Shooting For Something Useful

, , , | Learning | October 16, 2018

(Four older students have come to give a presentation to my class of freshmen. Our professor is supervising.)

Professor: “All right, teach them something useful. Teach them how to manage their hangovers!”

Professor: “I’m kidding.”

Professor: *in a stage whisper* “Manage. Your. Shots.”

That’s The Battle She Has Chosen For Today

, , , , , , | Related | October 16, 2018

(When I am a teenager, my mum takes me clothes shopping in the local mall. I find a top that I like and go to pay for it.)

Mum: *spotting the manufacturer’s label on the top* “Oh, my God!

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Mum: “There’s a typo in that label!”

Me: “Typo?”

(I read the label, which looks just like any other manufacturer’s name to me.)

Mum: “Yes! It’s a reference to [obscure centuries-old British folk song], but there should be an apostrophe.”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I hand the top to the cashier.)

Mum: *to the cashier* “Doesn’t this store know anything? That label has a typo!

Cashier: “…”

Me: “Mum, she doesn’t care—”

Mum:Well, she should! Hasn’t she heard of [obscure centuries-old British folk song]?”

Me:Of course she hasn’t! And even if she has, she won’t care! No one cares! And even if she did care, what do you think she could do about it?”

Mum: “Hmph.”

(The cashier looked grateful. I love my mum, but she picks the weirdest things to get upset about.)

The Directions Require The Direct Approach

, , , , , | Related | October 16, 2018

(My mother and I are driving home from another state. The GPS worked wonderfully on the drive there, but is refusing to actually start navigating home. After the third try at talking the phone into giving directions, my mom picks up her phone to do it manually.)

Mom: *under her breath* “Moronic piece of s***.”

Phone: *cheerfully* “I hear you!”

Shake Your Fist At Them

, , , , | Healthy | October 16, 2018

(I’m chatting with a customer and it comes up that her entire arm, from the elbow down, was badly broken in a car accident. She is only just starting to get enough control of her hand to limply hold a pen. The conversation, of course, drifts to her physical therapy, and she talks about her progress as I encourage her.)

Me: *single fist-pump* “You can do it!”

Woman: *laughing* “No, I can’t! That’s the problem!”

Me: *single fist-pump* “You’ll eventually be able to do it!”

(We chatted for another minute or so before she left. I hope she recovers quickly, or, at the very least, is able to keep smiling as she goes!)

Not A Regular Problem

, , , , , | Right | October 15, 2018

(There’s been a regular that we’ve had coming for years now, and all of the staff knows him. We look forward to him coming, and he’s gotten our personalities down pat. This is going on before he enters the store.)

Customer #1: “Can I get a refill, please?”

Me: “Of course!”

([Customer #1] and [Customer #2] hand me their drinks, and I’m filling them as the regular customer comes into the store.)

Me: *yells out in a joking tone* “You know you’re not allowed in here!”

Regular Customer: “How many energy drinks have you had already today?! And how’s your ankle feeling?”

Me: *as I’m walking to the table* “It’s getting better!”

(Another regular walks in. I yell out the other regular’s name and ask her how she is today; she smiles and answers back as she heads to the restroom. I hand [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] their refills.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you?”

Customer #1: “No, but I have a question: are you going to remember my name every time I come back?”

Me: *laughing* “Only if you come back every week!”

Customer #1: “I’ll come back every other week, then!”

(I didn’t know how to answer that, and thankfully [Regular #2] walked out of the bathroom just then. I had her rung up and had her sides and drink ready before she even sat down. [Regular #2] loves this and is always happy with the service we provide. The whole time during this, [Customer #1] and his companion were just staring at me, and when I walked into the back I heard [Regular #2] laugh at something and say, “No, I love it! I wouldn’t know my own order if [My Name] didn’t take me.” Thankfully, that table left before they experienced four more regulars walking in right after.)

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