(Our crew is doing the finicky task of sticking plant cuttings in soil. [Coworker #1] drops one, leans down to pick it up, and bumps his head on the table.)
Coworker #2: “Do you remember your name?”
Coworker #1: “Why, I’m Othar Tryggvassen, gentleman adventurer!”
(I am an American living in Mexico in the 90s. I’m ice skating with my girlfriend when “The Time Warp” comes on the PA.)
Me: “Oh, this is from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
Girlfriend: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s an American movie about a transvestite scientist who creates a Frankenstein-like man to be their personal sex slave. But it turns out the doctor is an alien. In the US they have midnight showings of the movie, where the men wear women’s underwear and people say all these crazy quotes and throw things at the screen.”
Girlfriend: “I see.”
(It was then that I learned there are some concepts that simply do not transcend cultures.)
This story is part of our Scary Movies roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Times Customers Were So Bad You Could Make A Movie About It
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(This happens to my dad when he is going back to nursing school in his sixties — a story in itself! One time a senior nursing instructor visits the class to give a “very important” presentation. This happens in the late 2000s, and both bird flu and swine flu are of major concern at the time as potential pandemics.)
Senior Instructor: *solemnly, and with a completely straight face* “I need to teach you how to recognize the difference between swine flu and bird flu. If it’s bird flu, you need a tweetment. If it’s swine flu, you need an oinkment!”
(The entire class just about busted a gut laughing. My dad said in his entire time in nursing school, this particular instructor was always taciturn and businesslike and NEVER showed this sort of levity, except on this one remarkable occasion.)
(Earlier in the day I watched a popular de-cluttering television show. Now, I am attempting to cook in my mother-in-law’s kitchen and failing miserably because I can’t find anything.)
Me: “Arrrgh!”
Husband: “Hun? What’s wrong?”
Me: “Your mom has so much junk in these drawers that I can’t even open them!”
Husband: “I know, and you know, she blames it on the grandkids!”
Me: “Seriously?! Who needs this many sets of tongs?!”
Husband: “Yeah…”
Me: “That’s it. I’m going to sit your mom down and make her hold each pair of tongs and tell me which ones bring her joy!”
(A customer asks me where the bags of potatoes are located, so I show him.)
Customer: “Ah, here they are.”
Me: *gets him a bag* “Here you are.”
Customer: “Is that price right? Buy-one-get-one?”
Me: “Yes. It rings up at half-price.”
Customer: “But it’s buy-one-get-one, right?”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
Customer: “So I can get two for the price of one?”
Me: *confused pause* “Would you like another bag?”
Customer: “Wouldn’t you?”
Me: “Um…” *gets him a second bag*
Customer: “Who wouldn’t want two bags of potatoes?”
Me: “Well, if a customer had a smaller family, they might only want one bag at half-off…”
Customer: “If it’s buy-one-get-one, you should get two!”
(The customer left to get something else on sale. I didn’t dare tell him that I personally don’t like potatoes at all, so I wouldn’t even buy one bag.)
