You’re Doing Your Job Out Of The Gate

, , , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2018

(I am the receptionist of my office. I have a button that opens the inner door to our office. When someone walks through the front door, I greet them, and then ask their name and who they are here to see. I then call the person they are looking for, and either let the person come through the inner door, or escort them to the office of the person expecting them. I do this with everyone, no exception, even if I’m familiar with the face or name of the person. This afternoon, a man walks in and starts to open the inner door, only to discover he can’t. I greet him, and ask for his name and who he’s looking for. He says something close to the name of the office director, and when I ask his name again he looks at me:)

Director: “I’m [Director], the new director of this entire department.”

(I get up and personally open the door for him. I then introduce him to my support staff coworkers. He says something about making changes, and that’s when I say:)

Me: “By adding a bounce house?!”

(My coworker tries to shush me by waving her arms.)

Coworker: “No! No! Don’t say that!”

Director: *laughs* “I’ll even throw in a water slide, and donuts!”

(I take him to my boss’s office and go back to my desk. Half an hour later they both come back around.)

Boss: “…and you know [My Name]. She let you in.”

Director: “Yes, and she almost didn’t let me in.”

(My boss looks at me questioningly.)

Me: “He wouldn’t tell me who he was.”

(The director smiles, laughs, and then leaves. My boss tells me the director was impressed that I didn’t let him in right away without asking his name, who he was, and to whom he wished to speak.)

Boss: “He won’t forget you now. You’re a very responsible gatekeeper.”

(The next morning the director personally brought a box of donuts for my office!)

What The Beep Is This?!

, , , , | Related | February 13, 2018

(Back in the mid-90s, my father discovered the joys of collect calling. Sadly, he is also very impatient and easily distracted, leading to several people and companies receiving calls like this:)

Recording: “You have a collect call from… uuuugh…”

Recording: “You have a collect call from…” *Dad trying to quiet my baby sister* “Shhh… Quiet, baby.”

Recording: “You have a collect call from… I’m waiting for the beep; I don’t hear a beep!”

(Surprisingly, all these calls were somehow accepted.)

Fried Oreos Are Actually Awesome

, , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(I’m the customer in this instance. I’m at a fast food place. A worker introduces herself and does the greeting spiel.)

Me: “Hi, [Worker]. I’ll have the [small burger] meal and two Oreo fries.”

Worker: “A [small burger] meal and… sorry? What?”

Me: “Two Oreo fries, please.”

Worker: “…”

Me: *after a long pause* “SHAKE! SHAKE! TWO OREO SHAKES! GOD, I’M SO SORRY!”

Worker: “Oh, that’s easier. I wasn’t sure we had those.”

Me: “That would have been difficult to put into your registers.”

Worker: “Okay, so, a [small burger] meal and two Oreo shakes. We’ll have your total at the window.”

(I’m pretty sure she then flees her station to laugh hysterically, because there is a guy at the window with a headset on, taking orders, instead of a woman, by the time I get there.)

Me: “Please tell [Worker] that the Oreo fries were delicious.”

Dealership Slip

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(For about a month, I have been getting calls from some random guy looking for a local car dealership. Whether I am at home, in class, at work, or out with friends, he keeps trying. My cellphone number is exactly the same as theirs apart from the last number, and this guy always dials mine. One day, he calls again. I immediately recognize the number and decide to have some fun because I am so fed up with it.)

Me: “[Car Dealership]. This is Frank. How can I help you?”

Guy: “Finally! I’ve been trying to reach you guys forever, but I kept getting some kid.”

Me: “Well, that’s unfortunate. What can I help you with?”

Guy: “I’m looking for [Car], but I’m not really sure what to get.”

Me: “Not a problem. I can talk you through our options and get you into something you like.”

Guy: “Great!”

(I proceed to go to the dealership’s website and go over every feature available. By the end of the call, I have “sold” him a car, with everything he wants, for a great price. And for the record, I NEVER take any money-related information from him.)

Me: “All right, sounds like you got a great car there.”

Guy: “Oh, my God! Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome. Just come on down to the dealership and ask for me, and we’ll get everything squared away.”

Guy: “Excellent! I’ll see you in about an hour. Bye!”

Me: “See ya!”

(I then immediately called my carrier and changed my number. I don’t know what happened to him, but I imagine he was quite embarrassed when he arrived.)

X Box Z Five, Coming Soon!

, , , , | Learning | February 13, 2018

(My mom is a teacher at an elementary school. The kids there are rather… interesting. This is an exchange between two students, one of whom is a huge showoff. They are discussing what they’ll be getting for Christmas.)

Kid #1: “Santa is getting me an Xbox One X!”

Kid #2: “Oh, yeah? Well, Santa is getting me an Xbox Y Four!”

Mom: “I don’t think that exists.”

Kid #2: “What would you know? You’re an adult! Adults don’t know video games!”

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