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Her Head’s A Balloon You Just Wanna Pop

, , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2021

There’s a member of our team who doesn’t seem to be entirely present, [Coworker #1]. Airheaded is an understatement, but nearly everyone finds her funny, so she gets humoured, though I doubt she realises that. I’m one of the few who don’t have patience for her, so I just try to cut her a wide berth and interact with her as minimally as possible but at least politely.

I’m busy with [Coworker #2] when I realise [Coworker #1] is nearby behind me, constantly repeating the same word. However, I’m in the middle of something, so I opt to leave her to it. After a minute of this, I zone out of my conversation to try and figure out what she’s on about, so I can make her go away.

I realize the word she’s been repeating is a name that’s similar to mine but isn’t mine.

Oh. I think she’s been trying to get my attention. Just as I turn around, though, three others turn to her, and, all in the tone of an impatient adult dealing with a child…

Coworkers #3, #4, & #5: “[MYYY NAAME]!”

Coworker #1: “Who?”

I won’t lie, I had to bite my lip as I approached her so as not to laugh. It was a relief of sorts, to see that she gets on the nerves of others; it wasn’t just me.

Someone Dialed 867-5309

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2021

Me: “[Company], this is Jenny.”

Caller: *Bursts into song* “Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?”

Me: “Today, you can turn to me!”

This got a big laugh, and we moved on with the transaction. The caller had no idea, but I was having an absolutely terrible day up until that point, and his song cheered me up immensely.

Children Singing Tasty Rhyme

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 24, 2021

We had a bit of a party at the weekend, and come Monday evening, we were taking stock of what we had left.

My husband was in the kitchen.

Husband: “We’ve still got a bottle of wine we haven’t finished.”

Then, he looked in the fridge.

Husband: “Looks like we got some leftover sausages, too.”

Then, he burst into song.

Husband: “Christmas time, sausages and wine…”

Me: “Aargh!”

What If The Duck Wanted Some Wings?

, , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2021

I’m ordering inside. I can hear an employee talking to the drive-thru through an intercom.

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Chain]. What can I get you today?”

Intercom: *Quacking noise*

Employee: “Can you repeat that?”

Intercom: *Quacking noise*

Employee: “Hey, [Boss], intercom’s busted again. It’s just making duck noises.”

Boss: “It was just working fine. Let me see what’s—”

He leans his head all the way out the window.

Boss: “Hey, you! Quit holding up the line and let that duck go!”

Two kids ran away laughing, one holding a quacking duck under her arm.

You Can Pretend You’re Wringing The Neck Of Someone You Hate!

, , , , | Working | November 15, 2021

It’s a Thursday, which for us usually means we’re finishing moving seasonal items from the stock room to the sales floor so that it’s clean for Friday’s truck. Two of my teenage coworkers are working on opening the last few boxes of freight, which include bubble wrap.

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name]! You should come pop this!”

I’ve been having a weird day, doing something I’m not usually in charge of, and I’m covered in glitter from the stock I’m moving. I walk over and join them.

Coworker #2: “It’s so satisfying.”

They’re both just standing/stomping on the bubble wrap to flatten it before they throw it away. That’s not how I like to pop bubble wrap, so I pick up a piece and twist it with my hands.

Coworker #1: *Looking surprised* “Ohhhh, I like it.”

Me: “Stress relief!”

It seemed like my coworker had never seen bubble wrap popped that way before. It’s much more satisfying to me to physically twist it than to just stomp on it.