It Wasn’t The Summer Of Punctuality

, , , , , | Friendly | November 10, 2017

(Mendocino County, California, is where all the hippies moved after the Summer of Love, and it is a very laid-back place. I am sitting in a restaurant and hear the woman in the next booth talking on her cell phone:)

Woman: “Okay, so I’ll see you there in an hour. Is that standard time or Mendocino time? Mendocino time? Okay, an hour and twenty minutes.”

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Collared Into A Conversation About Football

, , , , | Learning | November 10, 2017

(In anatomy and physiology lab we are learning about the skeletal structure.)

Professor: “And this is the collar bone. Which quarterback broke his this past weekend?”

Me: “Aaron Rodgers.”

Professor: “Yeah, so, basically, the Packers are screwed for the season.”

(The professor then goes on a rant about why Rodgers is out for the season, and about recovery of collar bone breaks.)

Professor: “You know, since the Packers’ season is over, we should be, too. Class dismissed.”

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In Decreasing Order Of Preference

, , , | Related | November 9, 2017

(My dad is driving me home and is forced to screech to a stop when a woman opens her car door into his lane.)

Dad: “What an idiot! I could have hit her if I hadn’t braked in time!”

Me: “Yeah!”

Dad: “She could have died!”

Me: “Yeah!”

Dad: “She could be spattered all over the road right now!”

Me: *pause* “Yeah.”

Dad: “She could have made me late to my meeting!”

Me: *dies laughing*

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The Leather Gloves Are Off

, , , , | Right | November 9, 2017

(A polite old lady enters the shop:)

Customer: “Hello there, dear. I was wondering if you have any gloves?”

Me: “Hello. Yes, all the gloves we have are just here.” *shows them*

Customer: “Oh… I was hoping to find some nice leather ones. Oh well, hopefully some old biddy like me will die soon and I can come back and get her gloves, then!”

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For An Hour You Were Cat-atonic

, , , , , , , | Related | November 9, 2017

My family knows me to be absolutely in love with cats. One day, my mom asked me to take out the trash and I was stopped by our cat.

My mom came out later to inform me that I was out there for an entire hour, cooing over a cat.

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