A customer (late sixties to early seventies) came in, and right from the get-go, I knew what sort of person he was. He was loud, obnoxious, and arrogant. He wanted a small TV but:

Customer: “I don’t want any of that app bull-s***!”

Me: *Politely.* “Sir, ALL of our TVs have that. Whether you choose to use those features is up to you.”

I recommended a particular (cheap) one that would work easily as “just a TV”. He points to it and says:

Customer: “Get me one of those then, and give me a discount.”

At this point, I’d had enough of his attitude (I’d been serving him for a few minutes), so I stopped and said:

Me: “Sure. As soon as you say please.”

He glared at me, and we stood in silence for a second before he said:

Customer: “I don’t have to. I can shop elsewhere, you know?!”

Without even thinking, I just said:

Me: “Okay. I’d actually encourage that. Given your attitude, that’s probably best for BOTH of us. Have a pleasant day.”

I shot him a cheesy grin and walked off.

As it was, I walked straight up to another customer and closed a $4500 deal, which I would have missed out on had I wasted my time with that arrogant jerk.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, he went straight to the store manager and complained that I refused to serve him. To which the manager (not my direct boss) replied:

Manager: “Yeah, I’m not surprised. EVERYONE heard how rude you were. Goodbye!”

We all put up with a fair bit of s*** from entitled customers, but this guy got the wrong salesperson on the wrong day… and it was so satisfying!

It’s the holidays, which means everything is chaos. Items barely stay in stock, so when customers order online, they only have three days to pick up their orders before they’re refunded and put back on the floor.

A woman comes in the night before Christmas Eve and hands me her order number.

Customer: “I’m here to pick this up.”

I look at the order. It’s from a month ago.

Me: “Ma’am, you’re well past the pickup window. The order was refunded.”

She explodes.

Customer: “What?! No! I ordered it, so it should be waiting for me! That’s how it works!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s how it works if you collect your order within three days. That item was refunded, and as I know how popular that item is, I can tell you now we won’t be getting any more in until after Christmas.”

Customer: “You’re ridiculous! Lazy! Incompetent! You just don’t want to go to the back to get it for me!”

I’m on a double shift. I’m exhausted. And I’ve had enough. I project my voice so the entire surrounding area can hear.

Me: “There could not possibly be a more incompetent and idiotic human being than the one who tries to pick up an item three weeks after the pickup window, an hour before closing for Christmas, and demands an item that isn’t here, as if we can magically make one appear, and then insults the person helping her because she was too lazy to come pick up a simple doll.”

That’s what she ordered. A doll.

She goes red. The entire area goes silent. She demanded to speak to my manager.

Me: “My manager is at the customer service desk.”

I point to the desk with the line longer than those found at the checkouts.

Me: “The line for the desk has been cut off, so he won’t be able to see you until after Christmas. Would you like to put in a new order for the doll? We might have more in stock after January 6^th.”

Customer: “I hope you’re happy! You ruined my daughter’s Christmas!”

Me: “Ma’am, I work in retail, and we will be working here again in thirty-six hours. Happiness isn’t an option, and Christmases don’t last long enough to be ruined. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

She stormed out, and I went home on time to enjoy my one day off for the rest of the year…

I remember the Christmas Eve I finally snapped.

We close early at 6 PM. At 5:55, I’ve already locked three of the four doors. I have to keep one unlocked so the last customers checking out can leave, so I stay at the front fixing a display table and watching the doors.

Right at 6 PM, a woman starts pulling on each locked door until she finds the unlocked one. She walks in.

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “No, you’re not. A door is open.”

Me: “It’s unlocked for the paying customers who are leaving. We’re closed.”

She immediately starts arguing, yelling about my “lack of Christmas spirit,” how she has presents to buy, and calling me every name she can think of.

Me: “Listen, I have employees who want to get home to their families for the holiday. It’s not our fault you waited until 6 PM on Christmas Eve to do your shopping. We are closed. Final answer. If you don’t leave, mall security will be called.”

Customer: “No. If a door is open, then I can come in. That’s how it works.”

Me: “Then how do customers leave when they’re still in the store after closing?”

Customer: “That’s not my problem to solve.”

Me: “Yes, it’s mine. The first solution is telling you to get out. If that doesn’t work, we have a special tool we’re only allowed to crack open on Christmas Eve called ‘Santa’s Little Helper.’ This year, it was upgraded to include nails. Would you like to see it?”

The customer glared, but paled a little, and finally left.

After the New Year, my manager came up to me and said:

Manager: “Corporate got a complaint that an employee threatened to beat her up with a nail club, and I figured that might have been you…”

Since she was never officially in the store, I didn’t get into trouble, but my manager did tell me to try to get through the year without threatening to go ‘Mad Max’ on any more customers…

I worked in the dairy and frozen departments through high school and college. Stacking anything with expiration dates is h***. The worst? Yogurt. It’s fragile, it’s stacked tight, and one wrong move and the whole universe collapses. 

One day, an older woman is digging through the yogurt case, hunting for “the right date” and “the right flavor” combination. She’s basically dismantling the entire display one cup at a time.

If you’re a nice person, you smile, keep calm, and silently die inside.

My coworker, who had only been in retail for two weeks at that time, was not a nice person.

Without warning, he stuck his whole arm onto the shelf and swept.

Every single yogurt, two hundred plus cups, exploded out onto the floor and across her cart.

Coworker: “Try looking through that, b****!”

I’m frozen. Half horrified, half trying not to burst out laughing. 

He is, unsurprisingly, fired on the spot. 

He actually seems confused when management pulls him aside to tell him he’s being let go.

Coworker: “She was gonna dismantle the entire display anyway, at least this way I could save some time!”

Today, it happened for the thousandth time, and I had to do something about it.

Me: *Scanning an item that doesn’t scan.*

Customer: “Huh! Not scanning, eh? It must be free!”

Me: “Nope. Actually, we charge double due to the extra work we have to do to type in the SKU.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Obviously, I didn’t charge him double. I’ve heard that ‘joke’ a lot less since I’ve been saying it, though!