This Is The Scam That Doesn’t End

, , , , , , | Working | October 9, 2018

Scam Caller: *recording* “This is the final notice about your credit card. Please press one to be connected to an agent to resolve this issue.”

Me: *presses one*

Scam Caller: “Hello. How are you today?”

Me: “I’m fine. Could you please hold?”

Scam Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(I cued up a ten-hour YouTube video of Lamb Chop’s “This is the song that doesn’t end,” and took the dogs for a walk. Yes, I keep a hot-link to this video now, for this exact purpose. But I’m a little surprised; usually they hang up after the first few seconds, but this scammer lasted a couple of minutes at least. And the dogs had a nice little walk.)

 

My Name Is Ming The Merciless And I Shall Be Your Teacher

, , , , | Learning | October 9, 2018

(I’m a student aide for one of my favorite teachers. I’m grading tests, which include both a short essay and a long essay. Some of the handwriting is completely illegible. This exchange happens with my teacher.)

Me: “[Teacher]! The handwriting on some of these is terrible. I can hardly read them!

Teacher: “Don’t worry; they will know my displeasure.”

Nothing Tastes Better Than “Free”

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(I am a cashier at a small cafe bakery, which has no line at the moment. A customer rushes in, phone in hand, and points at an online ad for our free bagel promotion.)

Customer: “Is this legit?!”

Me: “Yes, if you use [Rewards Card].”

(The customer fumbles for his wallet, pulling out his rewards card and handing it to me.)

Me: *swipes card* “Okay, you are eligible for the free bagel. Which bagel would you like?”

(He orders his bagel, and, since it is free, he doesn’t have to pay.)

Customer: “Is that it?!”

Me: “Yup, it’s a free bagel!”

Customer: “Aww, yeah!”

(He took his bagel and walked out, beaming with joy. I never knew anyone could be so happy about a bagel.)

A Dark Encounter

, , , , , | Right | October 8, 2018

(I work as an usher, and every now and then someone will buy movie tickets for their friend or significant other, who hasn’t shown up yet. The conversation usually ends up like this.)

Customer: “Would it be okay if I left you a ticket for my wife? I want to go in and find a seat.”

Me: “Sure. That’s no problem.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m going to give her a call and let her know you have it.” *on the phone* “Hey, yeah, I’m at the theater right now, and the usher has your ticket, so just go up to him and he’ll let you through. Oh… Um… He’s tall… Has a beard… Glasses… Um… Uh…”

Me: “It’s okay. You can say it. It’s a description.”

Customer: *sighs in relief* “He’s black.”

How Overgrown Is That Carpet?

, , , , , | Romantic | October 7, 2018

(My husband and I have been having trouble with a particular appliance lately. I told my husband that I would ask my mother what brand she uses so we can get a good replacement.)

Husband: “Oh, have you asked your mom about those… rug mowers?”

Me: *very confused* “Rug mowers?”

Husband: “You know… vacuum cleaners!”

(We both had a good laugh at his temporary verbal lapse.)

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