Give Them An Inch And They’ll Want To Drive Miles

, , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(An employee and I work at a truck rental location, and every so often customers come in asking for the wrong size truck. On this day the employee chooses to give the customer what they asked for.)

Customer: *walks up to counter where employee is standing* “I’d like to rent one of your 15-inch trucks.”

Employee: *with a puzzled look on his face* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What aren’t you understanding? I want to rent a 15-inch truck!”

Employee: *looks over at me before reaching for the toy truck on the sale rack behind us* “Okay, sir. That is one 15-inch truck. That’ll be $10.55. Would you like to pay cash or card?

Customer: *visibly frustrated while others in the lobby giggle a little* “You think you’re funny, boy? That not what I said!”

Employee: “Yes, sir, it was. You asked for a 15-inch truck. If you are looking to rent a 15-foot truck, I’d be more than happy to help you with that, as well.”

Customer: *looks confused, then finally puts it together*

(The next day the manager called stating the employee had a complaint against him. The manager laughed and asked if the customer got the truck. The employee stated he got them both.)

Dad Isn’t A Total Dummy

, , , , | Related | December 5, 2018

(My father is totally blind. This story takes place back when many women still wear real furs. My mother’s winter coat has worn out, and she and my father are in a department store shopping for a new one. As my mother is browsing, my father grows bored and starts feeling the various coats around around him. He comes upon a fur coat that is thick and plush, and believes it to be on a mannequin.)

Father: “Hey, [Mom]. Come look at the coat on this dummy!”

(My mother turns around and is horrified to see my father running his hands all over an extremely angry, elderly woman in an expensive fur.)

Other Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Mother: “We’re so sorry, ma’am!” *drags my father away, who is doubled over laughing*

(I’m still don’t know if he legitimately thought it was a mannequin as he claims, or he just wanted an excuse to leave!)

Zero Nutritional Information Must Mean Zero Calories!

, , , , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(I’m ordering food from a popular fast food chain. I see an advertisement outside about their new chicken sandwich. Inside, there’s only one other customer, and the cashier.)

Me: *to the cashier* “Sorry, do you happen to have the nutritional info on the new [Sandwich]?”

Cashier: “I don’t know for certain, but it might be on the board over there.”

(She gestures to the board on the wall showing nutrition facts for most of their items. I check the board and it’s not there. This makes sense, as it’s a new item.)

Me: “Nah, it’s not there. I’m sorry; I’m just bad at making decisions.”

(A customer who has been standing to the side chimes in.)

Customer: “Ah, c’mon, man! You can be good to yourself tomorrow; just get the thing, already!”

Me: “I’ve been good to myself today. This is my only meal!”

Cashier: “Exactly! You can worry about nutrients later!”

Customer: “Yeah, dude, you deserve this! It’s the holiday season, after all!”

Me: “All right, fine. I’ll get the [Sandwich] with fries and a diet [Soda].”

Customer: “See, there you go! A diet soda cancels out all the calories!”

Me: “Yeah, but haven’t you heard? Aspartame cancer, apparently.”

Cashier: “Cancer can wait. Besides, we’ll have a cure by the time you’re old!”

(We all shared a laugh. This exchange guaranteed I’ll be going back!)

Start The Car Or Get The Girl

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 5, 2018

(When I am eighteen it is deemed necessary for me to buy a car. I buy one from a neighbor that is over twenty years old, but in good enough shape to get me back and forth to college. The car won’t start after a long day at school. My school has a driver assistance program for simple fixes. I call them, and within fifteen minutes a van pulls up. He tries to jump the car, which doesn’t work. The battery isn’t dead, so I assume the starter is having problems. I resign myself to calling a tow truck. I walk to the main entrance to wait for him. When he arrives, the tow truck he has brought is far too large to make it to the top floor of the parking garage.)

Tow Driver: “This one is too big. I’ll call my partner to bring the smaller truck.”

(While he is doing that, I notice a very pretty female student, who has gotten a flat tire in front of the garage. I offer to help. She grabs the jack and spare tire from her trunk and I go to work. My tow truck driver is now standing on the bed of his truck, screaming directions angrily into his phone for the smaller tow truck driver. It is comical, and the pretty girl and I both have a laugh. It is then that I notice that one of her lugnuts is a wheel lock, and I will need the special tool to get it off. This tool is usually kept near the spare.)

Me: “Do you have the adaptor for your wheel lock? It should be in the trunk where the rest of this was.”

Pretty Girl: “Oh, yeah. I didn’t know what that was, so I didn’t grab it.”

(She tries to open her trunk but it is locked. She goes for the drivers door… which is also locked.)

Pretty Girl: “Oh, no! I locked my keys in the car.”

(Sure enough, all the doors are locked, and the keys are on the front seat.)

Pretty Girl: “I think I am just going to call my dad; he has my spare keys and will be able to fix the tire.”

Me: “Are you sure? I would be happy to wait with you until he gets here.”

Pretty Girl: “No, that’s all right. I think your ride is here, anyway.”

(Sure enough, the second tow truck had showed up, so the two drivers and I piled in and made our way to my car. The original driver asked for my keys, sat in the driver’s seat, and tried the ignition. Nothing. He then tried again, this time mashing the gas pedal to the floor a few times, causing the car to start up with a roar like I had never heard from this car. Having never driven an older car to this point, giving it a little gas had never even occurred to me. I was on my way home five minutes later. So, to sum up, I paid over $200 to have another grown man teach me how to start my car. It wasn’t until I was halfway home that I realized my other mistake: I had been assisting a very pretty damsel in distress, and I never even thought to ask for her number.)

You Are What You Eat

, , , , , | Related | December 1, 2018

(Overheard between a customer and her approximately ten-year-old child:)

Child: “Mom, can we get some Nerds?”

Customer: “You are a nerd, my love.”

(She let him get the Nerds.)

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