Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

The Legend Of Mystery Pizza

, , , , , , | Working | October 12, 2022

I’m going to share with you some folklore from the city I was raised in. This specific piece of folklore is an establishment named Mystery Pizza. They were the most infamous pizza delivery service in town.

The first thing you need to know about Mystery Pizza is why it was a mystery. The place out of which they operated was hidden. If you could guess where they made your pizzas, you got a prize.

This led to a lot of speculation. The most common speculation I heard was that Mystery Pizza operated out of hardware stores and home improvement stores after hours and that they cooked their pizzas in propane grills.

The truth is that it operated out of the owner’s home kitchen and he valued his privacy. Eventually, he moved it to an “industrial kitchen” that was jointly used by several other businesses.

Another thing that made Mystery Pizza popular was their reputation for offering “weird” pizza. It was true that the owner was willing to put literally anything you asked for on a pizza, but what the stories don’t share is that he would charge you extra if he had to go out and buy a topping just for you.

Still, sometimes people got a craving for Poutine pizza, or Jujubees and marshmallow fluff, or whatever other drunken pizza they demanded, and the owner would happily slap on a ten-dollar surcharge and make it for them.

This wasn’t one of their original offerings, however. It started when they ran a short-term promotion called “The Mona Lisa”, which was a pizza whose ingredients were carefully arranged to look like The Mona Lisa (or if the chef wasn’t feeling up for doing The Mona Lisa, sometimes like other famous paintings).

Eventually, they stopped offering artwork pizzas, and the story got garbled into “any topping pizzas,” which the owner then took advantage of. A friend of mine once got a Tripas pizza, seasoned like the Mexican Tripa soup, but they had to pay $25 extra for it due to the specialty toppings.

The person who owned Mystery Pizza also owned a taxi company called Rainbow Taxi; their one taxi had a distinctive rainbow chequerboard pattern on it. Sometimes it was used to deliver pizzas. Sometimes you’d hail the Rainbow Taxi and find yourself sitting next to a stack of pizzas mid-delivery.

Later, the owner added a second car to his taxi fleet, a student art project he purchased from the University called The Trash Car, which had plexiglass dividers to make it possible to sit in some of the seats while the rest of the car was piled high in, well, trash — mostly paper and plastics. This vehicle was also used both for delivery and occasional passengers.

Eventually, there were changes to the law around food delivery, and the owner was no longer able to deliver food at the same time as driving passengers around. This was, apparently, the death blow to the owner’s profitability (or possibly to his enjoyment), as Mystery Pizza ceased operation soon after.

But the legends, rumors, and mysteries around it continue to this day.

She Screams, He Screams, Then I Buy Their Ice Cream

, , , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: DualKeys | October 11, 2022

A while back, my brother-in-law was waiting in the checkout line when a couple nearby started arguing. They had one container of ice cream in their cart, and the woman was trying to convince her husband to go back and grab the last one. It was a slightly unusual flavor from a popular local brand, and she was in full panic-buying mode. If it’s almost gone, we have to buy it all!

To hear my brother-in-law tell it, the exchange went something like this.

Woman: “Come on! Just go grab the last one.”

Man: “But we don’t need two tubs of ice cream!”

Woman: “But there’s only one left!”

And so on and so forth. They argued back and forth until my brother-in-law got fed up listening to them. He walked over to the nearby ice cream cooler, grabbed the last tub of ice cream, and put it in his cart.

They quit arguing after that.

A New Kind Of Identity Theft

, , , , , , , | Working | October 10, 2022

This is not word for word, since I don’t think I will be able to translate it properly that way, but I still tried.

I like being a little troll when I can, and those kiosks in shopping centers with overly pushy workers are usually a great way for me to do so. I usually only do this when they go overboard and get too pushy; I don’t mess with the decent ones since nobody likes their time wasted.

This kiosk was selling some sort of subscription for some makeup and body care products. As I went by, the lady almost jumped in front of me to get my attention, which worked. I couldn’t process what happened at first because she appeared in front of me so fast, and she took the time while I was processing to start her spiel about the products and subscription plan. I remember that when she finally took a breath, I told her that I was not really interested. She didn’t take it too well.

Customer: *With a slightly disgusted look* “Well, it would only benefit you!

And with that, she grabbed me by my arm and pulled me toward the kiosk to try and sign me up for this garbage. This is when I decided that she was a perfect candidate for one of the little plans I had been coming up with in the past month. Thankfully, she even started with the exact question I needed.

She finished looking for her papers and looked at me with a disgustingly sweet smile.

Customer: “All right, I will just need you to give me your name, email address, and phone number!

Me: “…what?”

Customer: “Ugh, your name?”

Me: “I don’t want to give it to you, though.”

Customer: “But I will need you to.”

Me: “I can’t; it’s mine.”

Customer: *Confused* “Uh…”

I started to look incredibly scared in a really fake way.

Me: “I… I can’t give it to you; it’s mine. If I do that, I will have no name! What will I do then?! I will have no identity!”

The lady started to look more worried. Her smile was gone, and she was trying to respond, but she only managed to act like a fish outside of water.

I took my chance, turned around, and started fast-walking away, only to be greeted by the sight of a mall security guard staring at the situation and trying his hardest not to laugh.

I had to book it out of there faster to not burst out laughing myself. At least I made someone’s day better other than mine with my tirade.

Some Professions Require A Unique Sense Of Humor

, , , , , , | Working | October 6, 2022

This happens while I am working as the emergency planner for our county Health Department. I am in a training session with, among other people, six members of a local fire department. Let it be said that I love working with first responders, if only because they are very funny in a dark sort of way.

Two of them are discussing a piece of equipment.

Fire Dude #1: “Is [radio] firefighter-proof?”

Fire Dude #2: “If you can use it as a wheel chock, it’s firefighter-proof.”

The instructor is a quiet gentleman from Utah who really should have known better.

Instructor: “So, what is the single most dangerous item in your house?”

Fire Dude #2: “My wife.”

The training ends with a tabletop exercise simulating a flood in a resort town.

Instructor: “You still have over fifty people stranded at the (imaginary) hotel. What is your recommended course of action?”

Fire Dude #3: “They’re tourists. Let ’em drown.”

The best part of the training? After lunch, all of the fire dudes showed up wearing hot pink T-shirts with the breast cancer ribbon printed on them. TIGHT hot pink T-shirts.

You’d Betta Get In There RIGHT NOW!

, , , , , | Working | October 5, 2022

I used to work in a pretty nice pet store that, like many others, sold betta fish. Once a week or so, we’d switch all the bettas from their old, dirty cups into clean new ones. As anyone who’s had fish or worked in a pet store can tell you, catching a slippery little fish in a three-inch-by-three-inch cube is surprisingly challenging.

One evening, I’m moving the fish into their new cups, and one is being just PARTICULARLY difficult. At this point, I think it’s only my coworker and me in the store. I’m muttering to myself as I chase the fish with the little net scoop.

Me: “Get in the net… in the net… in the net… in the— I AM YOUR GOD, FISH!”

I hear unfamiliar laughter behind me and freeze. Slowly, I turn around and see a customer I hadn’t noticed standing at the cash register, obviously amused by my little outburst. My coworker is grinning at me. I’m a little embarrassed, but I laugh.

Me: “Well, it’s true!”

Customer: “No, no, I get it. it’s just really funny!”

All bettas were eventually successfully transferred to clean cups without further incident.