Bouncing Through Alternative Names

, , , , , | Romantic | December 9, 2017

(My partner dislikes bras. We’re going off-roading.)

Partner: *sighs dramatically* “I have to wear the anti-boob-bouncing device.”

(I laughed.)

That Should Perk(ins) You Up A Little Bit

, , , , | Friendly | December 9, 2017

(I look similar to the comedian Sue Perkins to the point where random people I don’t know comment on it. I’ve found out that two-thirds of the employees of the company I work for, including me, are either going to be made redundant. As it’s early days, no one at the company knows what’s actually going to happen to us, including the people who have made this decision. My biggest issue with the entire situation is the fact I had just felt like I had gotten my life back on track after a nasty period of time, and that has been taken from me. I’ve been messaging a friend about it, when she decides to call me. We have a bit of a conversation when this happens:)

Friend: “Just remember, though, there is only one you in the world, and no one can replace you.”

Me: “Sue Perkins.”

Friend: *pause* “Well… That’s a pretty good replacement, to be fair.”

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days… We Think

, , , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

(As a call center, we work seven days a week. As a result, most people’s weekends aren’t Saturday and Sunday. Today, Tuesday, one of my coworkers says to another:)

Coworker #1: “Tomorrow is your Friday, isn’t it?”

Coworker #2: “No, it’s my Thursday.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, that’s right; it’s Wednesday!”

Performing An Amazing Feet

, , , , | Learning | December 8, 2017

(I teach swimming lessons. Today I’m one-on-one with a girl who is about eight years old. I am currently introducing her the dolphin kick — kicking with both feet together — when she suddenly switches back to the kick she is used to, mid-lap.)

Me: “That looked great at the start, but how come you stopped the dolphin kick in the middle there?”

Student: *shrugs*

Me: “When we’re doing dolphin kick or breaststroke or whatever, you have to do it all the way through.”

Student: *with complete seriousness* “My feet live their own life!”

Me: *after busting out in laughter* “Your brain gives the orders, hun! Make them respect the chain of command!”

Kalamazoo Versus Vindaloo

, , , , , , | Related | December 8, 2017

(I’m driving around on some errands with my boyfriend in the passenger seat next to me and my mom in the backseat. My mom has a tendency to say random things that she notices, out loud. My boyfriend is a bit of a jokester; usually I roll my eyes and call him a dork, but this particular day I’m more energetic than usual.)

Mom: “Huh, they tore down that building. Wonder why.”

Boyfriend: “They’re putting in a Kalamazoo.”

Mom: “A what?”

Boyfriend: “A Kalamazoo!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a restaurant.”

Mom: “Oh. Haven’t heard of it. I wonder what type of food they’ll serve.”

Me: “It’s an Indian place.”

Mom: “Cool. We’ll have to try it when they’re done.”

(By this point my boyfriend and I couldn’t hold in our laughter and Mom realized we were messing with her. She started laughing, too, and called us brats.)

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