I’m the manager of a smoothie place.

New Girl: “So, can I cover more shifts?”

Me: “You’re scheduled from 3:00 to 8:00 today?”

New Girl: “Yeah, but I can do more. I can cover [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2].”

Me: “They’re scheduled from 12:00 to 5:00 and 4:00 to closing, respectively.”

New Girl: “Yeah…”

Me: “You can’t cover all of those shifts.”

New Girl: “Yeah, I can.”

Me: “You can’t offer to take all those shifts unless you have clones.”

New Girl: “What are clones?”

Me: “Never mind. Point is, you need to stick to just your shift today.”

New Girl: “I don’t understand why not.”

I end up drawing a picture showing the multiple workers as stick figures and the hours they’re working, highlighting the overlaps and how she can’t do all the work at the same time. I think she’s getting it, but then…

New Girl: “Can we just move these numbers up and down so it’s not overlapping?”

Me: “Those numbers are times.”

New Girl: “Yeah…”

Me: “You’re asking me to move time.”

New Girl: “I’m just saying that if you put some thought into it, you can see that if you make 3:00 be 5:00 and make 4:00 be 8:00, it will work.”

Me: “Yes… that requires putting some ‘thought’ into it.”

Someone needs to get this girl a time machine…

I work in a bubble tea (boba) shop. Two customers are ordering.

Customer #1: “I’ll have a large peach milk tea with regular sugar and tapioca balls.”

Me: “Awesome!” *Turns to [Customer #2].* “And for you?”

Customer #2: “I’ll have exactly the same order.”

Me: “Okay so that’s two—”

Customer #2: “—but make mine a medium.”

Me: “Okay so—”

Customer #2: “—and less sugar.”

Me: “Okay—”

Customer #2: “—and mango.”

I just remain silent now.

Customer #2: “—with coconut pudding instead.”

Pause.

Me: “Okay so—”

Customer #2: “—and with lactose-free milk.”

Me: “Okay so… a medium mango with less sugar, coconut pudding, and lactose-free milk.”

Customer #2: “Yes! Just like my friend.”

Customer: “Can I, like, have a strawberry, mango, banana, wildberry smoothie?”

Me: “Those are four different types of smoothies, which one would you like?”

Customer: “That’s not what your board says.”

Me: “Those are all separate drinks.”

Customer: “They’re all lined up! I want all of those in a smoothie!

I tell one of the guys at the back what the customer is trying to order.

Coworker: “Do they realize these are four different smoothies?”

Me: “They also don’t know what a f****** comma is…”

The customer got their overpriced and over-flavored smoothie.

I hand two customers their order of one chocolate and one vanilla shake.

Customer: “Which is which?”

Me: “…The dark brown one is chocolate, and the white one is vanilla.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Customer #2: “Oh my god! Are you serious?”

Customer: “What? She doesn’t sound too sure.”

Customer #2: “What she’s not sure about is how someone could be stupid enough to ask that question!” *To me.* “I’m sorry about my friend. I’ll try to explain it to her.”

They both walk away, squabbling.

Customer: “This smoothie looks too small to be a medium; are you ripping me off?!”

Me: “That’s our standard medium size, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well it’s tiny! You must be keeping some for yourself!” 

She tuts a few times and storms out. 

Coworker: *Quietly, after she leaves but in her general direction.* “Like we care enough to hoard pomegranate smoothies from you.”

Crazily enough, this same customer calls the store an hour later:

Customer: “[Other Eatery] has way bigger medium sizes than you do!”

Coworker: “Cool, I’d only eat there from now on if I were you.” 

Customer: “Is that how you expect to keep my business?”

Coworker: “No, because anyone who complains about prices and sizes to a minimum wage fast food employee is a f****** moron, and we don’t want your business.” 

Customer: “Where is your manager?!”

Coworker: “Busy with something more important than dealing with people who don’t understand how to utilize any of their copious healthy outlets for stress relief and instead take all of their frustration out on minimum wage workers.” 

Customer: “You’re gonna be soooo fired!”

Coworker: “B****, today is my last day! I start college next week! Why do you think I’m telling you how I really feel? Have a medium day!” *Click.*

He really did quit that day! He had apparently agreed to stay on an extra few weeks into the college year as a solid to the manager but that last customer was just too much after years of abuse.

He started college that next week… studying psychology! 

Related:
Minimum Wage, Minimum Effort, Part 4
Minimum Wage, Minimum Effort, Part 3
Minimum Wage, Minimum Effort, Part 2
Minimum Wage, Minimum Effort