(I’m sitting in the kitchen with my parents. My dad just recently made a Facebook account.)
Dad: “Will you marry me?”
Mom: “What?”
Dad: “On Facebook! Will you marry me?”
Mom: “Twenty-five years of marriage, and it doesn’t count for anything unless we’re Facebook official?”
Dad: “Yes!”
Mom: “Well… I’ll have to think about it.”
(They never became “Facebook official.”)
(I work at a company as a photographer. Recently, my boss suggested getting the watermark always used on our images changed, so I got a new watermark from our graphic designer and starting using it. Several weeks later, I am chatting with my boss.)
Boss: *while scrolling through images* “That watermark looks so much nicer than the old one!”
Me: “I agree!”
Boss: “Good job suggesting that.”
Me: “Um… That was actually your idea.”
Boss: “Oh?”
Me: *laughing* “So, good job!”
Boss: “Thanks! I just wanted to be complimented.”
Me: “Slightly backhanded, but hey, it worked!”
(I work at a hotel where we take third-party online reservations. Every now and again, reservations will come in that have requests attached, but we can’t always view the whole request, because of miscommunications between the third-party system and the hotel’s system.)
Guest: “We did put in a request for a baby crib, if you have one, but we figured the message didn’t go through.”
(I check, and start laughing.)
Me: *between laughs* “It did… It just got cut off, so it says, ‘Could you please provide us with a baby.’”
(The guest chuckles.)
Guest: “We already have two; we don’t need any more.”
Me: “I will go get you that crib.”
Guest: “Hopefully without a baby in it!”
(While walking down an aisle in a supermarket, I come upon a bedraggled-looking mom who is trying — but failing — to quiet her four-year-old in the middle of a loud and teary, “BUT I WANT IT!” tantrum. I impulsively decide to lend the mother an assist. As I pass by, I bend down so that the kid and I are face-to face, and with my most sincere-and-saddened voice and expression, I solemnly confide to her:)
Me: “You know, when I cry, my parents never buy me what I want.”
(The girl’s eyes immediately shoot wide open and she goes dead silent in mid-scream. I’m not sure if it is due to finding out that she is not, in fact, invisible, or just the idea of a sixty-year-old man crying because his parents won’t buy him something. As I continue down the aisle, I am concerned at first that the mother might not approve of my intervention, but I am reassured when a few seconds later, I hear the mother announcing to her daughter:)
Mother: “YUH SEE?“
(We’re in a class at university which is one of my favourites. We are learning about the history of animal welfare and historical arguments over sentience, such as if animals can really feel pain. It’s fascinating. Not long into the lecture, the door opens and a girl comes in whom I don’t recognise. She sits down and stays in the class for at least half an hour, until the lecturer asks her a question.)
Girl: “Sorry, I honestly don’t know. I’m in the wrong room, but it looked interesting, so I decided to stay. I need to go find my actual class.”
