Customer: “I want the Oreo shake.”

I start crushing up some Oreos in the blender when the customer stops me.

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m making you your Oreo shake. I’m just crushing the Oreos to be blended with the cream.”

Customer: “You actually use real Oreos?”

Me: “Well… yeah? That’s why it’s called an Oreo shake.”

Customer: “But I wanted a sugar-free shake! You said you do sugar-free shakes!”

Me: “We have a small no-added-sugar menu, yes, but Oreos aren’t on it because of… well, the Oreos.”

Customer: “Can’t you use sugar-free Oreos?”

Me: “I don’t think those are a thing. I wish they were!”

Customer: “Well can’t you like blend the sugar out of the Oreos?”

Me: “The blender just crushes them.”

Customer: “Yes but when you crush them can you like, see the sugar and pick it out?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: “Well you should!”

Related:
Ore-Oh No

I stop into an upscale juice shop on my way to get groceries. After I grab a bottle of juice from their row of refrigerators, I notice an older and younger woman, probably a mother and daughter, already in the store. At that moment, they are cleaning up a puddle of pee from their puppy. The older woman is pulling out wipes while the younger woman is freaking out and trying to apologize.

I walk around them and head over to the counter to pay. The two employees are in the back making smoothies that the two women ordered. I wait off to the side to pay.

Older Woman: *Shouting* “I left a $10 bill on the counter for the extra waters I wanted to buy!”

I look over and notice it’s not there.

Older Woman: *Irate and demanding* “Where is it?!”

One employee comes from the back to bring one of the smoothies. She looks startled.

Employee: “I’ve only just come from the back; I didn’t see the money.”

Older Woman: “This is ridiculous!”

She then looks directly at me. It’s clear she wants to accuse me of taking it, but she knows it’s not a good idea. She holds eye contact with me, willing me to say something.

Me: *Calmly* “I didn’t see it.”

The older woman opens her wallet to pay, muttering under her breath that she’s sure she already paid. All she has is $100, and the cashier says they can’t take it. 

Older Woman: *Loudly* “Well, I did have a $10 but it’s mysteriously vanished!”

The younger woman, to her credit, is trying to get the older woman to look for it elsewhere.

Younger Woman: “Maybe it’s in one of your bags?”

Older Woman: “I don’t know. This is ridiculous.”

She finally walks over to the largest bag they have.

Older Woman: “Unless it’s in here!” 

She dramatically lifted it off the floor — yes, where the dog peed! — and yep, out flew a $10 bill. She handed it to the cashier without acknowledging me.

After she got her change, the cashier gestured for me to come over so I could pay for my juice. Just as I scanned my card, I looked over to see the dog take a poop on the floor. The smell was overwhelming — and I have a dog myself!

The young woman was flustered and clearly mortified, while the older woman just sighed and leaned down to clean up the next mess. I looked at the employee, who had a blank look on her face. I’m saddened to think she might be used to this. 

With my payment done, I walked out to brush off the most ridiculous five minutes of my day.

I am an extremely lactose-intolerant person. I think I could actually die — not directly from the milk perhaps, but from hitting my head on a bathroom counter while keeling over in pain. I’ve passed out from the pain while clutching the cold bathroom floor.

One day, I was very hungry. I wasn’t thinking very clearly when I went into a smoothie shop, but I knew I couldn’t safely get home without eating.

Me: “Hi! What do you have here that is lactose-free?”

Clerk: “Free? Did you have a coupon?”

Me: “No… I mean that I can’t have any milk or any dairy.”

Clerk: “They don’t blend well without milk.”

Me: “…do you have a dairy substitute? Soy milk?”

Clerk: “Oh, sorry, I thought that counted as milk. Any of our smoothies can be made with [milk options].”

Me: “Great! I’m very sensitive to regular milk, though. Can you make sure that no milk other than the kind I ordered touches any of the containers used to make my smoothie?”

Clerk: “That’s not a problem; we run everything through a sanitizing dishwasher.”

Me: “Great! I’ll have the… Oh, I’m too hungry to think. What is your favorite?”

Clerk: “I like the Chocolate Mood.”

Me: “Great. And to confirm, no milk in that?”

Clerk: “You keep asking, but we are making it with the other milk.”

I paid, thanked her, and sat down to space out while I waited. Then, I drank the thing sitting outside, still spacey. When I was feeling coherent, I drove home. At no point did I really look at the menu.

Later that day, I was in intense levels of agony. I don’t know how to impress this upon you. I have chronic pain from fibromyalgia, as well as migraines. What happens to me after I eat a lot of dairy is worse than anything else I deal with.

I really should have looked at the menu, so I could see that the smoothie was called “Chocolate Moo’d”.

I just… I should have realized that there were warning signs that the clerk didn’t fully understand the assignment. I just hadn’t considered that there would be ice cream or that the milk content of ice cream would be a mystery.

It’s been a decade, and I’m still mad about that. I had important things to do, but I was in too much pain to move, let alone inform anyone that I couldn’t make it… so there were consequences.

Now, I insist on checking ingredients with my own eyes.

Related:
Not-So-Smooth(ie) Sailing

Customer: “I want that ‘forby’ smoothie you got.”

Me: “The ‘four Bs’ smoothie! So, that’s banana, blueberry, blackberry, and boysenberry?”

Customer: “I didn’t want all that s***!”

Me: “Sorry, it’s just the names of the fruits that go into the smoothie. They all begin with B, so it’s what it’s called. Just a fun little alliteration.”

Customer: “I don’t want no smoothies with fruits! Especially those fancy kinds — like, what the h*** is a ‘literation’? They grow that down in Mexico or something?”

I could not answer that with a straight face. They ended up going with the Oreo smoothie.

A lady comes in right before closing.

Customer: “I want a large mango smoothie.”

I go to ring her up, and whaddya know, she has a coupon for a free small smoothie.

Me: “Since you ordered a large, I will need to add an upcharge.”

Customer: “I don’t have any money on me.”

I just think, “Fine, whatever, take the d*** smoothie.”

She comes back inside about a minute later with mango smoothie all over her arm and a half-empty cup in her hand. She spilled it all over her BMW seat.

Customer: *Screaming* “Why didn’t you put the smoothie in a bag?!”

There is still half left, so I pour it into a small cup and hand it to her.

Me: “Well, that’s the size that was free, so you’re good to go!”

She got so mad about that! She continued to yell and then said she was going to sue me and the store for damages.

That hasn’t happened yet.