The Honor Is All Hers

, , , , | Related | July 14, 2017

(My younger sister is playing video games at home. She has just finished crushing someone in a fight.)

Sister: *laughing maniacally* “Ha-ha, I have WON AGAIN!”

Sister: *listening to other players*

Sister: *to other players* “But it’s an honor to lose to me!”

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Seoul Trek

, , , , | Related | July 13, 2017

(I was talking with my sister and some friends one day and somehow the conversation turned to the countries of North and South Korea. My sister was trying to think of the Demilitarized Zone, but couldn’t quite get it.)

Sister: “So, if you were to cross over the Neutral Zone…”

Me: “Wouldn’t that put you into Romulan space?”

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Will Be A While Before You Can Top That

, , , , , , | Related | July 13, 2017

(My brother, his girlfriend, and I are having dinner together the day after Mother’s Day. It is the first one since we lost our grandma, whose grave we visited for the day. At that, my brother mentions his girlfriend doesn’t like some of the jokes he makes about Grandma’s death, which include his accidental attempt to put Dad into the grave with her. We’ve just finished talking about Grandma’s husband, who died when we were young and had the same name as our father.)

Brother: “I never knew him, so it’s freaky to see Dad’s name on a grave.”

Me: “I sorta remember him, but I always forget you were five.” *to his girlfriend* “It’s been seventeen years since he died. Grandma spent years without him.”

Girlfriend: “It’s kinda nice, though, to think they’re together now.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Brother: “Now she gets to be on top.”

Me & Girlfriend: *freeze, stare at another, then burst out laughing*

Brother: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT! I MEANT SHE’S NOW THE BOSS!”

Me & Girlfriend: *laugh more*

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She’s Totally Lost It

, , , | Related | July 12, 2017

(I am 17, my brother, 16, and our sister is about 12. It is long before GPS units and cell phones. Our parents go away for a weekend and leave us the keys to the car and some money so we can take ourselves out to dinner for a treat. As we’re heading back home from dinner, my brother, riding shotgun, convinces me that we should go driving through an area known for fun-to-drive, windy roads. Our sister, in the back seat, starts to get nervous about us not going straight home.)

Sister: “But what if Mom and Dad call and we’re not home?”

Brother: “Then they’ll either leave a message or call back later.”

Sister: *getting whiny* “But they’ll worry! We should go straight home!”

Brother: “Stop freaking out. We’ll be home before they realize we went for a drive.”

(We drive around for about a half hour, and I realize I know a back-roads way to get home from there, which I take. My brother recognizes what I’m doing and gives me a gentle elbow, then a wink.)

Brother: *sounding worried* “Gee, I don’t recognize this area. [My Name], are you sure you know where we are?”

Me: “Of course I do. I know exactly where we are.”

Brother: “Are you sure? Are you sure we’re not lost?”

Me: “Well… I think I know where we are.”

Sister: *whimpers*

Brother: *pretending to be angry* “Oh, great. We’re lost again! Geez. You did this last time we went driving, too.”

Sister: *starting to cry and panic* “Oh, my god. Mom and Dad are going to kill us. I knew we shouldn’t have done this. Oh, my god. We’re lost. We’re lost! What are we going to do? How are we going to get home?!”

(Five minutes later I pull into our driveway and our sister stops crying. Our parents go away two more times that year and both times leave us the car. Each time we go to dinner and then for a drive, during which we ‘get lost,’ only to have our sister cry and panic because she is sure we will never get home. Twenty years later, I am talking to my mother about her recent move into a new apartment.)

Mother: “Your sister came up to help me, which was great. After we finished we went out to dinner and the strangest thing happened!”

Me: “Oh?”

Mother: “I’m not too familiar with this area yet. Coming home I made a wrong turn. I said, ‘Gee, I think we’re lost’ and your sister started crying!”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Mother: “Oh, no. [My Name], WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

(I tell my mother about the three times they went away for a weekend, how we would go for a drive and pretend to ‘get lost,’ and our sister’s reaction to it.)

Mother: “You are such bad kids! You traumatized your little sister!” *pauses for a moment, then laughs a bit* “Actually, I can’t believe she fell for it three times!”

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You Just Lettuce Happen

, , , , | Related | July 12, 2017

(My mom is in the kitchen eating a salad she just made and I am sitting at the counter a few feet away. My brother walks in just as my mom tilts the bowl, stabs a piece of lettuce, and spills the salad all over the floor, startling everyone with the clatter of the fork.)

Brother: “What happened?!”

Mom: “I tossed my salad!” *proceeds to crack up*

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