That GIF Was No Gift

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | June 24, 2020

Today, I was talking on Messenger with a friend whom I haven’t gotten to see in months because of the quarantine. She was feeling particularly down-in-the-dumps, so I decided to send her some fun GIFs to cheer her up.

After some browsing, I found a GIF that showed a clip of someone pushing brightly-colored confetti across the floor, reversed so that it revealed the words “ur pretty”. Content with my light-hearted choice, I clicked the GIF and watched it send out into cyberspace.

And then, I watched in horror as the GIF played again on my screen. After the person in the GIF revealed the words “ur pretty,” there was a pause before they continued moving to reveal the word “UGLY” in much larger letters. I hadn’t realized there was more to this GIF!

I quickly scrambled to apologize to my friend who, luckily, found it hilarious. Lesson learned: watch the entire GIF before you click!

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Cheesy Jokes Can Get Your Goat

, , , , , | Working | June 23, 2020

My coworker has no kids of his own but has nieces and nephews. He is telling us about taking the kids to a petting zoo.

Coworker: “Do you know that goats smell like Feta cheese?”

Me: “No, [Coworker], Feta cheese smells like goats.”

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Run, Air Molecule, Run!

, , , , , | Learning | June 23, 2020

My chemistry teacher in high school is fantastic. He has an accent like Forrest Gump and a very dry, understated sense of humor. On one memorable occasion, while discussing the properties of gases, he makes the following statement while seeming to point to a spot on the other side of the room.

Teacher: “That air molecule right there is traveling at about 600 miles per hour.”

Cue twenty-five teenagers turning to look at the molecule.

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Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 19, 2020

I work at a fast food chain that is known for its double-stacked burgers. It’s my first day, and I’m working the second window, giving people their food. This is the middle of a rush, and we are working as fast as possible.

A customer pulls up and I open my window.

Customer: “MY BROTHER!”

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. Here is your order; have a great day.”

Customer: “Wow! That was lightning quick!”

Me: “We call it fast food for a reason. Have a great day.”

It’s a pretty typical situation until he comes back fifteen minutes later, unannounced, skipping the order box and pay window, and coming straight to mine.

Me: “Welcome back to [Fast Food Chain]. Was there a problem with your order?”

Customer: “No man! We just wanted some [Famous Burger Sauce].”

I have no idea what to do, so I yell for a manager. The manager tells the kitchen to get a box of the sauce. As I’m handing him the sauce:

Customer: “Can we have two?”

I yell for another. The manager is literally walking up to me with the other sauce in hand.

Customer: “One is actually enough, bye!” 

He then peeled out and sped off. We joked around for the rest of the shift by calling me “MY BROTHER!”

Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem

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You Gotta Know How To Push Your Partner’s Buttons

, , , , , | Romantic | June 18, 2020

My boyfriend grew up and lives in Australia half the year and Canada the rest. During the health crisis, he is working a temperature checkpoint at his work, which means that he is pulling double shifts. This also means that, despite everything, we do not get to speak more than twice a week because he is either working or sleeping or I’m the one asleep.

It has been two weeks at this point since our last call, which was our last conversation. I am at work when he sends me a message over Skype, which includes picture spam of my favourite character from an MMORPG, which he always knows cheers me up.

Me: “What’s with the picture spam?”

Boyfriend: “I feel like an a**hole.”

Me: “Why would you say that?”

Boyfriend: “Because I haven’t been around, and whenever I’m free I’m usually helping [Brother] with something or babysitting [Nephew] or neglecting you, and I’m sorry.”

Me: “So, to say sorry, you chose to send me a picture of [Character] in nothing but a loincloth on the beach?”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Apology accepted.”

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