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But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2009

(A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

Me: “You all set?”

Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

A New Form Of Payment

, , , | Right | January 16, 2009

Customer: “I’ll make you a deal.”

Me: “Okay…?”

Customer: “You give me these glasses, and I’ll let you take a picture of me wearing them, and hang it up in your store.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “Yeah, like all these pictures you have of people hanging up.”

Me: “Those are professional models.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a model.”

Me: “…”

Pen Envy

, , | Right | January 12, 2009

(Upon finishing a transaction with a customer, I give her a printed receipt to sign, along with a foot-long novelty pen.)

Customer: *getting very excited* “Oh. My. God. I love this pen.”

Me: “Ha, yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

Customer: “No, you have no idea. I love this pen. Gigantic pens are my thing.”

Me: “Oh, well, that’s cool then.”

Customer: “Can I buy it from you? I collect gigantic pens.”

Me: “Well, it’s not exactly a sale item, and it’s the manager’s pen anyway, so–”

Customer: “But I collect them! And this one is just awesome. Here, I can trade you for my pen.”

Me: “No, I don’t think–”

Customer: *digs in her purse and thrusts a pen at me* “Here, look! It’s really nice and it writes really well. Look at this – it’s real wood! It’s a REALLY NICE PEN!”

Me: “I’m sure you’d rather have that nice pen than the manager’s giant pen.”

(The customer begins to awkwardly try and sneak the huge pen into her purse. I stare at her while she does this, and she stops.)

Customer: “All right, all right! But I’ll be back for it!”

Me: “I have no doubt that you will. Have a nice day.”

It Was Only A Suggestion

, , , | Right | January 6, 2009

Me: “All right sir, here’s your meal.”

Customer: “Thanks a lot!”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: *serious* “Don’t tell me what to do!”

In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

, , , | Right | November 17, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place], would you like the special?”

Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”


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