(My algebra teacher teaches both honors and regulars at my school.)
Classmate: “Mr. [Teacher], what are the regulars doing right now?”
Teacher: “They just did a MathXL quiz.” *he giggles* “I made the password ‘ilovemath’ just so they would have to write it out once in their lives.”
(I have just woken up from surgery. I look around the room and see my Ob/Gyn, so I decide to start a conversation.)
Me: “Are you real?”
Ob/Gyn: “Yes.”
Me: “I don’t think so! Wait, maybe you’re a ghost.”
Ob/Gyn: “I’m not a ghost.”
Me: “I bet I can stick my hand through you.” *I flop my arm over in his direction and hit him in the side* “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!”
Ob/Gyn: “Do what?”
Me: “Block my hand.”
Ob/Gyn: “Like I said, I’m not a ghost.”
Me: “I knew it! You’re not real; this is all a dream. I think I can control it.”
(At this point, he stops talking and directs my bed into a recovery room. On the way, I hear a beeping sound, probably someone’s heart monitor going off.)
Me: “I did that.”
(A conversation with a coworker has led us to talk about dreams where we do things we wouldn’t in reality.)
Me: “I can’t think of any dream where I was really evil or anything. But I guess I’ve stolen a few things. There was a taxi some years ago and, more recently, a slice of pizza from a dragon.”
Boss: *overhearing* “Did you just say you stole pizza from a dragon?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Boss: *short pause* “That’s why Daenerys attacked.”
(I am living by myself for the first time in my life. I have a really close friend; we’ve known each other since we were 12 and are like family. We also work together and have keys to each other’s houses. This takes place at 4:00 am while I’m showering to get ready for work. I hear the bathroom door open and the unmistakable sound of someone using the restroom.)
Me: *from the shower* “Good morning, [Friend]!”
Friend: *in a very much not-awake voice* “I’m sorry, [My Name]; I didn’t realize you were already in here.”
(They finish, wash their hands, and leave. I keep showering. A few minutes later, they are back.)
Friend: *sounding more awake* “Wait a minute! This is my bathroom! Why are you in my shower?”
Me: “Sorry, I needed to shower.”
Friend: *as if this explains everything* “Spider?”
Me: *because it does explain everything* “Spider.”
Friend: *sighs* “I’ll go over before work and save your bathroom from the big scary spider.”
Me: “Thank you! Now, can you go away, so I can finish getting ready for work?”
Did you find this story in our Best Friends Roundup?
(Our miniature poodle is a friendly, happy dog. During the morning we let him out into a fenced area. Usually he sticks to routine. One morning, he decides he doesn’t feel like going out, despite it being a lovely, sunny day. He steps outside the house, takes a glance around, and sits down.)
Me: “[Dog], come on! Here we go!”
(He takes a long look at me.)
Me: “Come on! Come here!”
(He takes another long look, and surveys the scene once more, and lays down.)
Me: “[Dog]! Come here, now. Come on.”
(He flops over on his side.)
Me: “[DOG]! Come! Now!”
(He begins to push pathetically with his paws, as if trying to walk while laying flat on his side. There is a lot of theatricality in his movements, as if the sheer effort is killing him. Now laughing, I step back to him, pick him up, carry him inside the pen, and put him down.)
Me: “There you go, you ridiculous dog.”
(He immediately began walking around as normal, checking out this and that, and I stayed for a few moments to make sure there wasn’t actually anything wrong with him. There wasn’t. He decided the ruse hadn’t paid off, so he might as well get on with life. I was impressed with our little thespian, though; he put his heart and soul into that performance.)
