(I am ringing up a customer in his 50s. Because it’s a small store, and it’s midday, I enjoy making small talk with our customers.)

Me: “Your total comes to $19.75, sir.” *without saying dollar*

Customer: “1975, great! That was also a great year.”

Me: “Really? Was that the year you were born?”

(As I am in my late 20s and the customer in his 50s, I know this is impossible, but I am being friendly.)

Customer: “Nope. Even better; it’s the year I lost my virginity!”

(Stunned, not knowing what to say, I handed him his receipt. He just smiled and walked out of the store with his bags.)

(My mother is helping me sort my son’s clothing to donate anything he has outgrown. I have really small feet, so I have to shop in the kid’s section for footwear.)

Mom: *holds up a small pair of Boba Fett socks* “I think [Son] has outgrown these; shouldn’t we donate them?”

Me: “Those socks are too small for him, but they are mine, so it doesn’t matter that he can’t wear them.”

Mom: “You are a grown woman, and you have Star Wars socks?”

Me: “Does being an adult mean I shouldn’t have Boba Fett socks?”

Mom: “Yeah.”

Me: “I feel a sudden need to do away with such silliness.”

Mom: “The socks?”

Me: *grabs socks* “No, adulthood.”

(My brother’s boyfriend comes to pick him up for their date. My brother and I share the same room. I’m feeding my new pet tarantula when he walks in.)

Brother’s Boyfriend: “Cool pet.”

Me: “Thanks. Say hello Tara.”

Brother’s Boyfriend: “Tara? Isn’t that a little on the nose?”

Me: “You have a calico named Catherine and an Egyptian Mau named Cleopatra.”

Brother’s Boyfriend: “Touché.”

(I work at a very popular girls’ clothing store. We sell large emoji pillows. A customer comes in and buys one large happy emoji, and one large poop emoji. We have bags large enough to hold them. After putting the happy emoji in a bag, I find myself saying this gem:)

Me: “Hmm. I don’t think I can squish the poop in this bag, too.”

(I have this “conversation” with my father every few weeks when I am living with him in my mid-twenties.)

TV Commercial: “Talk to your kids about drugs.”

Dad: *yelling from the TV room* “[My Name]! Don’t do drugs!”

Response #1: “You’re ruining my life!“

Response #2: “Well, I can’t get a refund!”

Response #3: “But I already sent out the party invitations! Also, don’t come home Friday!”