That Chicken Is Smoking Hot

, , , | Right | May 30, 2017

(A customer has ordered a chicken to be cooked.)

Customer: “You’re burning it!”

Me: “Sir, the oven isn’t even on yet. This will actually take some time so…” *sniffs* “Is… is that tobacco?”

(I stare at him as he blushes, and notice wisps of smoke coming from his back.)

Me: “Are you smoking?”

(He mumbled something before sprinting out of view. I never bothered to cook his chicken, and he never turned up for it either.)

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Selfish Smokers

, , , , , | Right | August 21, 2009

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”

(I hand him the cigarettes.)

Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.”

Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes causing impotency.”

Me: “Ok. Do you want ‘smoking harms those around you,’ or ‘smoking causes testicular cancer?'”

Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”

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