(My sister, her husband, and I have travelled to our hometown to spend Christmas with our parents. My parents are religious and go to church on Christmas Eve, but my sister, my brother-in-law, and I stay home.)

Sister: “Hey, do you want to go see [Movie] tonight?”

Me: “Yeah, sure.”

Sister: “Great, it’s at [time], at [Theatre near our house].”

Me: “Sounds good.”

(I get myself organized and call to them.)

Me: “Hey, I’m ready to go any time!”

Sister: “Great, have fun!”

Me: “You’re not coming?”

Sister: “No, um… [Brother-In-Law] doesn’t feel like going.”

(Slightly annoyed, but still wanting to see the movie, I go out. I text my friend in my city while waiting for the movie to start and tell him what happened. He replies:)

Friend: “Ha! I bet they wanted you out of the house at the same time as your parents so they could have sex!”

Me: *dawning comprehension* “G**D*** IT!”

Friend: “Merry Christmas!”

(My husband’s family does not believe in breastfeeding a baby beyond the first couple of weeks. I am determined to breastfeed for at least the first six months. We are visiting my husband’s parents and I have taken our one-month-old daughter into a bedroom to feed her. I hear my husband’s brother arrive and greet my husband.)

Brother: “Are you alone? Where’s [My Name]?”

Husband: “No, she’s in the bedroom, feeding [Daughter].”

Brother: *loudly* “Is she still feeding [Daughter]?”

Husband: “It’s not like [Daughter] can get her own food yet.”

Brother: “That’s not what I meant.”

Husband: “So, what exactly did you mean? That [My Name] has no right to feed her baby the most natural way there is?”

Brother: “Point taken.”

(That was the last time I heard anything more about my choice of feeding my children.)

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(I teach English in Japan. Near Halloween, we have special lessons teaching kids about the culture and words connected to Halloween. For this particular class, we have an assignment to draw a monster and write a paragraph to describe it, following a particular format. This student has a friendly rivalry with her brother.)

Sister: “This is my monster, Beroberobero [Brother] Zombie. He isn’t a candy. He is a zombie. He can everything lick. He can’t kill people.”

Brother: *in Japanese* “I can’t kill people? Being a zombie is no fun if you can’t kill people!”

Sister: “But you can lick things!”

This story is part of our Japan roundup!

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CONTENT WARNING: Child Assault

(I have been working at the county detention center. My youngest sister is constantly getting bullied — name-calling, mainly — on the school bus in the afternoon by the same group of kids, and despite my parents making several complaints to the school, it continues. Finally, one day, one of the boys goes too far, and actually tries to grope her. These kids are all eight to ten years old. I give her some advice from our detention officer certification course instructor.)

Me: “Listen carefully, [Sister]. If that boy tries to put his hands on you again, hit him.”

Sister: “But I’ll get in trouble.”

Me: “I don’t care; you hit him hard. Punch him! Scratch him! Kick him! If you get in trouble, I will leave work and yell at your principal for not stopping this sooner.”

(The remainder of the afternoon is spent teaching her a few strikes and nerve points our instructor taught us. The next day when I get off work, I see her grinning ear to ear.)

Me: “Was your ride home okay?”

Sister: “Yup! He tried to pull my shirt up, but I hit him in the throat! He started crying!”

(She didn’t get in trouble for defending herself.)

(My family is watching a movie. My teenage sister steps out for a while.)

Sister: “What did I miss?”

Mom: “[Character] was killed in battle, and [Brad Pitt’s character] went nuts. He stripped off his uniform, charged the enemy lines, and came back with a bunch of German scalps.”

Sister: *pause* “Brad Pitt was naked?”