Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Maybe That’s Her Good Side

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Do you take passport photos?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Do you want one taken?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just stand in front of the screen, please, and I’ll take your photo.”

(She walks up and stands in front of the white screen; she’s facing the background with her back towards me. My coworkers can barely keep it together at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around if you don’t want the back of your head on your passport.”


This story is part of the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!

Read the next Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup story!

Read the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!

Grab Bag: MMA-SF

, , , , , | Right | July 25, 2008

I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me:

1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts, and keep me company?”

3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream, ‘I want to be alone’?!”

5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

Aaaa-men, Brotha

, , , | Right | July 5, 2008

(When I was a teenager I worked in a skateboard shop in the mall. I was working with my buddy and we see a loud, filthy group of guys coming down the hall towards our store.)

Loud Customer #1: “You guys sell hackie sacks, the kind with sand in ’em?”

Me: “Yup, right there.” *pointing*

Loud Customer #2: “What’s the return policy?”

Me: “Thirty days with a receipt.”

Loud Customer #2: “So, if I shoot this hackie sack with mah sawed-off 12-gauge and run it over in mah truck, you’ll still take it back? HAW HAW!”

Me:  “Heh, no. Thanks, guys.”

(They leave. All the while, my coworker has been there, arms crossed, not moving an inch, with a cold, dead, angry stare.)

Coworker:  “Cousins need to STOP f***ing.”

(I’d never laughed so hard in my life.)

Life Before Google Street Views

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2008

(I work in an insurance agency in the middle of a downtown shopping district. A customer called and asked to be transferred to the agent with the desk by the window.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] speaking. Can I get your last name, please?”

Customer: “It’s Clark, but what do you need that for?”

Me: “Well, each agent deals with a different segment of the alphabet, so clients with last names beginning with A-H go to Joan. I will need to transfer you.”

Customer: “Does Joan have a desk by the window?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am, but she will have all of your files. If you can hold for a moment, I will transfer you.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to talk to Joan. I want to talk to you. You are the one who sits near the window, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, but as I said–”

Customer: “Look, I don’t want to talk to anyone but you! Joan doesn’t sit near the window, so she can’t help me. I need to talk to someone who has a view of the street.”

Me: “Um, okay–”

Customer: “Now if you are done, would you please tell me what the name of the curtain shop across the street from you is called?”

Me: “Huh? Uh, Country Curtains.”

Customer: “Thank you. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” *hangs up*

Me: “…”

Over-Utilized Word, Under-Utilized Noggin

, , , , , , | Right | July 1, 2008

(This happens at our video rental store the weekend that Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull comes out. We have received copies of the older three movies so people can get caught up on the series.)

Customer: “Hey, I have an issue with your movie.”

Me: “All right, what’s wrong?”

Customer: “We sat down to watch it yesterday night, and it started jumping around and froze up.”

Me: “That’s fine. I can just grab another one off the shelf and–”

Customer: “No, no, no, you don’t understand. We had the family together for this, and we bought popcorn from here that we were not able to properly utilize. ”

Me: “So… what do you want me to do?”

Customer: “I want these two buckets for free and a free rental.”

Me: “Well, you’ll be getting another Last Crusade for free–”

Customer: “No, no, no. Another credit on the account, and this popcorn because ours was not properly utilized. We put it in the microwave under the assumption that the movie was gonna work.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a free rental if we have the Last Crusade in, and I can’t give you that popcorn.”

Customer: “Is there a number I can call for the popcorn? We were supposed to see the new one tonight, but we can’t because you guys don’t check your movies before you give people popcorn.”

(So, to diagram his thought process: if a customer is renting a movie, withhold popcorn depending on quality of DVD. I get my manager.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

(The customer gives the same story with more emphasis on his family, and uses the phrase “utilize the popcorn properly” three more times.)

Manager: “Wait, did you eat the popcorn?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, we utilized it.”

Manager: “Then stop using five-dollar phrases and tell us you ate it!”

Customer: “Fine, my family ate it. Do we get them for free now?”

Manager: “No, because you bought and ate popcorn, like it’s supposed to be utilized.”

Customer: “What number can I call?”

(We gave him the number for our regional manager. We heard the next day that he called the regional manager, who laughed at him on the phone and hung up.)