Bumping Into Maleficent

, , , | Working | November 28, 2019

(I overhear my colleague talking about her day.)

Colleague: “I saw something and stopped, and suddenly something bumps into me from behind. It’s [Other Colleague]’s pregnant belly. But she didn’t even bother to say, ‘Excuse me,’ or let me know she was there. So, I hope she loses the baby, because it’s her fault for not letting me know she was behind me.”

Me: “What?”

Colleague: “Yeah! She just stood there waiting for me to bump into her, and she didn’t even bother to let me know she was behind me! It’s not my fault I bumped into her belly!”

Me: “But you’re the one who stopped suddenly.”

Colleague: “Yeah, but there’s something I wanted to look at.”

Me: “…”

Colleague: “Who asked her not to say, ‘Excuse me’? She should have let me know she was behind me. She didn’t even make a sound!”

Me: “Did she scold you or complain about you bumping into her?”

Colleague: “No, luckily. But she has no right to, because she didn’t say, ‘Excuse me.’” 

Me: “And for that, you cursed her baby?!”

Colleague: “It’s her fault for not letting me know she was behind me! She should have said ‘excuse me’! She didn’t even bother to, so I hope she loses the baby, and it would serve her right!”

(I stopped talking to her after that; otherwise, I might have been tempted to give her a good slap across her face.)

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Heels Angels

, , , , | Working | November 21, 2019

(I overheard this story from my dad. He’s a manager at a construction site, and they are EXTREMELY sexist. There’s a lady engineer whom they all look down upon because she’s female. They always find small ways to ignore her and show their displeasure at having to “take orders from a girl.” They usually have to do inspections of the building at varying stages during construction, which entails a lot of climbing. At one point, there’s only a rickety plank, at least 30 stories above ground level. The building is still under construction, with scaffolding and only some supports and stuff — I don’t know the technical terms — and it’s pretty dangerous. Even the most macho, most sexist of the men have been known to be daunted. Now, I’m not sure if the lady engineer actually needed to be present at the inspection, but she made sure she turned up, anyway!)

Lady Engineer: “Okay, so, now we proceed to [other point].” 

Construction Guy: “We will have to cross the plank.” *points to it in a silent challenge*

(The lady engineer proceeds to climb up in one easy movement, and walks quickly and unflinchingly across, in HEELS. The men are gawking, stunned out of their wits, in a cold sweat.)

Construction Guy: *quietly* “S***. Now we’ll have to do it, too.”

(The men took turns crossing with much swearing. They struggled not to flinch, either, but they were clumsier and not so good at it. The best part is, my dad later found out that there’s actually a less dangerous way of crossing, but they put the plank there to scare her off. Any one of them could have backed down and taken the easy way, but after seeing the lady seize the bull by the horns, not one of them dared to even suggest it!)

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Slim Chance Of Success

, , | Legal | October 31, 2019

(I’ve been receiving spam calls from a beauty centre lately. When I try to get them to stop calling me, this conversation ensues.)

Caller: “Hi, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Who is this?”

Caller: “I’m calling from [Beauty Centre]. You signed up for two free slimming sessions.”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

(I definitely can’t afford it, so I’ve never signed up for any such treatments.)

Caller: *quickly changing tack* “Congratulations! You have won two free slimming sessions!”

Me: “Didn’t you just say I’d signed up for it? And now you say I’ve won it.”

Caller: “Yes, you signed up for it, so you won two free sessions.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t want it; please remove my name from your database.”

Caller: “But you won it.”

Me: “I don’t want it.”

(I’ve heard enough stories about these so-called free giveaways; you need to sign up for a thousand-dollar package to receive the free sessions, and they won’t let you leave until you do.)

Caller: “Then do you want to pass it to a friend?”

Me: “No, thanks. Just remove my name.”

Caller: “You have to pass it to a friend or take it yourself. Otherwise, we will still call you.”

Me: “I don’t want it, and I don’t want to give it to a friend. Just remove my name from your database.”

Caller: “I can’t do that; you have to take it or give it to a friend. Otherwise, we’ll still keep calling you.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want to give me two free sessions. But I don’t want it. So, you want me to give it to a friend, to whom you would have to give two free sessions, as well? But I don’t want to give it to my friend. So, you don’t have to give away free sessions. However, you’re still going to forcibly give me the two free sessions, failing which you’ll continue to call and harass me?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “You want to give away your services for free that badly?”

