His Humor Is Number One!

, , , , , | Working | March 21, 2018

(My seven-year-old son and I are picking up some photo prints I submitted online.)

Son: “Where’s the number thing?”

Me: “We don’t need to take a number. We are the only ones here, so we are next. We’re number one.”

Photo Department Guy: “Number two? Can I help number two?

Me: *snort laugh*

As Long As It Doesn’t Creep Into Friday

, , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(I have just sneezed four times in a row.)

Coworker: “Bless you. Are you okay?”

Me: *trying to be funny* “Yeah, I’m just allergic to Wednesdays.”

Coworker: “Then, you’ve got a real problem, because today is Thursday.”

Kids Are One In A Million

, , , | Related | March 19, 2018

(I like to tease young kids by saying their purchase costs a million dollars and asking if they have that much. Every so often one of them will say yes, so I ask them where it is. These are a few answers I’ve gotten.)

Child #1: *cartoonish shrug*

Child #2: “Daddy has it.”

Child #3: “My piggy bank.”

Child #4: *points to his mother’s purse*

Child #5: *hands me a dollar*

I’m Sure Felicity Smoak Could Knock One Together

, , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(As an archer, I am looking for a shooting glove to protect my fingers from the string when I draw. Of course, I know that if I ask for it by its real name, the person who works in a store with so much product won’t know what I’m talking about. So, when I walk over to a really young guy working there, I ask:)

Me: “Hi. Can you please tell me where the archery gloves are?”

(His eyes go wide with excitement.)

Salesperson: “Oh, my God. That is so cool!

Me: “What do you think I’m asking for?”

Salesperson: “A glove that shoots arrows!

Me: “Yeah… That would be cool, but no, that’s not what I’m after.”

(I explained what I wanted, and he was so crestfallen as he pointed me in the — kinda — right direction.)

Sorry Isn’t A Flavor

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2018

(I am the bad customer in this story.)

Me: “I’ll have a… How about a… small chocolate ice cream with… No, sorry. A small ice cream with the flavour of the day with, uh… brownie pieces… Wait! No. Mint candies… and… No. Sorry… I must be really annoying right now.”

Cashier: “Take your time. I press one button to remove things.”

(It took two more minutes for me to decide. I thanked him ten times before leaving.)

Page 68/153First...6667686970...Last
« Previous
Next »