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Don’t Bank On A Search Engine

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests

(I work at a software company where our main clients are American. Depending on your Google search our ad often pops up first and being the receptionist I end up with a lot of calls like this…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company].”

Caller: “Hi, I can’t get into my bank account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this is a software company.”

Caller: “Huh? Google gave me this number to call and complain.”

(Realizing there is a good chance the caller is American I try another tactic.)

Me: “I do apologize, sir, but this is a software company located in Canada.”

Caller: “Well, then, why does your number show up as the person to call?!”

Me: “It depends on what you searched online.”

(After another minute of explaining he seems to get it.)

Caller: “Are you sure you aren’t the bank?”

Me: “Yes, sir, the company hasn’t magically changed in the past five minutes of talking to you.”

(I wish I could say this was a rare conversation but it happened almost every day.)

| G|ve Up

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(I am on a call with customer, I was trying to get her to type the “|” character:)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “It’s above the enter key, with the backslash.”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “Yes, you do; it’s above the “enter,” with the backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, you mean the brackets?”

Me: “No, it’s above the enter key, with the backslash. So it’s to the right of the brackets.”

Customer: “Do you mean my ‘L’ key? Because it’s rubbed off, so I can’t see it.”

Me: “No, it’s not the ‘L’ key. It’s above the enter key. With the backslash.”

Customer: *she finds the key* “OH, it’s a capital!”

Me: “Yes, a capital backslash.”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Did you use the shift? Without that, it’s just a backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, there it is!”

Muddling Through

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our company helps as an outsource development company, building games with other companies that don’t have enough manpower to complete them. These particular clients have never made a game before, have no art or gaming experience, and therefore have been incredibly difficult to work with. We have been revising a single icon for the interface for two days now, and both sides are becoming frustrated.)

Client: “It’s still MUDDY. The concept wasn’t muddy! Why do you have so much brown in there?! I can’t read any of it.”

Me: “The concept was clearer because it’s in black and white. You asked us to incorporate every color we’ve used in this so far. I don’t feel it’s muddy. We’ve reduced the only browns, the shields, down by almost 50%. I don’t understand what is reading as ‘muddy’ to you.”

Client: “The brown of everything! The brown clothes and brown hair and brown skin and brown shield—”

Me: “Wait. Are you telling me the hair and clothes read as brown to you?”

Client: “YES. I don’t understand why this is so difficult!”

Me: “The hair is bright red and the clothes are dark green. They are nowhere near brown. They are the exact colors as used by the character in the game.”

Client: “Ugh, whatever. I can’t see that! I’m COLORBLIND.”

Me: “So… let me get this straight. You are complaining about overuse of brown, when you can’t see colors properly?”

Client: “Right. Look. Just make it read better. Make the swords bigger.”

Me: “… I need a drink.”

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