Shouldn’t Be The Walking Dead

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 19, 2018

(I’m in PE with my two friends and this exchange occurs:)

Friend #1: “I’m a walking corpse.”

Friend #2: *singing in a cheerful voice* “Badabap.”

Me: “Hey, we’re supposed to be running corpses!”

Friend #2: “Oopsie-daisy. At least [Coach] isn’t watching us right now…”

“The Story Of Tonight” Lasts A Little Longer

, , , , , | Working | January 19, 2018

Coworker: “Do you like musicals?”

Me: “I listened to nothing but Hamilton for eight months.”

Coworker: “Wow. Okay.”

We Need To Spell It Out For You

, , , , , | Related | January 19, 2018

(My brother is on his phone when our sister and I walk into the room.)

Brother: “Wow. I cannot spell today.”

Sister: *without missing a beat* “T-O-D-A-Y!”

(After a moment of silence we all burst out laughing.)

The Many Friendly Adventures Of The Lustful Lamia

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 19, 2018

(My sex drive is considerably higher than my boyfriend’s, which isn’t usually a problem, except occasionally when he’ll worry that he’s pressuring me into sex, which at least with me, is virtually never the case. We’re talking about this at one point.)

Me: “With me, you can basically assume that if you want sex, I’ll also be down for it, and on the one-in-a-thousand chance that I’m not, I’ll just let you know. I’m like a siren, except less likely to lure you in and drown you.”

Boyfriend: “Are sirens known for being lustful? I thought they were mostly about the drownings.”

Me: “Hmm. A succubus then? Or a lamia, except less likely to steal your body heat?”

Boyfriend: “Now that’s a total lie; you steal my body heat constantly! We go to sleep, and you’re like, ‘Mmmm, come here; you’re so warm,’ and then I feel your icy feet!'”

Me: “Okay, we’ve found it. I’m a lustful lamia, except more likely to annoy you with cold feet than to freeze you to death!”

(A year later, he still uses “lamia” as a pet name. It very much amuses me!)

Polite Metal

, , , , | Friendly | January 18, 2018

(This takes place at an outdoor heavy metal festival. One of the bands playing is from the partner town of the place where the festival is hosted.)

Singer: *in heavily accented English* “We are [Band], and we come from Poland. We do not speak German, and our English is not good, so our texts are in Polish. I hope you don’t mind that and enjoy our music.”

(The band started to play, and the singer launched into an absolutely unintelligible death metal growl that we wouldn’t have been able to understand in ANY language. My friend and I doubled over laughing.)

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