(My husband and I are similar in appearance, and regularly visit a 24-hour cafe with friends. On a trip where it’s only the two of us, a waitress we know fairly well approaches us.)

Waitress: “Okay, I need to know. You’re always in together but always pay separately. Are you married, or brother and sister?”

Husband: “Married.”

(She promptly does a 180 and starts yelling at another employee.)

Waitress: “I TOLD YOU SO! I KNEW IT! I WIN!”

(Apparently there had been a bet going on. We both cracked up over it and I gave her a larger tip than usual.)

(Earlier, I had to take the vacuum outside to clean my bath mat, which had kitty litter spilled all over it. A few hours later, my very stoic dad asks me about it.)

Dad: “Why is the vacuum outside?”

Me: *suddenly realizing I forgot to put it away* “Uh… It was being bad.”

(Dad had no reaction, but Mom heard from the other room and laughed.)

(I am at camp. Everyone has turned in for the night. I’m up a little late trying to finish a journal entry while my friend and tentmate is lying in the cot next to me.)

Friend: “Hey, [My Name].”

Me: “Yeah, what’s up?”

Friend: “Can you eat the car inside the duck?”

Me: “What?!”

Friend: “A cat is purple in my socks.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Friend: “Of course, you can be a dark in the patio.”

(It’s at this point that I remembered that he has a tendency to talk in his sleep.)

(Overheard at a playground…)

Mother: “Are your children wearing traditional Japanese kimonos?”

Japanese Mother: “No, they’re Star Wars costumes.”

(I’m the customer in this situation, and have just pulled up to the order box at an ice cream and burger joint.)

Employee: “Hi! Thank you for choosing [Store]. What can I get started for you today?”

Me: “Hi! May I please have a grande M&M [Shake] with extra M&Ms?”

Employee: “I’m terribly sorry; what size did you say?”

Me: “A grande! And may I please have it in a venti cup so I don’t spill ice cream over the side?”

Employee: “I can put a medium [Shake] into a large cup for you, if that’s okay?”

Me: *light clicks on upstairs* “I just ordered in [Coffee Shop] lingo, didn’t I?”

Employee: *laughing* “Yes, ma’am, you did!”

Me: *at the window* “May I share with you why I ordered incorrectly?”

(The order-taker nods, and I hold up my work hat and apron, both in [Coffee Shop]’s signature color and emblazoned with our logo.)

Me: “I just got off work. I’ve been repeating back orders as grande and venti all day!”

Employee: *laughing, to her coworker* “Hey, go ahead and throw an extra-extra scoop of M&Ms in that [Shake]; she’s been slingin’ coffee all day!”

(Thank you, kind person, for being patient with me, and for giving me more chocolate. One can never have enough chocolate.)