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His Hate Engine Is Running Fine, However

| Bristol, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Technology, Transportation

(I work for a small software company that had previously been owned by a well-known breakdown cover provider.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve broken down; I need you to come and get me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this isn’t [Breakdown Cover Provider]; you have the wrong number.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I looked up the number on the Internet for the Bristol branch and it gave me this number. Don’t lie to me.”

Me: “This is a software company. We were previously owned by [Breakdown Cover Provider] but we haven’t been part of that company for a while.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have time for this; you have to sort it out. I’m stuck on the side of the road and I can’t look up the number from here.”

Me: “I thought you’d already looked up the number on your phone which is how you got this number.”

Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME! Give me the god-d*** number now!”

(I realise there is no point in arguing so I look up the number on my computer whilst he is screaming at me.)

Me: “Okay, sir, the number is [number]. I hope you get everything sorted. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Why couldn’t you just do that straight away instead of arguing with me? F*** YOU!” *hangs up*

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Don’t Bank On A Search Engine

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests

(I work at a software company where our main clients are American. Depending on your Google search our ad often pops up first and being the receptionist I end up with a lot of calls like this…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company].”

Caller: “Hi, I can’t get into my bank account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this is a software company.”

Caller: “Huh? Google gave me this number to call and complain.”

(Realizing there is a good chance the caller is American I try another tactic.)

Me: “I do apologize, sir, but this is a software company located in Canada.”

Caller: “Well, then, why does your number show up as the person to call?!”

Me: “It depends on what you searched online.”

(After another minute of explaining he seems to get it.)

Caller: “Are you sure you aren’t the bank?”

Me: “Yes, sir, the company hasn’t magically changed in the past five minutes of talking to you.”

(I wish I could say this was a rare conversation but it happened almost every day.)

| G|ve Up

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(I am on a call with customer, I was trying to get her to type the “|” character:)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “It’s above the enter key, with the backslash.”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “Yes, you do; it’s above the “enter,” with the backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, you mean the brackets?”

Me: “No, it’s above the enter key, with the backslash. So it’s to the right of the brackets.”

Customer: “Do you mean my ‘L’ key? Because it’s rubbed off, so I can’t see it.”

Me: “No, it’s not the ‘L’ key. It’s above the enter key. With the backslash.”

Customer: *she finds the key* “OH, it’s a capital!”

Me: “Yes, a capital backslash.”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Did you use the shift? Without that, it’s just a backslash.”

Customer: “Oh, there it is!”

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