Sinfully Delicious, Part 7

, , , | Right | July 1, 2020

We are required to offer confectionery to all our customers.

Me: “Can I also tempt you with any half-price sweets or chocolates?”

Customer: “Oooh, you’re always trying to tempt us! You’re worse than Satan!”

Me: “That’s a little unfair! I like to think we’re about level.”

Related:
Sinfully Delicious, Part 6
Sinfully Delicious, Part 5
Sinfully Delicious, Part 4
Sinfully Delicious, Part 3

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Everyone Is Awesome!

, , , , , , | Right | July 1, 2020

I’m working at the cash register when two men enter the store. One of the men wants to return a pair of faulty shoes, while his friend waits by his side.

Me: “All right, guys. Let me call my manager down and we’ll get this started for you.”

I call my manager down, since they have to verify the return. I’ve only worked at the store for nine months, so I don’t have the authority to run anything through on my own.

Me: “Okay, it’ll just be a second. We have to call the managers down to start this.”

Customer: “That’s fine.”

Me: *Jokingly* “I can’t do it because I’m not awesome enough to be a manager.”

Customer’s Friend: *Very serious* “Why would you say that?”

Me: *Laughing* “It’s fine, believe me. I’m okay.”

Customers’ Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself.”

My manager arrives and clears them for an exchange. They wander through the store for a bit and then come back to the registers to complete the transaction with my manager. I happen to finish with another customer at the same time. I turn around to watch the store for anyone needing help.

Customer’s Friend: “Hey!”

I turn to face him.

Me: “Yes?”

Customer’s Friend: “Don’t you do it. Don’t you say anything bad about yourself.”

I try to placate him.

Me: “All right. I am awesome, then.”

Customer’s Friend: “I have a friend who does that all the time. I get so angry at him. You should never self-defecate yourself.”

I blink for a second in shocked hilarity.

Me: “I won’t, sir, I promise.”

It took me a second to decipher what he meant from what he actually said. After he left the store, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate response than embarrassed laughter.

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Maybe Just Stick To Chicken Jokes

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

“Duck shoes” — leather upper, rubber sole — are popular. We only sell athletic shoes — Nike, Reebok, etc.

Girl: “Do you have duck shoes?”

Me: “No, their feet are too wide and we find it hard to fit them.”

Girl: “Okay.” *Walks away obliviously*

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Not Exactly Fall-Down-Laughing Delivery

, , , , , | Working | June 30, 2020

I’ve always had a reputation for being a joker; I love to make people laugh, and because of that, I answer questions in unconventional ways.

I was working at a multi-level pharmacy with the restrooms in the basement. I was standing at the registers with a coworker who was sweet, but a little… dim.

A customer came up and asked where the restrooms were. I explained:

“They’re on the lower floor. Down the beer aisle is the stairs. Walk down that way and when you fall down, that means you’ve found them.”

My coworker thought it was pretty funny. Not hilarious, but it usually gets a chuckle. 

Ten minutes later, another customer asked my coworker where the bathrooms were.

“Walk over there and fall down.”

Cue headdesk.

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Do The Honeydew

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

I work at an Italian restaurant where we serve Italian sodas. One afternoon, I get a larger family group, and among them are a couple of kids no older than ten. We have a variety of flavors and one happens to be honeydew.

Kid: “What’s honeydew?”

Me: “It’s a melon.”

I explain how we actually make the soda. His honest and serious response is:

Kid: “Oh. I thought you took, like, honey and added Mountain Dew or something.”

I couldn’t help but just smile and walk away. That interaction made my entire day.

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