Your Loyalty Is Numbered

, , , | Romantic | March 11, 2018

(My boyfriend is shopping while I’m looking after the trolley filled with things from a previous shop. When he returns he is smirking.)

Boyfriend: “So, the girl behind the counter just asked for my number.”

(My eyebrows shoot up in surprise.)

Me: “Really?”

Boyfriend: “Yep.”

(He throws something down on the table.)

Boyfriend: “For a loyalty card.”

Me: “Wha… oh. Oh!”

Boyfriend: *laughs at my expression*

1 Thumbs
284

You’d Be Barking Mad Not To

, , , , , | Learning | March 11, 2018

(In my study hall class, there’s this one girl who is know for being rather disruptive.)

Girl: “Hey, Mr. Teacher, can I play this video for [Classmate]?”

Teacher: “No. Do your work, please.”

Girl: “But it’s ten seconds long and has a dog in it!”

Teacher: “So, it’s not important?”

Friend: “Did you just say dogs aren’t important?!”

Teacher: “Good point; you can play it.”

1 Thumbs
295

Super-Starving For Attention

, , , , | Working | March 9, 2018

(I’m a woman in electronic manufacturing, working with almost all men, and we share a pretty relaxed environment. While working, I accidentally drop a metal piece with a loud clang.)

Coworker #1: “You okay over there?”

Me: “Oh, I’m fine. Thanks.”

Coworker #2: “Not feeling like you’re getting enough attention, or something?”

Me: *deadpan* “Nah, I’m wearing new earrings and felt like everyone should come look. I’m feeling pretty superstar.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, I understand. I feel that way when I’m wearing new earrings, too.”

Coworker #2: “I feel pretty superstar every time I wear pants out of the house!”

1 Thumbs
544

Your Humor Is Running At 100

, , , , | Working | March 9, 2018

(It’s my first day at a new job, and also the first time in my life I’m working as a cashier. All is going well so far, and the guy training me is great, but I often check in with him because I have no idea about the store policies yet. A customer comes to my till and wants to pay for his purchase —  about 5 Euros — with a 100 Euro bill.)

Me: “[Colleague], we do take 100 Euro notes, right?”

Colleague: *very matter-of-fact* “If it looks well-made enough, sure.”

(He comes over to show me how to check if the bill is genuine, which it is. He then turns to the customer:)

Colleague: “And may I congratulate you on your workmanship. It looks just like the real thing.”

(Thankfully, the customer found it hilarious and laughed through the rest of the transaction.)

1 Thumbs
484

Nerfed That Meeting

, , , , , , | Working | March 9, 2018

(The programs department at our library likes to have us employees “test” new activities before they put them in place for the general public. One morning before we open, they hand out Nerf guns and declare that we’ll be having a “Nerf War.” Soon, every employee is running around, hiding behind bookshelves, and cackling like mad as they fire foam projectiles at each other. In the midst of all this, the phone rings, and I hold up a sheet of white copy paper as a “flag of truce” while I run to the phone and pick it up.)

Me: “Community Library. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Speaker: “Hi, this is [Administrator]’s husband. Can I talk to her?”

Me: “Of course.” *winces as someone shrieks in the background* “Can you hold, please?”

(I run back out under my makeshift “flag of truce,” and tell the administrator her husband is on the phone. She shifts her Nerf gun to one hand and grabs the phone with the other.)

Administrator: “Hello? Hey, hun… No, I haven’t had a chance; I’ve been in meetings all morning. Okay, talk to you later. Bye.” *hangs up*

Me: *eyes her Nerf gun* “Meetings all morning, huh?”

Administrator: “Yup. *runs out to re-join the Nerf war*

(Whoever said librarians are a boring lot has never actually worked with them.)

1 Thumbs
823