Their Real Selves Bear Teeth

, , , , , , | Healthy | February 15, 2019

(I’m at the dentist, and he suggests I go to the hygienist for a clean, etc. I say okay, though I’m not convinced I need it. I’ve not been to the dentist for a couple of years, but my teeth are in great shape, as I look after them well. The following conversation proves me right, and I have not been back since.)

Hygienist: “You know, your teeth are quite incredibly clean considering it’s been six months since we last saw you.”

Me: “Actually, it’s been two years since you last saw me.”

Hygienist: “Well, you really should have come in before now, then! Your teeth need a clean!”

Me: *long pause* “Goodbye.”

Unfiltered Story #125645

, , , | Unfiltered | November 12, 2018

(I am working at a poetry event which has an outdoor market area for visitors; basically, a market in a field. The couple on the next stall come over, not twenty minutes after they even opened, with this:)

Vendor: “I can’t believe it, I’ve been f****** told off already by the organisers.”

Me: “Why? What did you do?”

Vendor: “I called a customer a c***.”

Me: “Wow. What did he do to earn that?”

Vendor: “Well, he was just messing up the displays, clearly wasn’t going to buy anything, and I didn’t sleep that well, plus I have a hangover.”

Me: “So did he buy anything?”

Vendor: “No!”

Me: “Then he wasn’t a customer, he was a browser. F*** him. C***.”