Brushing Aside The Truth

, , , , , | Related | June 14, 2017

(I’m not very good with children, and quite the science nerd. While visiting my sister, I have this interaction with my nephew, who is five years old.)

Nephew: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Nephew: “Why don’t penguins have teeth?”

(I, not wanting to make anything up, decide to give him a very quick overview of evolution.)

Me: “Well, they don’t need them. You see their ancestors came from really little birds who couldn’t—”

(Out of nowhere.)

Sister: “Their teeth fell out when they stopped brushing them!”

(My nephew gets a horrified expression and RUNS to the bathroom, and immediately starts trying to brush his teeth.)

Me: *incredulously* “That was mean.”

Sister: “It’s called being a mom!”

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It’s A Family Affair

, , , , , | Learning | June 13, 2017

(I am riding the bus on the way home from school when I happen to hear this from a few seats behind me.)

Classmate #1: *pointing out the window at a high school girl* “Wow, look at her! Do you think she’s a prostitute?”

Classmate #2: “That’s my sister!”

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Levelling Up In The Game Of Life

, , , | Related | June 12, 2017

(I’m moving out of my dad’s house and packing all of my things to take them with me. My kid sister is horrified to find that I’m taking about a third of the video games with me, including several of her favorites.)

Sister: “You can’t take those! Those are Daddy’s!”

Me: “No, they’re not. All of these are mine. I either bought them myself or was given them as birthday or Christmas gifts.”

Sister: “Well, you can’t take that one either! That one’s mine!”

Me: “No, it’s not. I pre-ordered this game and paid for about $50 worth of DLC missions. It’s mine and it’s coming with me.”

Sister: “But I play it!”

Me: “That doesn’t make it suddenly yours.”

Sister: “But you can’t take them because you don’t have anything to play them on!”

Me: “I just bought a PS3 so I can play them.”

(She then ran off and told our dad that I was stealing all of her video games, and then threw a tantrum and started screaming that it was unfair that I was allowed to take my property with me. A week prior she was happy to hear that I was leaving so she could have my room. Apparently she thought that meant she could keep my stuff, too.)

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Working On The Heart Of The Roman Empire

, , , | Learning Related | June 6, 2017

(My brother is helping me study for my hematology exam and asks to see when one of my books was printed.)

Brother: “202. Makes more sense, seems like much of this was invented in the tens.”

Me: “Sorry, when?”

Brother: “202.”

Me: “Hopefully it’s 2002.”

Brother: “Oh, yeah! I didn’t know the Roman doctors were so advanced!”

(My brother the Latinist, ladies and gentlemen.)

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Only Periodically Interrupted

, , , , , | Related | May 26, 2017

(My sister and I are very close, but lately we haven’t had any time together to just chat without the husbands and sons around. We are sitting in my living room, just catching up, and having normal conversation about nothing in particular and have finally cracked the code for personal time. My husband walks in and sits down.)

Sister: *without missing a beat* “…and so I’m reasonably sure it’s not related to my period…”

(Husband walks out.)

Me: “Yeah, it works every time. So you were saying?” *normal conversation*

(Her twelve-year-old son walks in.)

Me: “…so you don’t think that any of this could be related to your menstrual cycle?”

Sister: “No, it’s been normal flow and consistency…”

Son: “Okay, I’m out of here.”

(Her son RUNS out; normal conversation resumes; her husband walks in again.)

Me: “…well, PMS can cause that if you recently…”

(Her husband walked out. We were not disturbed again!)

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