beyond description.

After the lights came back on, my five-year-old cried loudly, “But there was no elephant!”

Several other patrons hid their smiles and kindly agreed with her that, yes, the lack of elephants was certainly disappointing.


This story is part of the Elephant roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Silly And Strange Stories About Squirrels!

 

Read the next Elephant roundup story!

Read the Elephant roundup!

Cycling Straight Into Child Abuse

, , , , , , | Related | March 30, 2018

(This is before cell phones are commonplace. I’m a volunteer for a bike race that a cycling club puts on every year. The ride is a one- or two-day race that covers 202 miles and has 10,000 riders. I’m the lead coordinator for the chase cars, and usually the highest level person for whatever zone I’m in. Each zone has a stop, usually at a park, where people can rest, get food and drinks, and use restroom facilities. It’s getting late on the first day, about nine pm, right around sunset. I’m radioed asking if I am near one of the stops that is about 50 miles from the starting line. I let them know I am and they tell me there is a situation, so I head over.)

Me: *to the head stop volunteer* “Hey, what’s up?”

Volunteer: “We were starting to shut down the stop for the night, when we noticed her.”

(I look over to where there are a few volunteers with a child that looks to be no more than seven. They have a blanket wrapped around her and have given her some hot chocolate to drink.)

Me: “Hi, hun. How are you? Where are your parents?”

Child: “My mommy is at home, but this was my weekend to see my daddy. He said we were going to have a fun bike ride. Then, he got mad because everyone was passing us and he said that I was slowing him down. Then, I started to cry, because he was yelling and this wasn’t a fun bike ride, so he said he knew somewhere that I could play and have all the donuts I wanted. It was really fun here, but now it’s dark and I want to go home.”

(She looks like she’s about to start crying.)

Me: “Well, we want to get you home. Do you know your mom’s phone number so we can have her pick you up?”

(She shakes her head no.)

Me: “No worries. How about this: was your daddy wearing a big piece of paper with a number on it?”

(She nods.)

Me: “Now think really hard. Do you remember the number?”

Child: *smiling* “Yes! He was really proud of it because of how low it was. It was 465!”

Me: “Great! Do you want to listen to music in my car while I call your mom to have her pick you up?”

(She went and sat in the car and quickly fell asleep. Meanwhile, I coordinated with different people to get the police there, along with pulling the guy’s registration sheet. One of the things listed was who to contact in an emergency. It took about two hours, but we were finally able to contact the girl’s mother and get her home safely. The father had a bunch of people eager to talk to him after he crossed the finish line. He was arrested for child endangerment. I hope he enjoyed his bike ride, since it was the last one he ever did with our organization.)

Some Adults Actually Believe This

, , , | Related | March 28, 2018

(I work at a convenience store. A customer with a boy of about seven comes to my register. They ring their items up and the customer swipes her card.)

Boy: “Mom, pick credit! That means you get your money back!”

Me: “Man, I wish that was how it worked.”

This Fear Comes In Many Languages

, , , , , | Related | March 27, 2018

(I am 17 years old. My mother and I are in Paris, France, for a couple of days so that I can take the entrance exam for one of the universities I’ve applied to. This conversation happens in French while waiting to go into the exam room. My family is mostly bilingual.)

Me: “I’m really nervous. What if I fail? I kept failing a lot of the general knowledge questions in the practice tests.”

Mom: “It’ll be fine; you’ll see. Want a hug?”

Me: *in English, taking a step back, unable to choose the best words* “No! I don’t love you in public.”

(A random person nearby burst out laughing at the horror in my voice at being seen in public with my mother.)