Being A Boob About the Man-nequin

, , , , , | Working | February 17, 2018

(My coworker and I are dressing mannequins. They are fairly new, so this is the first time either of us has seen them undressed. The mannequins are female.)

Coworker: “Whoa, look at the package on this one!” *there’s a prominent bulge in the pubic region* “Isn’t it supposed to be female?”

Me: “It’s got boobs.”

Coworker: *taps a boob* “I know, but they don’t feel real to me.”

Sick Of Your Compliments

, , , , , | Romantic | February 17, 2018

(My husband has been sick with a fever for a few days, and I have spent the weekend taking care of him. On the second morning, I feel his forehead.)

Me: *encouragingly* “You’re not as hot as you were yesterday!”

Husband: “Give me a break! Lots of people aren’t as attractive when they’re sick.”

(Nothing wrong with his sense of humor!)

“Lovely” Left For Lunch, Link Up Later

, , , , , , | Working | February 17, 2018

(I am essentially the backup receptionist at my office, meaning that I take my work down to the reception desk and answer the company phone when the regular receptionist takes her lunch. Today, I get a rather interesting phone call. According to caller ID, the caller is a regular customer.)

Me: *picking up the phone* “Good afternoon, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Hello, lovely! How are you today?”

Me: *incredibly weirded out* “Um… Good. How are you?”

Caller: “Oh! Wrong lovely! Can you transfer me to [Coworker], please?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Not that you’re not lovely! I just… I should stop talking now.”

Me: *laughs* “One moment.” *I transfer him*

(I asked the receptionist later, and she said that that customer usually addresses her as “lovely.”)

Smartypants Comments

, , , , , | Learning | February 17, 2018

(Since year three, we’ve had the same ICT teacher. She’s one of those people who you can’t imagine ever swearing. One day, in year six, it’s near the end of term, and our ICT lesson is pretty relaxed. This leads to some interesting and very memorable quotes.)

Teacher: “The most interesting thing that happened in my village was when somebody stole a fence.”

(Also:)

Teacher: “He was so stupid that somebody robbed him twice.”

(This one will never leave my mind. [Friend] is notorious for being very disruptive.)

Friend: *disrupting class*

Teacher: “[Friend], sit down and stop being such a smarta— Uh… –ypants.”

This Marriage Is Not Dead

, , , , , | Romantic | February 16, 2018

(I’m listening to a movie as I’m sewing. Right as a creature in the movie lets out a blood-curdling scream, I get a video call from my husband. I answer and tell him to hang on a second while I find the remote so that I can turn off the movie. After I’ve turned off the movie, I hold up the phone to apologize and notice my husband’s horrified expression.)

Me: *sheepishly* “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you! The remote was on the other side of the room.”

Husband: *wide-eyed* “What was that god-awful sound?”

Me: “It was one of the creatures on Evil Dead II. I figured since [Son] is asleep I’d watch something that wasn’t a kids’ movie or show.”

Husband: *visibly relieved* “Oh, good. For a minute there, I thought I called you while you were in the middle of murdering someone!” *pause* “For the record, if you had been, I’d have just hung up and called back when it was more convenient.”

Me: *laughs* “You wouldn’t have tried to contact the proper authorities?”

Husband: *scoffs* “No. But I might have given you a few suggestions of who to off next.”