Only Periodically Interrupted

, , , , , | Related | May 26, 2017

(My sister and I are very close, but lately we haven’t had any time together to just chat without the husbands and sons around. We are sitting in my living room, just catching up, and having normal conversation about nothing in particular and have finally cracked the code for personal time. My husband walks in and sits down.)

Sister: *without missing a beat* “…and so I’m reasonably sure it’s not related to my period…”

(Husband walks out.)

Me: “Yeah, it works every time. So you were saying?” *normal conversation*

(Her twelve-year-old son walks in.)

Me: “…so you don’t think that any of this could be related to your menstrual cycle?”

Sister: “No, it’s been normal flow and consistency…”

Son: “Okay, I’m out of here.”

(Her son RUNS out; normal conversation resumes; her husband walks in again.)

Me: “…well, PMS can cause that if you recently…”

(Her husband walked out. We were not disturbed again!)

1 Thumbs
570

Ain’t That The Bleeding Truth

, , | Related | January 5, 2017

(My sister and I are going down on a lift. It jolts slightly between floors and moments later my sister whispers in my ear.)

Sister: “I need a tampon!”

Me: “A tampon?”

Sister: “Did I stutter? Get me one!”

(I’m at a loss as to how I can make one magically appear, so I turn to the rest of the lift.)

Me: “ANYONE GOT A TAMPON?”

(My sister goes red in the face as two women look quizzically at me and then to my sister. One of them produces a single tampon from her handbag and hands it to her. The rest of the lift is relatively un-phased other than some smirking. My sister runs out and to the nearest toilet where I wait for her.)

Sister: *while coming out* “That was EMBARRASSING. Why would you do that?”

Me: “I’m a guy and we were in a lift. What else could I do?”

Sister: “I… I suppose you’re right. I guess I wasn’t thinking. Still embarrassing though!”

Me: *smirking* “Funny, too.”

(I still tease her about it from time to time.)

1 Thumbs
347

Going Ape Over The New Baby

, , | Related | December 1, 2016

When my younger sister was born, my parents announced it with several banners throughout the house proclaiming “It’s a girl!,” including one on the nursery door. I was two, nearly three, so while I could recognize certain letters, I couldn’t read.

My mother found me standing on front of the nursery room door, staring at the banner with an intense look of concentration.

Why? Because I was convinced the sign said “It’s a gorilla!”

1 Thumbs
217

Sadly You’re Still A Nuclear Family

, , , , | Related | May 3, 2016

(My brother, my grandfather and I have just gotten on a boat going down the river Thames. We see a boat with a diver under the water.)

Brother: “What are they diving for?”

Grandfather: “I heard the captain say that they found a bomb from World War 2.”

Brother: “Why is there still a bomb there?”

Me: “When London was bombed, not all of them went off, so they just stayed there.”

Brother: “Is it like, one of those big ones they dropped on China?”

Me: “What…?”

Brother: “You know, one of those really big ones?”

Me: “Do you mean the atomic bombs that were dropped in Japan?”

Brother: “Yeah, those.”

Me: “So, you think that there is an unexploded atomic bomb in the middle of London, no one is panicking and they sent one diver to get it?”

Brother: “…Yes?”

Me: “How are we related?”

1 Thumbs
266

The Car That Ate Up Dinner

, , , | Related | October 30, 2015

(My mom’s car is a little older and she has to work on it frequently. She’s just told us she has to do some quick fixing on it.)

Brother: “So we should not plan on you making dinner?”

Mother: “It’s just [a quick and easy thing to fix].”

Brother: “You never just fix one thing on your car. You go to do a five minute oil change and then end up spending four hours on about six other things to fix.”

(After spending a few seconds looking at my brother and thinking:)

Mother: “Yeah. Don’t count on me making dinner.”

1 Thumbs
214