Not The Most Well-Red On Allergens

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Is that smoothie red?”

Me: “Yes, the strawberries do that.”

Customer: “Okay. I can’t have those. So, this one is orange, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But it still has strawberries in it.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s alright. I just can’t have smoothies when they are red.”

May Contain Traces Of Messiah

| Davie, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [Smoothie Store]! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Good morning to you! I need the large blueberry please.”

Me: “Alright sir, Ill get those started for you. What kind of free boost would you like in your smoothies?”

Customer: “You know what my favorite and the best boost of all is?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Jesus.”

Me: “Oh, haha. You would like a Jesus boost?”

Customer: “Why yes, I like to boost my day with Jesus everyday! Are you filled with the light, have you accepted Christ into your life?”

Me: “Yes sir, I have. So what boost would you like in your smoothie?”

Customer: “I told you already.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, looks like were fresh out of Jesus today.”

Customer: “Oh that’s too bad. I’ll just have the whey protein, then.”

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And That’s How The Minnesota Vikings Came To Be

| Richmond, VA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hmm. Are you tribal?”

Me: “Um, no. I am white.”

Customer: “No, you are seriously tribal.”

Me: “Well, I’m part Cherokee…”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Me: “I’m part Norwegian?”

Customer: “THAT’S IT!”

When You’ve Lost The Passion Fruit

| Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like a wheat grass shot and an apple, carrot, ginger and orange juice.”

Me: “Would you like size one, two or three?”

Customer: “One.”

Me: “Would you like any extra boosters?”

Customer: “No. Stop trying to sell me things.”

Me: “That’s ¬£*.**. Do you have a loyalty card?”

Customer: “I’m not even loyal to my WIFE.”

Me: “…”

On The Bright Side, She Never Gets Brain Freezes

| Uncategorized

(The lunch rush has just come and gone, and now the early release seniors from the local high school are trickling in.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to ***.”

Blonde customer: “Mmm… I think I’ll try the Mahalo Mango today.”

Redhead customer: “Oooh. I heard mangoes are kinda bitter.”

Blonde customer: “Ew… like, can I get that without mango then?”

Me: “Would you rather the Power Pineapple? It’s the same smoothie, just pineapple instead of mango.”

Blonde customer: “No, I want to try something new… so, yeah. Mahalo Mango without the mango.”

Me: “Okay… what would you like instead of the mango?”

Blonde customer: “Um… can I get pineapple?”

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