(My husband and I are in a heated argument.)
Me: *at a volume of 11* “You are so inconsiderate. Acknowledge my feelings. You’re acting like an a**hole.”
Husband: “You know, one time I removed a pair of mating snakes from under the deck because I knew it would freak you out. That was pretty considerate of me.”
Me: “Really? Well, that was nice of you. Poor snakes, breaking up their sexy party.”
(We both laughed and that was that.)
(I like photography, and I show my sister a pretty good photo I took and edited.)
Sister: “Wow.”
Sister: *slightly more amazed* “Wow.”
Sister: *very amazed* “Wow!”
Me: *pouting* “One more wow?”
Sister: *monotone* “Wow.”
(It’s Halloween night. I live in college residence, so a lot of people are trick-or-treating with their neighbours, and milling around to check out each other’s costumes and decorations. I bump into one of my roommate’s friends. She’s dressed a bit punk or goth, but not as a costume.)
Roommate’s Friend: *joking* “I’m dressed as a serial killer.”
Me: *looking at her outfit* “No, you’re dressed as Lisbeth Salander!”
(Lisbeth Salander is the protagonist of the Millennium trilogy, most famously “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”)
Roommate’s Friend: “Yeah! Wait… How did you… Have you been stalking my Twitter?”
Me: *confused* “No?”
Roommate’s Friend: “Then… How did you know I… said that I…”
Me: “I didn’t…”
Roommate’s Friend: “Then how did you know I look like Lisbeth Salander?”
Me: “Because I’ve read the book and seen the movie?”
Roommate’s Friend: “Oh! I thought you were stalking my Twitter, because I literally just posted, ‘If anyone asks, I’m dressed as Lisbeth Salander.'”
I have recently moved to a new city. I go to the closest library to get a register and get a card. I am shown to a computer stall to fill out the forms electronically, before returning to the desk.
At the desk, two middle-aged, female librarians are waiting for me. One of them stands up and sternly tells me I must now make a very difficult decision, one which will affect my experiences at this library for the rest of my life.
She then holds up two cards: one that is purple with the name of the city and library printed in business script, one with the characters from Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are. Her coworker then gravely adds, “Choose wisely.”
I agonize over the decision, but eventually choose Where the Wild Things Are, thereby forever cementing my path. The two librarians nod their heads in sage approval.
The first librarian activates my card and I immediately check out five books.
I can’t wait to go back and see them again!
(Every morning I have a regular couple. They always order the same thing, so today I decide to try an upsell.)
Me: “Good morning, Mr. H. Is it the usual today?”
Mr. H: “Yes, please, [My Name].”
Me: “Can I tempt you to anything to nibble on this morning? We have some lovely croissants.”
Mr. H: “Oh, no, thank you. I’ll just wait for Mrs H to get back and I’ll nibble on her.”