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Will Not Spill The Tea On What’s Bothering Her

, , , | Right | October 18, 2019

(We are selling teas, and customers are able to try anything that they want. We also have some flavours readied for customer tasting at the front. We are visited by a lady customer; I end my break and she is browsing when I come out to the shop floor. My colleague has tried to serve her.)

Me: “Did she want any tea?”

Colleague: “Nope. She said she just wants to browse.”

(Some other customers walk in and I notice that she is looking for a particularly long time at one of our teas. I approach her.)

Me: “Do you want to try anything that interests you?”

Customer: “Actually, I’m interested in this one. Do you have a bigger size?”

Me: “Yes. We have it here.” *pointed to the shelf* “Would you like to try that? We have it in front, actually.”

(I proceed to the front, pour the tea for her, and she drinks half of it and puts the cup down.)

Customer: “Hmm… I don’t really like that. It tastes like water.”

(She goes back to the shelf and smells the same tea. I think maybe she doesn’t like the taste, since it will have differences between the smell and the finished brewed tea.)

Me: “May I ask what kind of flavour you like?”

Customer: “I prefer stronger ones.”

Me: “Oh, you can try this Japanese one if you like. It has a stronger taste.”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “I prefer fruity.”

Me: “Oh, I see.” *browsing through green tea section to find fruity ones with strong green tea* “Unfortunately, the other fruity green tea will be either weaker or the same…”

Customer: “You are not helping me. You just try to smell and drink that. You tell me what kind of taste is that!

(I am stunned, so I’m left there wondering why she is angry.)

Customer: “You are not going to help me standing like that, so smell this and taste the one you just gave me. Okay?!”

(I go and pour the tea from the same pot I gave her and return back to her with the tea. I have no problem with the usual taste.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but the taste is supposed to be like this…”

Customer: “NO. IT’S NOT. YOU TELL ME THAT’S HOW IT TASTES? SMELL IT!”

Me: “Well, there will be a slight difference when you brew and when you smell…”

Customer: “NO, THERE’S NOT!” *proceeds to browse another shelf*

Me: “If you don’t like it, I could brew you another flavour that you might like…”

Customer: “NO. YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME, SO CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!”

(I informed my colleague briefly what happened and that it seems I made her angry. The customer eventually buys an infuser and leaves.)

Colleague: “I don’t even dare to ask her for our membership.”

Me: “Why?” 

Colleague: “I’m afraid that I might offend her again.”

Me: “I think she is triggered because I gave her that tea.”

Colleague: “Because she doesn’t like the taste?”

(We will never know why she seemed to be so angry about the tea.)

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Enough To Make You Want To Real Cry

, , , , , | Working | October 17, 2019

(A new colleague has just joined our company. For a 36-year-old, she is really weird and incredibly infantile; she does things like sticking out her tongue at us when she loses an argument, jumping out at the other staff, and once sneaking up on me and tickling me. For lunch, there’s a canteen nearby, and we usually call beforehand to place orders. They will pack it for us but we have to collect it in person. We take turns to collect the food for everyone. It happens to be my turn, and the newbie tags along to help me carry all the packets. [Newbie] almost goes up to grab a random food packet, thinking it’s hers. I tell her it’s still not ready. She sees the cook add some spring onions to the packet in front of her, and panics.)

Newbie: “I don’t want spring onions in mine!” 

Me: “Oh, let me tell the cook.”

Cook: “Sorry, it’s already packed.”

([Newbie] stops dead in the middle of the packed canteen and starts FAKE CRYING at the top of her voice. There’s no actual tears, just a loud, deafening wailing like a baby.)

Newbie: *wailing* “AH-HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH, I don’t want spring onions! I don’t want spring onions!”

(Her hands were on my shoulders and EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the immediate vicinity turned to gape at us. She had an enormous grin on her face, like she thought she was funny. It was clear she was not actually upset by the onions, just doing it for laughs. The cook gave us a weird look and pushed the packet to us to get rid of us quickly. I nearly died of embarrassment as she wailed all the way out of the canteen. A few weeks later, she started a petty fight with our supervisor, because the supervisor called her “Miss” and she deemed it insulting. She threatened to call the police for it, and the manager got tired of her squabbling and fired her for poor attitude.)

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