The Mother Of All Fears

| Related | September 23, 2013

(My sister is taking skydiving for the first time. She has a fear of heights that she is trying to overcome. The class is on the plane, which is flying towards the appointed destination.)

Instructor: “Nervous?”

Sister: *quaking* “A little.”

Instructor: “Ah, don’t be. We’ve all been there the first time.”

(The plane reaches the place. The opens the hatch door.)

Instructor: “Alright, you go first.”

Sister: “M-me?”

Instructor: “Yes, you. Look, just think of your parents, like your mother. Just think about how happy she’ll be to see you soon.”

(Our mother has passed away the previous year, but before my sister could say this, the instructor PUSHES her out.)


(Fortunately she was okay, and still with us!)

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The Conversation Has Taken A Sudden Dive

| Right | December 21, 2010

(I am answering basic questions for a potential skydiving customer.)

Customer: “How long is the free-fall part?”

Me: “About 30-40 seconds.”

Customer: “30 seconds!? I thought it was like five minutes? That’s how it is in the movies!”

Me: “But that’s in movies. Actual skydives average about a 30 to 40 second free-fall.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because that’s how long it takes to fall from the highest altitude that you can safely jump from.”

Customer: “If I’m going to pay $250 to jump, I want to fall for five minutes.”

Me: “Might I point out that it doesn’t even take objects in space five minutes to fall to earth? You could be in orbit and not get a five minute free-fall.”

Customer: “So if I call around, no one will be able to give me 5 minutes?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Is there anyway you guys could fly the plane higher so I’d fall for five minutes?”

Me: “No ma’am, we cannot do that. Besides the fact that it is physically impossible, you would die. If you’re still hung up on this five-minute thing, call NASA and tell it to them.”

Customer: “Oh, so they do that?”

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