(I am the customer in this story. I decide to get some snacks after getting gas. I walk into the convenience store, where I see a sign that says, “Now hiring happy people!” I walk up to the counter after selecting my items.)

Me: “I’m just waiting for the lawsuit for discrimination because you only hire happy people.”

Employee: “Yeah, discrimination against sad people.”

Me: “I should start a business where I only hire sad people.”

Employee: “I wonder what kind of business that would be.”

Me: *after thinking a second* “Political!”

(The employee cracks up, and so does customer behind me.)

Customer: “Well, at least they can’t tax humor!”

Me: “They can try!”

(Another cashier has just come to my register to relieve me. The next customer, who is an attractive, older woman, looks up and notices the switch. She is confused.)

Me: *talking to the customer while walking away* “Oh, I’m so sorry, ma’am. You were so close to having the cute cashier.”

(She laughs and rolls her eyes.)

Other Cashier: “Don’t worry; he doesn’t have a personality. You can thank me later.”

(The customer laughed out loud. I blushed and quickly went to clock out. My ego still hurts.)

When I was still in middle school, my mother worked as a principal for an elementary school. When she was employed there, the school used a bus company called “The Little Britches Buses” for the kindergartners to pick them up and drop them off from school, as well as to take them on field trips.

One day, due to a scheduling error the buses ended up running very late, so, as the principal, my mother had to send out an email notifying all the kindergarten teachers of this occurrence. The computer in my mother’s office was a pretty old model, and some of the keys were a bit sticky, especially the R key.  

She was kind of in a rush to get those emails out, so she didn’t notice her mistake until it was too late, and ended up sending an email that read:

“The Little B****es Buses are going to be late today.”

Thankfully, all the teachers either understood her mistake or were laughing too hard for her to get in any trouble.

It’s my wedding day, and I made it very clear there is no dress code. I know that everyone will always dress up for a wedding, and I don’t want people to spend a lot of money for just one day. As long as it’s neat, I don’t care if it’s worn 100 times before, or brand new. My husband 100% agrees.

My father doesn’t know what to do with the dress code. He’s used to coming in a suit, fancy shoes… pretty much black tie. I tell him over and over again I don’t care if he wears jeans and a shirt, which he normally does; his presence is most important — plus, he got a wedding-license-for-a-day, so he can wed us, which is a dream of his.

The day itself is quite hot, so my dad has to change plans on the day itself. A suit is going to be impossible. He looks for a neat pair of pants in his closet and a button-down shirt. Still, he insists on wearing his fancy shoes, but he doesn’t want to get them dirty, deciding to go in worn-out shoes and put the fancy ones on at the castle where we’ll wed.

When he arrives at the castle, he puts on a shoe… and pushes the sole out! His fancy shoes are now in two parts — they were fancy for multiple years, so they are quite old. My dad starts to panic; he can’t go to his daughter’s wedding in the worn-out shoes!

He suddenly remembers his hiking shoes are in the back of the car. He takes a brush, used to clean the dogs after a visit to the beach, and cleans them the best way he can. The time is then up and he has to start the ceremony.

Nobody noticed my dad’s drama, but I’ll always remember this as the day fate told him to forget the black tie and just go as he truly was!

(I work at a small museum in a tower. Visitors have to hike about a mile to the building, and then if they want to go to the top of the building, it’s another ten staircases up. One hot day, a group of five people walk in. One visitor is playing “Eye of the Tiger” loudly on his phone.)

Musical Visitor: “PHEW! We made it! Now who’s pumped for the top of the tower?”

Visitor #1: “Oh, my God. Can you turn the music off now?”

Musical Visitor: “Nope! Got to get pumped!” *sees me laughing* “See? She likes it!”

Me: “Yeah, I like it. You’ve got a lot of steps to go now, so you could use the excitement.”

Musical Visitor: “Okay, let’s go!”

(He starts jogging up the steps. Another person in his group, a young woman, pauses at my chair, shaking her head.)

Visitor #2: “You can make fun of him when he leaves; we won’t mind.”