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Hamming It Up In The Deli Department

, , , , , , , , | Working | September 26, 2022

I am making up bags of sliced lunchmeat for our grab-and-go area. While I am weighing and pricing them, the scale spits out a tag giving one of the bags the price of six dollars and sixty-six cents.

Me: “Look, it’s evil ham!”

Boss: “Change that!”

I take out a piece of ham to change the price. I weigh it up again. The printer on the scale promptly jams.

Me: “It’s cursed ham!”

Just Wait (And Wait) ‘Til Your Father Gets Home!

, , , , , , , | Learning | September 26, 2022

I am teaching a fairly rowdy class of Year Nines (fourteen-year-olds) how to do average speed calculations.

Halfway through an explanation, one of the kids puts his hands up. 

Student: “Miss, I have a question!”

Me: “Okay, what’s up?”

Student: “If the shop is two miles away, and people walk at three miles an hour… why has it taken my dad seven years to go buy his tabs [cigarettes] and he’s not back yet?”

I lasted three seconds before I cracked up.

His dad still lives at home; the kid just likes to wind me up!

Sounds Like He FLOORED It!

, , , , , | Working | September 22, 2022

In the early 2000s, there was a European airline that only operated for about two years. They had really cheap flights between England and Germany.

In 2004, I travelled with them from Manchester to Munich. The plane was delayed in Manchester for about two hours. When we reached Munich, there was an announcement by the pilot.

Pilot: “Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly land in Munich. As you know, there was a delay at Manchester, but due to my superior airmanship, we have made our original arrival time.”

It made my day, and I hope he went on to better things when the airline folded later that year.

Technology Really Is Ruining Our Youth, Apparently

, , , , , , | Learning | September 22, 2022

I’m a high school teacher. Throughout distance learning, one of my students became infamous for “being on mute” when he started talking. It started as simple forgetfulness, but the kid realized he could make a game out of it, so as time went on, it turned into an annoyance as he pressed his luck longer and longer before “realizing” that he was still on mute and “apologizing for his forgetfulness”.

When we finally get back to in-person learning, I spend the first day on a simple discussion on classroom expectations now that we’re all in the same room again. As I go over each expectation, I give the kids a chance to ask questions and discuss why that expectation is in place. Eventually, the “forgetful” student raises his hand for a question.

Me: “Yes, [Student]?”

[Student] moves his lips but doesn’t make a sound.

Me: “[Student]… I’m going to give you one chance to answer. Did you actually lose your voice, or are you just playing games again by pretending you’re on mute?”

[Student] thinks for a few seconds, and then responds in a perfectly clear voice.

Student: “Well… you caught me. I just wanted to see what would happen.”

After allowing the class to giggle for a moment, I got their attention back and told everyone that while it was funny this time, those kinds of antics would not be tolerated in the future.

So far, nobody has tried it again, and with distance learning moving farther and farther into the past, I’m hoping it’ll stay that way.

Go, You Toasty Little Squirrel, Go!

, , , , , | Working | September 19, 2022

I work in a pharmacy situated in a fairly rural area of my state. As such, the power grid in our town is more susceptible to things like storms and damage to power lines. Extended power outages are unfortunately not uncommon.

My closing tech calls me shortly before her shift is supposed to start to inform me that the power has been out in her neighborhood for over two hours and to ask if we have power. (We would have had to shut the pharmacy down if the power was out.) We are experiencing a typical desert southwest heatwave and she is concerned about leaving her dog without any cooling on a 110+ degree day. Since we have power and are open, she comes in. Note: I have ADHD and refer to my struggle to pay attention as my “squirrel brain”.

Tech: “Uh, boss, did you remember to check in the controlled substance order?”

Me: “Crap! I was going to right after lunch, but then I got distracted. The squirrel in my brain is being really active today.”

Tech: *Snorts* “Well, tell the squirrel to leave you alone and hop on that old hamster wheel they’ve got powering our grid. I need my power back on!”