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It’s All Downhill From Here

, , , | Working | August 4, 2016

(My dad works for Ski Patrol, and is sitting in on a morning meeting about mountain safety…)

Lecturer: “Just remember: If you find yourself standing on slope that is moving, you are in an avalanche.”

Coworker: “Um… DUH!?”

Carrot And Sick

| Learning | January 14, 2016

(My grade-eight class is on a ski trip. On the first night, my roommates as I are 10 minutes late for dinner. We have been waiting for about 5 minutes when a teacher we’re particularity friendly with comes to our table. Note: one of my roommates has a nut allergy.)

Teacher: “Okay, you guys can go and get food.”

Me: “But we came late. Shouldn’t the others who came on time get food first?”

Teacher: “Oh, I didn’t realize you guys were late. Sit back down for now, then.”

(We sit back down, and my roommates glare at me. A few minutes later…)

Other Teacher: “Can I have everyone’s attention, please? It turns out the carrot cake we have for dessert has nuts in it, so if you have a nut allergy, don’t take the carrot cake.”

(By that point, some of the students had already gotten their food.)

Friend: *to me* “Wow, if we had gone earlier, I would have totally taken that carrot cake. Your honesty saved my life!”

(Luckily, we didn’t have any more allergy-related incidents during the trip!)

An Inconceivable Notion

| Related | December 17, 2015

(I have been invited on a ski trip organised by my uncle’s work. When we arrive at the accommodation we find it’s a dorm filled with double bunks and a separate room with a double bed. There are not enough beds for each person on the trip. A worker shows us to the rooms so my uncle and aunt put my two cousins into the bottom bunk while they share the top bunk. Next morning, one of the workers asks my cousins how they slept.)

Cousin: “Not very well. Mum and Dad kept shaking the bed all night.”

Worker: “Really? Tell me, which would you prefer, a new brother or sister?”

Cousin: “A brother.” *to his parents* “Mum, are we getting new baby?”

Aunt: “Not on this trip.”

This Conversation Is Too Adult For You

, , | Learning | August 13, 2015

Instructor: “Okay, kids, it’s time to go meet moms and dads!”

Five-Year-Old: “My mommy isn’t here. Daddy is here with his adult friend.”

One Wrong Slip Of The Tongue

| Friendly | September 5, 2014

(My dad, I, and my friend are going snowboarding at a popular ski resort. We parked pretty far away because it was packed that day. On the tram I suddenly have a brilliant idea.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], lick that pole.” *pointing at the metal pole on the tram*

Friend: “Okay!” *licks the pole and gets stuck*

Me: *to dad* “Look what [Friend] did!”

(My friend slowly pries his tongue off the pole while me and my dad are laughing.)

Me: “I can’t believe you fell for that!”

Dad: “Why did you do that?”

Friend: “I thought that just happened in the movies.”