Hearts, Stars, And Horseshoes… And The Yucky

, , , , | Related | April 29, 2020

I am thirteen and my little brother is eight. My mom buys a box of cereal with a leprechaun on the front.

Me: “Mom, don’t buy that. It’s gross.”

Mom: “Huh?”

Me: “That cereal should be called ‘Yucky Charms.’ They’re not delicious. Get me some Mini Wheats.”

Mom: “Your brother loves it.”

Me: “But, Mom, he only likes the marshmallows!”

As predicted, my bratty brother eats only the marshmallows of the cereal and leaves the rest for weeks.

Me: “Mom, we need more cereal!”

Mom: “There is still some left.” 

She points to the semi-eaten box.

Me: “I’m not eating that. Your kid ate only the marshmallows. They’re ‘Yucky Charms.’ He ate all the charms and left only the yucky!”

Mom was mad at him for only eating the sweet stuff and not all of it, and at me for refusing to finish it. She refused to buy any more and that box sat there for YEARS until she pulled it down and wondered aloud why it was there. I explained again and she just shook her head and put it back!

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A Whisker Away From Insanity

, , , , , | Related | April 23, 2020

While working from home during the recent global health crisis, I post a picture online of my cat cuddling my laptop and mock-complain that my work calls are being interrupted by purring. The following comment exchange ensues between me and my sisters. 

Sister #1: “In-purr-upted?”

Sister #2: “I am proud of that pun. It is purrfect.” 

Me: *Pause* “Get out.”

Sister #1: “Aww. Do I have to leave right meow?” 

Me: “I guess you can stay for a mew minutes.” 

Sister #2: “You have got to be kitten me! She can stay fur as long as she likes!” 

Remember that laughter helps reduce stress! Stay safe and keep smiling, everyone!

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Brotherly Love Is Always Cool

, , , , | Related | April 18, 2020

I’ll be in a different country for a month because of a college project. I’m still living with my family, and my brother has some friends over as I’m walking out of the door with my suitcase. 

Trying to look cool in front of them, my brother barely acknowledges me as I wave goodbye. Then, one of his buddies slaps him on the shoulder.

Friend: “Dude! She’s going overseas, not to the corner store! At least give her a hug!”

I got my hug.

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But That, Dear Children, Is Cannibalism

, , , , , | Related | April 15, 2020

At my house, we have a wood fire chimney. Today, the fire is burning nicely and I find my sister standing in front of it warming herself up. However, she is slowly spinning around on the spot.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Sister: “Spinning around like a roast on a spit.”

Me: “Stop that; you are not a piece of roast meat.”

Sister: “But Sis, we are made of meat.”

I could not argue about that.

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If There Is Anyone Who Doesn’t Deserve Candy…

, , , , , | Right | April 13, 2020

(I’m ringing a young girl up at my candy store, and she’s a dollar short on her purchase. She turns to another, younger girl, who looks to be around nine or ten years old.)

Older Girl: “Go get Mom?”

Younger Girl: “No.”

Older Girl: “What? Come on, go get Mom.”

Younger Girl: “No!”

Older Girl: “I don’t have enough money!”

Younger Girl: “So?”

Older Girl: “Go. Get. Mom!”

Younger Girl: “NO!”

(Visibly frustrated and upset, the older girl turns to me.)

Older Girl: “Is it okay if I run and get my mom real quick? I just need another dollar.”

Me: “It’s fine. I’ll hold your bag for you.”

(The older girl runs off, and I frown at the younger girl. Seeing me looking at her — and apparently COMPLETELY misinterpreting my expression — the younger girl beams at me proudly.)

Younger Girl: *smugly* “I never do anything anyone tells me to!”

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