Holy Moly Guacamole

, , , | Right | March 11, 2019

Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

Lady: “Hi. I’ll have the nacho strips with guacamole, and a large [soda].”

Me: “The guacamole is an extra fifty cents. Is that okay?”

Lady: “Yeah, fine.”

Me: “All right, your total is $4.50.”

Lady: *hands me her card*

Me: *rings her up, hands her the large soda, and since there aren’t any other customers I get her order right away* “Here you go, ma’am.”

Lady: *looks at her food then back to me with a frown on her face* “What is this? I didn’t ask for guacamole on this.”

Me: “Huh? Yes, you did.”

Lady: “No. I didn’t.”

Me: “Ma’am, the strips don’t come with guacamole. I can’t physically put some on your food unless you ask for it.”

Lady: “Well, I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t want it. I want new strips without guacamole on them.”

Me: “One moment, ma’am.”

(I don’t want to try to argue this with her so I tell my manager who pretty much says the same thing — that no one would’ve given her any guac unless she asked for it. I shrug. She tells me we can replace the order, but since we haven’t had customers we don’t have any strips ready. She’ll have to wait.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can replace those for you, but it’s going to take at least ten minutes to make a new batch of strips.”

(I admit I said this a bit too cheerily.)

Lady: “What? I don’t want to wait that long!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that was the last of the strips we gave you before. So, in order to replace your order, we will have to make more, and it will take at least ten minutes.”

Lady: *huffs* “Fine.”

(I conveniently forgot to refund her fifty cents for the guac on her previous order. And I took more pleasure than I ought to have, watching her wait for her food. When her new order was ready I set them out on the counter and she just took them and left without a thank-you. But that was fine because, in all honesty, she wasn’t welcome.)

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So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3

| Right | November 26, 2012

(I work at a small snack bar in a sports center. We have just hired a new cook who is of Asian descent. I am on light duty, as I’d sprained my ankle the day before and the new guy stayed after he was scheduled to help. One of my regulars walks in, and when he sees the cooks he turns towards me with a disgusted look on his face.)

Customer: “What’s this? Since when did you guys start hiring [racial slur]?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who is this [racial slur] they’ve got in the kitchen now? You gonna start serving egg rolls or something?”

Me: “Okay, number one, [coworker] is Vietnamese, not a [racial slur]. Not that it matters, because number two, he was born here, so therefore he’s an American. And number 3, I wish we would start selling egg rolls because [coworker] makes the best d*** egg rolls I’ve ever tasted. Now you can go buy your drink from one of the machines because your money isn’t welcome in here today.”

(The customer stands there with his mouth open in shock for a minute before he turns on his heels and walks out. My coworker walks out as he is leaving.)

Coworker: “Oh wow, what was his problem?”

Me: “He’s just mad because I refused to serve him any egg rolls.”

(Thankfully, the customer later approached my coworker and apologized.)


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Results Of The Risotto

| Right | October 4, 2012

(Our snack bar serves a selection of lunch items plus a Daily Special.  On this particular day, the chef is having an off day so the risotto is really overcooked and flavorless. A regular customer, who is very nice and almost always eats the Special, arrives to place his order.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [snack bar]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “The Special.”

Me: “Um, are you sure? It’s a bit ‘different’ today. Would you like something else?”

Customer: “No, I’ll have the Special.”

Me: *leaning forward and whispering* “The chef’s not having a good day. The special is horrible.” back to a normal voice* “So, what can I get for you?”

Customer: *laughing* “It’s okay, I’ll have the Special. It can’t be that bad.”

Me: *laughing too* “On your head be it!”

(Half an hour later, I am clearing tables. The customer is finishing his drink and reading a newspaper. I notice that his plate of risotto is sitting in front of him, barely touched.)

Me: “You didn’t like the Special, then?”

Customer: *looks sadly at his plate of food* “I really should listen when even the employees warn me…”

(My manager ended up giving him vouchers for a couple of free meals. He had to be persuaded to take them, as he was quite willing to live with his choice seeing as how he had ignored my ‘warning’!)

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By Process Of Elimination

| Right | May 21, 2012

Customer: “I want a chicken caesar salad.”

Me: “Okay. Would you like tomatoes, onions, and peppers on that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Would you like tomatoes, onions, and peppers?”

Customer: “Um, no peppers.”

Me: “Okay, so just tomatoes and onions, then?”

Customer: “No, no onions.”

Me: “Just tomatoes?”

Customer: “No, no tomatoes, either.”

Me: “Okay…”

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Courtesy Is For Commoners

| Right | May 14, 2012

(A mom and her 3 year old daughter come up to my counter.)

Customer: “Tell the lady what you want, sweetie.”

Customer’s Daughter: “I want an ICEE!”

Customer: “What do you say?”

Customer’s Daughter: “And make it fast!”

Customer: “What?! You do NOT say that! We are talking to your father when we get home!”

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