An Inconceivable Notion

| Related | December 17, 2015

(I have been invited on a ski trip organised by my uncle’s work. When we arrive at the accommodation we find it’s a dorm filled with double bunks and a separate room with a double bed. There are not enough beds for each person on the trip. A worker shows us to the rooms so my uncle and aunt put my two cousins into the bottom bunk while they share the top bunk. Next morning, one of the workers asks my cousins how they slept.)

Cousin: “Not very well. Mum and Dad kept shaking the bed all night.”

Worker: “Really? Tell me, which would you prefer, a new brother or sister?”

Cousin: “A brother.” *to his parents* “Mum, are we getting new baby?”

Aunt: “Not on this trip.”

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This Conversation Is Too Adult For You

, , | Learning | August 13, 2015

Instructor: “Okay, kids, it’s time to go meet moms and dads!”

Five-Year-Old: “My mommy isn’t here. Daddy is here with his adult friend.”

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One Wrong Slip Of The Tongue

| Friendly | September 5, 2014

(My dad, I, and my friend are going snowboarding at a popular ski resort. We parked pretty far away because it was packed that day. On the tram I suddenly have a brilliant idea.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], lick that pole.” *pointing at the metal pole on the tram*

Friend: “Okay!” *licks the pole and gets stuck*

Me: *to dad* “Look what [Friend] did!”

(My friend slowly pries his tongue off the pole while me and my dad are laughing.)

Me: “I can’t believe you fell for that!”

Dad: “Why did you do that?”

Friend: “I thought that just happened in the movies.”

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This Instructor Is On A Slippery Slope

, , | Learning | August 14, 2013

(I’m about eight years old. Our class is skiing down the slope in a single file line. I’m second from last. Suddenly, I fall down and lose my skis. The girl behind me stops to help me. By the time I have my skis back on, she notices that something’s wrong.)

Girl: “Uh, where is the class?”

(Sure enough, our instructor and classmates are gone!)

Me: “They must have gone on ahead. We’ll go down to the next lift; they’ll probably be waiting for us there.”

Girl: “Okay…”

(We ski down to the lift. However, our class isn’t there.)

Girl: *clearly worried* “What do we do now?”

Me: “We’ll go to back to the lodge. Don’t worry; I know the way down.”

(I get us down. Upon returning to the lodge, I am confronted by my instructor.)

Instructor: “What are you doing here?”

Me: “I fell, you left us behind, so I came down on my own.”

Instructor: “You should have stayed where you were, and waited for me to return!”

(My mom—herself a ski instructor—shows up.)

My Mom: “And YOU should have done a better job of looking after your students! You didn’t even notice that two of them were missing!”

(My mom turns to me.)

My Mom: “You did the right thing.”

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There Snow Way I’m Taking The Fall For This

, , | Learning | April 3, 2013

(I’m teaching a class of seven kids between the ages of seven and thirteen who are all brand new skiers. The oldest kid has refused to listen to me and is interrupting me while I’m trying to explain to the other kids how to do the exercise. This happens at the top of a hill, where there are two other classes as well as the lift attendant.)

Me: “Okay, so for this run, we’re going to play a game called ‘Red Light, Green Light’—”

Student: “That’s a baby game! I’m not playing that!”

Me: “Jack, it’s going to be more difficult because we’re on a steeper slope this time.”

Student: “Well, I’m not going to do it! Screw you! I don’t need f****** ski lessons!”

(The student takes off down the hill, ignoring me shouting at him to stop and wait. He crashes into a kid from one of the younger classes, who falls and starts crying. He ignores him and continues recklessly down the hill.)

Other Instructor: “Did he just take off?”

Me: *frustrated* “Yes.”

Lift Attendant: “I’ll radio down and ask them to keep him there until you get to the bottom of the hill.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(We start heading down the hill and we find my student standing with his mother, who is yelling at a Ski Patroller and my supervisor.)

Mother: “She should be fired!” *pointing at me* “She let my baby ski off on his own!”

Ski Patroller: “Ma’am, from what the attendant at the top has told us, your son refused to listen to the instructor, and also injured another student on his way down.”

Mother: “He would never do that! She just can’t teach; I want her fired! She can’t be trusted with the safety of other people’s children!”

Supervisor: “Well, she’s been teaching here for five years, and we’ve never had a problem before. If you remember, I spoke with you yesterday about your son’s refusal to participate and follow instructions, as well as the rude language he was using around the younger students in the class.” *waves me over* “Can you please explain what happened at the top of the hill?”

Me: *explains what happened*

Supervisor: *to me* “Good work. I’m sorry you had to deal with this.” *turns to the mother* “Either you teach your son some manners, or you teach him to ski yourself. I’m not putting my employees through this; they’re all good workers and they deserve to be treated better.”

Mother: *embarassed* “Well, we’ll just go to [other ski hill]; they know how to teach kids how to ski!”

(She storms off, pulling her son behind her who is struggling to get away from her.)

Ski Patroller: “I think I’ll give my buddy over at [other ski hill] a heads up about those two; they’re f****** dangerous.”

(Later, I received a huge thank you and a bonus for not snapping at the mother or the student.)

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