Your Music Taste Towers Above The Rest

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(I work at a small museum in a tower. Visitors have to hike about a mile to the building, and then if they want to go to the top of the building, it’s another ten staircases up. One hot day, a group of five people walk in. One visitor is playing “Eye of the Tiger” loudly on his phone.)

Musical Visitor: “PHEW! We made it! Now who’s pumped for the top of the tower?”

Visitor #1: “Oh, my God. Can you turn the music off now?”

Musical Visitor: “Nope! Got to get pumped!” *sees me laughing* “See? She likes it!”

Me: “Yeah, I like it. You’ve got a lot of steps to go now, so you could use the excitement.”

Musical Visitor: “Okay, let’s go!”

(He starts jogging up the steps. Another person in his group, a young woman, pauses at my chair, shaking her head.)

Visitor #2: “You can make fun of him when he leaves; we won’t mind.”

Beginning To Hate That Friday Feeling

, , , , | Working | August 12, 2018

One of my veteran coworkers would jokingly ask the office manager every week about implementing “2:30 Fridays” so that we would have a few extra weekend hours. This became a running joke in the office.

The office manager announced that he was leaving the company, and not long after he left, the veteran coworker was promoted to the new office manager. Now nearly every worker is asking her when she is going to start her “2:30 Fridays” policy. She now regrets making that joke.

There’s Norway That’s True

, , , | Related | August 11, 2018

(We live in Scandinavia, and my mother is really into researching our family tree; she’s quite passionate about our pretty mundane family history. Eventually, she gets curious about our genetic background and sends her DNA to one of those companies that checks which part of the world where your ancestors were likely from.)

Mother: “Isn’t it exciting? We could have roots in Estonia, France, or Germany! Maybe we even hail from England! Could you imagine?”

(This goes on for a week at the minimum. Every chance she gets, she brings it up to close family and friends. Eventually, the day arrives with the result. She logs into the company website with her code to view the result:)

Result: “100% Scandinavia.”

(It’s been years since I’ve seen her that frustrated.)

It All Turned Out Shiny

, , , , , | Related | August 10, 2018

(We are returning to our home town after my nan’s funeral. My dad stays in her home state for a couple more days, while Mum, my brother, his girlfriend, and I are travelling together. On the second leg of our journey, we have stopped for a morning coffee in a rural town. My brother takes the opportunity to wander around, playing “Pokemon Go” and seeing what he can find. The rest of us are done fairly quickly, and I’ll be honest, I’m not really that patient; he has kept us waiting a fair while.)

Mum: “Can you please tell [Brother] to hurry up? We’re ready to go.”

(He’s over the other side of the road, lost in his phone; I call out.)

Me: *kind of grumpy, and using my usual sarcastic term for when he annoys me* “Hey, Wonder Boy! We’re ready to go!”

(After a delay, he wanders over, a smile on his face.)

Brother: “Sorry about that. I just had to make sure I caught this.”

(He shows me his phone; I begin to laugh and smile.)

Me: “That was not worth holding us up for!”

Brother: *also smiling* “Yeah, I knew you’d have that reaction.”

(The Pokemon he’d caught? A shiny Luvdisc. For those not in the know, Luvdisc is a Water-type Pokemon, vaguely based on a fish, shaped like a heart turned on its side. It’s a pretty underwhelming Pokemon in the main series games. It’s worth noting, though, that Luvdisc’s alternate, aka “shiny” colouring, is gold; basically, it is a heart of gold. And that sums up my brother. He’s a bit disorganised when he’s not at work or involved in his hobbies, but he really is a kind and well-meaning person. I just have to laugh at his laconic approach sometimes, and it cheered me up after Nan’s funeral the previous day.)

Driving A Taxi Is A Joint Enterprise

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2018

(I’m the cab driver in this exchange. I have just picked up a well-dressed young man, actually only about seven years older than me, at the airport. He asks for a hotel downtown.)

Fare: “I’m a men’s clothing buyer for [Upscale Local Department Store].”

Me: “That must be interesting, with all the travel and such.”

(Small talk continues all the way downtown.)

Fare: “Could you turn the dome light on, please?

(It was a harmless enough request, so I obliged him. I heard him snap open his briefcase and the familiar sound of papers rustling. We arrived at his destination, and he mentioned that he travels on plastic, but he reached over the seat to give me a tip: A PERFECTLY ROLLED JOINT! I got off work at six am, and got off at home one hour later. You made my night and day, nice guy!)

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