Drop The Mic, And Only The Mic!

, , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2018

(My church runs parent-child dedications where the family of an infant goes up to the altar and the pastor holds the baby and prays for them. This particular child is handed to him in an odd way, and he drops the microphone. Now he can’t pick it up, because he is cradling the child in both arms. There is an awkward pause, and a kind woman in the congregation hollers:)

Congregant: “Better the mic than the baby!”

Nothing Never Tasted So Good

, , , , , , , | Related | June 11, 2018

(I am visiting my cousin and niece at their house. They are in the kitchen while I am in an adjacent room.)

Niece: “Daddy, can I have some ice cream?”

Cousin: “Sure thing. Don’t tell anyone else about this, okay?”

(At this point, I need something from the kitchen, so I walk in, just as my cousin is opening the freezer and taking out an ice cream carton.)

Me: “Hey there, [Niece]. What are you doing?”

Niece: “We’re getting… nothing from the freezer.”

(She held her arms out, as if to block me from seeing my very tall cousin prepare an ice cream cone.)

I Got 42 Problems And You’re One

, , , , , , | Related | June 11, 2018

(It’s well known that when someone, usually my wife, asks, “Random question,” my immediate response, without hesitation, is, “42.” Usually, she responds with an eyeroll. This morning as I am making breakfast, a random thought hits me…)

Me: “Random question.”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “SIXTY-FOUR!” *he is a fan of the Beatles… so it’s an easy mistake to make*

Me: “No… the answer to everything is 42. Anyway, I had a random question.”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “FORTY-TWO!”

Me: “No… a random question for your mother.”

(My wife, a Spanish teacher, gets that glint in her eyes as it’s FINALLY her turn… but her mouth is full.)

Me: “I know… cuarenta y dos, but seriously, I just had a question.”

Wife: *immediately grabs her plate and walks into the bedroom closing the door*

Me: “But didn’t you want to hear the question?!”

(For those still curious, my random question was this… “Do helium tanks get heavier, or lighter as more helium is used out of them?”)

It’s Not So Oui-sey

, , , , , | Working | June 10, 2018

(My husband and I have taken our five-month-old son abroad to a famous theme park for our first family holiday. We are staying in one of the park’s hotels and go there immediately after arriving to check in and drop off our bags. We don’t speak French, but as the majority of staff speak English, we don’t foresee any problems. We also request a travel cot from reception to be delivered to our room. We venture into the park and spend several hours happily exploring and taking pictures and get back to the hotel well after dark. Being very tired, our first priority is to assemble the travel cot and put the baby down to sleep. However, after a couple of minutes, it becomes clear that something is wrong, as the cot refuses to open. After giving the whole thing a final shake — more out of tiredness and frustration than anything else — the cot suddenly unfolds with a clatter. It turns out that in trying to close it, the previous user of the cot had forced it in such a way that one of the metal legs had broken clean off, resulting in the cot getting suck in the “closed” position and rendering it unusable. Now annoyed, as well as tired and frustrated, I call the reception desk and explain that our travel cot is broken and we require a new one as soon as possible. The receptionist is not as fluent in English as the one we spoke to earlier in the day, but she seems to get the gist of our request and says that she will send someone right away. Twenty minutes later, an employee appears at our door. He does not speak English, but walks straight up to the crumpled pile of travel cot, which we had left in the corner of the room. In three swift movements, he has it unfolded.)

Employee: “Ta-da!” *gives us a smug look at having assembled the cot so swiftly when we apparently could not*

Me: *holding out the broken cot leg* “Okay, and what about this?”

(The employee looked at the leg, then at the cot, and his face fell. He took the leg and started to drag the fully-assembled broken cot out of the room, shaking his head and saying, “Oh la-la, oh la-la,” over and over again. Five minutes later, a new cot was delivered by a different employee. I guess the receptionist didn’t quite understand when we said our cot was broken, not that we didn’t know how to put it up.)

That’s Not Your Call To Make

, , , , , | Learning | June 10, 2018

(I’m fairly new to my post as a receptionist, but the student in this story sees me every day. He’s leaving at the same time as I am, and is chatting away as we leave. He’s 12.)

Student: “Which way do you go, Miss?”

Me: “I’m going this way to go to [Station].”

Student: “Let me show you a faster way.”

(My train is 20 minutes away, but I’m always up for learning a little more of the area.)

Me: “All right, then.”

(We start off, chatting away, when…)

Student: “I need to call Nan and say I’m on my way.”

Me: “Okay.”

Student: “Do you need to phone your Mum or Dad?”

(I can’t help it; I burst out laughing.)

Student: “Oh, no! I’m usually walking home with another student!”

Me: “I moved out years ago, [Student]. Plus, I’m nearly thirty.”

(The shortcut might not be so — I actually arrived two minutes later than usual — but it was a nice chat.)

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