When You’ve Lost The Passion Fruit

, , | Right | March 25, 2009

Me: “Hi, can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like a wheatgrass shot and an apple, carrot, ginger, and orange juice.”

Me: “Would you like size one, two, or three?”

Customer: “One.”

Me: “Would you like any extra boosters?”

Customer: “No. Stop trying to sell me things.”

Me: “That’s [amount]. Do you have a loyalty card?”

Customer: “I’m not even loyal to my WIFE.”

Me: “…”

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On The Bright Side, She Never Gets Brain Freezes

, , | Right | February 5, 2009

(The lunch rush has just come and gone, and now the early release seniors from the local high school are trickling in.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Smoothie Shop].”

Blonde Customer: “Mmm… I think I’ll try the Mahalo Mango today.”

Redhead Customer: “Oooh. I heard mangoes are kinda bitter.”

Blonde Customer: “Ew… like, can I get that without mango then?”

Me: “Would you rather the Power Pineapple? It’s the same smoothie, just pineapple instead of mango.”

Blonde Customer: “No, I want to try something new… so, yeah. Mahalo Mango without the mango.”

Me: “Okay… what would you like instead of the mango?”

Blonde Customer: “Um… can I get pineapple?”

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A Rainbow Of Flavor

, , | Right | February 2, 2009

Customer: “What does the mango smoothie taste like? Does it taste like oranges?”

Me: “It tastes like… mangoes?”

Customer: *exasperated* “No, mango is a COLOR. I want to know what it TASTES like.”

Me: “Sir, mango is a fruit. The mango smoothie tastes like mango.”

Customer: “Ugh, whatever. What does the strawberry one taste like?”

Me: “It tastes like strawberries.”

Customer: “I’ll take one of those!”

Coworker: *to me* “You should’ve told him it tasted like red.”

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All Signs Point To No

, | Right | October 20, 2008

(A customer pulls up and parks in a handicapped spot in front of the store.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a fresh squeezed orange juice.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, we just cleaned our juicer and the chemical that we use had to dry or else it’s toxic. We won’t be able to squeeze any juice until tomorrow.”

Customer: “What the f***? This is the second time this has happened.”

Me: “Well, we clean it a half hour before we close–”

Customer: “You should put up a sign!”

Me: “Oh, um. Well, I’ll mention that to my manager–”

Customer: “PUT UP A SIGN!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t have the authority to do that, but I’ll–”

Customer: “JUST PUT UP A SIGN!”

Me: “Oh, and you’re parked in a handicapped zone.”

Customer: “THEY SHOULD–”

Me: “Yes, they have a sign up, sir.”

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…And Fruit Hates You Right Back

| Right | July 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a Coke.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we make smoothies here. Have you looked at our menu?”

Customer: “You don’t have any Coke?”

Me: “No, sir. Just fruit drinks.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’ll have a coffee then.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t serve coffee here. Just smoothies.”

Customer: “What kind of drink shop is this?! I come in here trying to get a drink, and you don’t have anything!”

Me: “We’re a smoothie shop, sir. What kind of fruit do you like?”

Customer: “I HATE FRUIT!” *storms out of the store*

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