I Speak The Queens(land) English

, , , , , , | Right | April 26, 2018

(I’m working as a server at a restaurant over the summer break between my freshman and sophomore years of college. Sometimes I like to use fake accents for my own entertainment, and sometimes I get bigger tips for being a “foreigner.”)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]! My name is [My Name], and I’m going to be your server today. Can I get you started off with something to drink? [Soda]? Iced tea?”

Customer: “Can I ask where you’re from? I love your accent.”

Me: *obviously lying* “Queensland, Australia.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Really? That’s awesome! Hey, speak some Australian!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Speak some Australian!”

Customer: “Honey, they speak English in Australia.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. We do, actually. Sorry to disappoint.”

(For most of their meal, they argued about whether or not Australians speak English.)

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Racism Pays!

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2018

(I’m a server at a restaurant. I stand out a little bit because I’m the only black guy on staff for this particular shift. I get a husband and wife at a booth in my section.)

Me: “Hi there! My name is [My Name], and I’m going to be taking care of you here. Can I get you started off with something to drink?”

Husband: “I’ll have a [soda].”

Wife: “I’ll just have a water, please.”

(I get their drinks, take their orders, bring them their meals, etc. They leave behind a small tip. But it’s a tip, so who cares, right?)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name]! Come here for a second.”

Me: “What? Did I do something wrong?”

Manager: “No. This is for you.” *she hands me a couple dollars*

Me: “Okay? What’s this for?”

Manager: “That couple that you just served? Yeah, the guy came back in and asked if he could give you a little extra tip.”

Me: “Why didn’t he leave it at the table?”

Manager: “That’s what I asked. He said, and I quote, ‘I just wanted to tell you… I don’t really like black guys. But that server was pretty great, and you should keep him around.’”

(This guy, who didn’t like black people, liked me. Still the funniest bit of racism I’ve ever encountered in my life.)

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