(Note: I’m providing tech support over the phone to a customer.)
Me: “Okay, so we’re just going to need your phone number before I can go any further.”
Caller: “Okay, it’s [local number].”
Me: “…and your area code?”
Caller: “Huh?”
Me: “What state are you in?”
Caller: “Say again?”
Me: “What state?”
Caller: “Sober?”
(Our call center specializes in courtesy calls to new health care members. We can only speak with the account holder.)
Me: *on the phone* “Hello. Is [Name] available?”
Man: “I’m Batman.”
Me: “That’s… fine, sir, but is [Name] there?”
Man: “I’m Batman.”
Me: “I understand that, but for the purposes of my call, I have to speak with [Name]. Can you please tell me if she’s available?”
Man: “I’m Batman.”
Me: “I’m near a window, and I can see the bat symbol. While you go to meet the Commissioner, could you hand the phone to [Name]?”
Man: “…” *click*
(Although I am an American, I have lived in Ireland for the past ten years.)
Me: “Hello, welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get you today?”
Customer: “Are you even from here?”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer: “Are you even from Ireland?”
Me: “Well, my family is Irish, but I was born in America.”
Customer: “And they let you work in an authentic Irish coffee shop?!”
Me: “Well, yes. I’ve lived here for years, so I guess they thought it was okay to hire me.”
Customer: “But this is so inauthentic! You don’t even have the right accent!”
Me: *with Irish accent* “Why, of course I do, luv! What are you sayin’, I don’t have the right accent?”
Customer: *flustered* “But… But… You…”
This story is part of the Saint Patrick’s Day 2022 roundup!
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(I’m shopping in a video game store, and an older, overweight, bald man comes into the store alone and proceeds to ask the greatest question I have ever heard.)
Customer: “Do you have the singing game that lets YOU be the star?”
(I’m working at the fast-food drive-thru with a particularly large group of cars in line.)
Customer: “It sure got busy all at once.”
Me: “Yeah, it happens like that.”
Customer: “You know why that is, right?”
Me: “No, tell me?”
Customer: “We wait around the corner until we have a group of about ten cars, and then we swarm all at once!”
(And from that day forward, everything made sense.)
This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!
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