Thanos Had One (1) Good Idea

, , , , , | Learning | May 19, 2020

I’m a ski instructor working for a ski school. This winter, we were hired as ski instructors for a high school ski trip. I was assigned the most advanced skiers, who consistently insisted on taking the hardest slopes and racing at high speeds.

During our lunch break on the first day, when we took off our jackets, I noticed that, apart from the mandatory helmet, one of the boys was wearing a full suit of armour underneath. It was a complete suit of hard plastic motocross armour, with a breastplate, shoulder armour, elbow and knee braces, gauntlets, shin guards, buttplate, calf armour, and a neck brace. It was also bright golden, as he once wore it as a Thanos cosplay.

We all laughed and mocked him over it, but he took it in good stride, lamenting that he didn’t bring his purple face paint or two Infinity Gauntlets and laughing off us calling him a coward, insisting that it was a worthwhile precaution. 

By the last day, after several crashes, everyone was sore and bruised. One of the guys even dislocated his shoulder after he tumbled down a slope. On the other hand, Thanos was completely unscathed, despite tumbling down a slope in a similar manner thrice — he was showing off — being rammed into by another skier, and even getting into a fistfight with a pair of very rude Americans.

That was the first time in my seven years of ski instructing that I ever heard or saw anyone do that, but given the amount of punishment he shrugged off, I’m starting to think he had a point.

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An Avalanche Of Rudeness

, , | Friendly | April 2, 2017

(We are waiting in an alternating line to get on the ski lift. I am currently in the middle of telling my mom about the interesting people I have met previously on the lift, while she moves to get on the lift. As she does, a family of two full-grown sons and the equally large father collectively cut her off and nearly run her over.)

Me: “I met some interesting ladies… who know how to alternate in line…” *pointedly glare at the three adults on my mom’s skis*

Their Mom: *blushes* “I am so sorry. Please go ahead of us.” *shoos them backwards*

My Mom: *cheerfully* “Okay! Thanks!”

(Honestly, I don’t mind them cutting, but having a collective 600 lbs barrelling towards my mother because they are impatient apparently makes me snarky! I do feel bad for embarrassing that woman, though.)

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Some Conversations Are Worth Patrolling

| Working | August 23, 2016

(My dad is a ski patroller and hears this little gem over the radio:)

Patroller #1: “[Patroller #1] to [Patroller #2].”

Patroller #2: “[Patroller #2] to [Patroller #1]. Go ahead.”

Patroller #1: “10-20.”

(For the readers: “10-20” is a term in Ten-Code basically asking for location.)

Patroller #2: “I… um… f***, where the h*** am I?!”

(Another time, during a morning meeting.)

Patroller #1: “Geez!” *holds up yogurt container* “I didn’t know yogurt could freeze!”

Patroller #2: “It’s called ‘frozen yogurt,’ dude…”

(And finally:)

Patroller #1: “What’s the weather report say?”

Patroller #2: “We may get something warm and wet… in the form of snow, of course…!”

(And for the records: Yes, all these incidents are from the exact same two patrollers.)

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It’s All Downhill From Here

, , , | Working | August 4, 2016

(My dad works for Ski Patrol, and is sitting in on a morning meeting about mountain safety…)

Lecturer: “Just remember: If you find yourself standing on slope that is moving, you are in an avalanche.”

Coworker: “Um… DUH!?”

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Carrot And Sick

| Learning | January 14, 2016

(My grade-eight class is on a ski trip. On the first night, my roommates as I are 10 minutes late for dinner. We have been waiting for about 5 minutes when a teacher we’re particularity friendly with comes to our table. Note: one of my roommates has a nut allergy.)

Teacher: “Okay, you guys can go and get food.”

Me: “But we came late. Shouldn’t the others who came on time get food first?”

Teacher: “Oh, I didn’t realize you guys were late. Sit back down for now, then.”

(We sit back down, and my roommates glare at me. A few minutes later…)

Other Teacher: “Can I have everyone’s attention, please? It turns out the carrot cake we have for dessert has nuts in it, so if you have a nut allergy, don’t take the carrot cake.”

(By that point, some of the students had already gotten their food.)

Friend: *to me* “Wow, if we had gone earlier, I would have totally taken that carrot cake. Your honesty saved my life!”

(Luckily, we didn’t have any more allergy-related incidents during the trip!)

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