One Immune System Boost, Please

| California, USA | Right | February 13, 2012

(I work at a shake/smoothie shop that specializes in healthy shakes with organic ingredients blended before the customer’s eyes. A woman who looks to be in her late 30s walks in and looks at the menu a while.)

Customer: “What ingredients can you put in a shake?

Me: “Well, we can include ground flax seed, hemp, wheat germ—”

Customer: “What? You put germs in your shakes?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I said wheat germ—”

Customer: “I heard what you said! You said germs! I can’t believe you put germs in your shakes! Wait until I tell everyone how filthy you are!” *storms out*

To Serve Man

| Northridge, CA, USA | Right | July 22, 2011

(A male customer approaches the cash register.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “Um, how can I help you?”

Customer: “You…help me? How can you…help me? YOU?”

Me: “Um, yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

Customer: “You can’t help me!”

Me: “Okay, why not?”

Customer: “Because I don’t need YOUR help!”

Me: “Okay, what what do you want me to do? I’m the only one working here.”

Customer: “I want you to ask me, ‘How may I serve you?'”

Me: “Um, no.”

Customer: *cusses up a storm and leaves*

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Not The Most Well-Red On Allergens

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Right | June 16, 2011

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Is that smoothie red?”

Me: “Yes, the strawberries do that.”

Customer: “Okay. I can’t have those. So, this one is orange, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But it still has strawberries in it.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s alright. I just can’t have smoothies when they are red.”

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May Contain Traces Of Messiah

| Davie, FL, USA | Right | July 12, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [Smoothie Store]! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Good morning to you! I need the large blueberry please.”

Me: “Alright sir, Ill get those started for you. What kind of free boost would you like in your smoothies?”

Customer: “You know what my favorite and the best boost of all is?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Jesus.”

Me: “Oh, haha. You would like a Jesus boost?”

Customer: “Why yes, I like to boost my day with Jesus everyday! Are you filled with the light, have you accepted Christ into your life?”

Me: “Yes sir, I have. So what boost would you like in your smoothie?”

Customer: “I told you already.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, looks like were fresh out of Jesus today.”

Customer: “Oh that’s too bad. I’ll just have the whey protein, then.”

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And That’s How The Minnesota Vikings Came To Be

| Richmond, VA, USA | Right | January 29, 2010

Customer: “Hmm. Are you tribal?”

Me: “Um, no. I am white.”

Customer: “No, you are seriously tribal.”

Me: “Well, I’m part Cherokee…”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Me: “I’m part Norwegian?”

Customer: “THAT’S IT!”

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