Fads Are Not Light Bulb Moments

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2018

(The latest management fad is a daily briefing in which we have to state yesterday’s achievements and objectives for today, with a three-minutes time limit, all while standing in a circle holding hands. The implementer of the fad alternates between interrupting people for not giving their statements correctly and reprimanding them for running out of time. My turn comes, but a colleague cuts me off:)

Colleague: “[My Name], get a ladder and get someone to hang that map…”

Me: “Oh, while they have the ladder out, they could also change the burnt-out light bulb in the corridor!”

Fad Implementer: *holding up a finger like I was a little kid* “No, no, no, [My Name], this is not a topic for the morning briefing!”

Me: *speechless*

(I just hope the fad dies out before I punch him in the throat.)

A Powerless Solution

, , , , | Working | October 11, 2018

(It has been a very long day at my IT-based company. An important server went down this morning in a particularly messy way. We’ve been on a conference call with both business and technical people for over four hours at this point, first getting the server restarted, then cleaning up all the messes it made and downstream problems that were indirectly caused by the messes. We’ve finally gotten to the end of it all; we’ve solved the last problem and gotten everything back on track.)

Coworker #1: “Okay, so is that it? Are there any other problems?”

(As soon as the words are out of her mouth, all the lights in the building go out; it’s a power outage.)

Coworker #2: “WELL, THAT MIGHT BE ONE!”

Shaving Off Some Sun

, , , , , | Romantic | October 11, 2018

(My husband finishes taking his shower and comes to sit next to me on the sofa.)

Me: *snuggling* “You smell so good!”

Husband: “Yeah, I ran out of shaving cream halfway through and used sunscreen, instead.”

Me: *baffled laughter*

Running Their Mouths

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2018

(I recently began work in the hotel side of a pretty renowned local restaurant with a Michelin star rating. I was worried that my coworkers would be stuffy or very serious, but instead they’re very down-to-earth. They’re very careful to be professional but friendly with guests, but we have a good laugh when everyone is checked out. Guests can be a bit of a mixed bag — as we all know! — so when we serve breakfasts in their suites, conversation is generally reserved to polite questions about dinner in the restaurant the night before. One morning this conversation transpires.)

Coworker: “So, how did you find your dinner last night?”

Guest: “Oh, quite wonderful. I’m still full! I don’t know how I’m going to manage after this breakfast!”

Coworker: *without thinking* “Not to worry; go for a jog around in the garden outside to work it all off!”

Guest: “This is a five-star establishment!

(There is a moment of pause as we begin to run through all the ways this conversation could hurtle rapidly downhill. My coworker, thinking he is offended, makes to try and preemptively smooth over the situation.)

Guest: *laughing* “I would expect someone to go outside and do the running for me!”

How To Nurse A Case Of The Hiccups

, , , , , | Healthy | October 10, 2018

(We are sitting at break in my Med/Surg Nursing course one afternoon, and we’ve just finished clarifying that our final exam is NOT cumulative. I notice my classmate next to me has hiccups.)

Me: “Got hiccups?”

Classmate: “Yeah.”

Me: “Want me to scare them out of you?”

Classmate: *sleepily* “Nooooo! Don’t scare me.”

(Jokingly, I throw my arm around her and lean in.)

Me: “Hey, hey, [Classmate], the fourth test is cumulative!”

Classmate: “WAIT, WHAT?!”

Me: “Oh, my God, no! We just finished discussing this! I’m joking.”

Classmate: “…”

Me: “HOLY CRAP! It actually stopped your hiccups!”

(We all lost it. Forget “boo.” If you want to scare a nursing student, just tell her the exam will be harder!)

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