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Now Give Me One Million Push Ups

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2009

(I am a personal trainer for this gym member, who has always been a little strange.)

Gym Member: “You always make me do difficult things!”

Me: *joking* “Yeah, I’m sinister like that.”

Gym Member: “I don’t know what that means, so don’t tell me!”

Me: “Okay.”

(The next day, the same member comes into the gym with a look of panic on her face.)

Gym Member: “I went home and looked up sinister. You’re not sinister, you’re lovely!”

Me: “No, it’s okay. I was kidding!”

Gym Member: “But sinister means evil! I do not have an evil personal trainer! You’re lovely! You’re lovely!!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Gym Member: “Oh, you’re welcome, sweetie. I’ll see you next week, but never say sinister again!”


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A State Of Mindlessness

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2009

(Note: I’m providing tech support over the phone to a customer.)

Me: “Okay, so we’re just going to need your phone number before I can go any further.”

Caller: “Okay, it’s [local number].”

Me: “…and your area code?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “What state are you in?”

Caller: “Say again?”

Me: “What state?”

Caller: “Sober?”

The Caped Crusader In His Spare Time

, , , | Right | July 6, 2009

(Our call center specializes in courtesy calls to new health care members. We can only speak with the account holder.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hello. Is [Name] available?”

Man: “I’m Batman.”

Me: “That’s… fine, sir, but is [Name] there?”

Man: “I’m Batman.”

Me: “I understand that, but for the purposes of my call, I have to speak with [Name]. Can you please tell me if she’s available?”

Man: “I’m Batman.”

Me: “I’m near a window, and I can see the bat symbol. While you go to meet the Commissioner, could you hand the phone to [Name]?”

Man: “…” *click*

Brogue On A Dime

, , | Right | July 3, 2009

(Although I am an American, I have lived in Ireland for the past ten years.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Are you even from here?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Are you even from Ireland?”

Me: “Well, my family is Irish, but I was born in America.”

Customer: “And they let you work in an authentic Irish coffee shop?!”

Me: “Well, yes. I’ve lived here for years, so I guess they thought it was okay to hire me.”

Customer: “But this is so inauthentic! You don’t even have the right accent!”

Me: *with Irish accent* “Why, of course I do, luv! What are you sayin’, I don’t have the right accent?”

Customer: *flustered* “But… But… You…”


This story is part of the Saint Patrick’s Day 2022 roundup!

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Coming Soon: Backup Singer Hero

, , , , | Right | July 2, 2009

(I’m shopping in a video game store, and an older, overweight, bald man comes into the store alone and proceeds to ask the greatest question I have ever heard.)

Customer: “Do you have the singing game that lets YOU be the star?”