Found The Sauce Of His Infidelity

, , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(A coworker has just finished making a bucket of pizza sauce. In our store we make sure all product has a sticker listing the expiration date and time. A manager comes to talk with the coworker.)

Manager: “Hey, did you date the sauce?”

(Before [Coworker] can speak, I interject.)

Me: “Nope, he took it to one dinner and figured out they weren’t compatible.”

(Everyone laughs.)

Manager: *to coworker* “I’m going to tell your wife you’re cheating on her with a redhead.”

Me: “A robust, saucy redhead!”

Very A-Mew-sing

, , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(One day I get a call from a telemarketer. I’m alone in the house, aside from the family pets.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I am calling from [Company] about [something we don’t need]. I need to speak with Timothy.”

Me: “Um, well, there is a Timothy here, but I’m pretty sure he’s not the one you want to talk to.”

Telemarketer: “If Timothy is there, put him on the line! This is extremely important!”

Me: “All right. If you say so.” *holding the phone towards Timothy* “Timothy, you have a phone call.”

Timothy: “Meow!”

(My dad and my cat are both named Timothy.)

The Notion Of This Potion Is Magic

, , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(I work as a secretary for a busy lawyer. Towards the end of the year the office is incredibly busy as clients remember all the “urgent” things they had lying around for weeks, but which now can’t wait till after the holidays. As per his wishes, I’m trying to keep people away from my boss, but even so, his schedule is completely full. When an important client calls, I make no promises to the client, but let my boss know that in this case the customer may be right, and it does seem urgent. It is, so they arrange for a phone call. During the day, I often tiptoe into my boss’ office to get signatures, and I happen to walk in while he is talking to this client. I only catch this gem:)

Boss: “Gosh, no. We’re incredibly busy, that’s all; Ms. [My Name] is fighting tooth and nail to get me some breathing space, but it’s just not happening. So far, no one’s invented a magic potion or anything.”

(I get an idea, so I leave quickly and return a few minutes later to place a fresh cup of coffee on his desk. My boss glances at it and starts laughing.)

Boss: *still on the phone* “I’m so sorry! Ms. [My Name] has found the magic potion and brought me coffee.” *pause* “No, you can’t have her. I found her and I’m keeping her.”

The Loyalty Beasts Are Here To Help

, , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2018

(My best friend has an interview fairly early in the morning. I set an alarm even earlier so I can send her a text to wish her best of luck beforehand. Instead, she gets this…)

My Text: “Greg wish you beasts of loyalty!”

(She did get the job.)

This Place Is Not High-ly Recommended

, , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2018

(I’m at a fast food place known for their tacos, etc. It’s a little after midnight and I pull into the drive-thru.)

Employee: *giggles* “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Unfortunately, we, uh… we don’t have any food right now.”

Me: “No food, eh?”

Employee: *giggling more* “Nope. We, uh, didn’t get… the truck… Should be here in a few hours.”

Me: “I see.”

Employee: “So, uh…”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll go somewhere else.”

(I have worked in a few fast food places before, and I find it hard to imagine that a place like that was completely out of everything they offered. I’m pretty sure they were high and just didn’t want to make any food. But since I was also just looking for some munchies, I decided not to call corporate or make a scene. I just went to a different fast food place and called it a night.)

Page 4/56First...23456...Last
« Previous
Next »