Won’t Take This Sitting Down

, , , , , , , | Right | December 27, 2018

(I’m picking up a few last-minute, small presents four days before Christmas. As expected, it’s absolute chaos. This centre has mobility scooters and wheelchairs shoppers can hire. I’m a complete paraplegic and have my own, very expensive, custom-made wheelchair that looks nothing like the ones you can hire. After my second shop, a lady approaches me.)

Lady: “You need to give me that.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I’m confused, as I have only picked up a necklace for my wife that I’d had custom made.)

Lady: “That wheelchair. You need to give it to me.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is my chair; I need it. Customer service has wheelchairs you can hire.”

(I turn away.)

Lady: *now yelling while grabbing the back of my chair* “They don’t have any left, and my mother needs this wheelchair!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is my own chair. I’m sorry, but you can’t have it.”

Lady: *still yelling and holding my chair* “Listen, you little s***. My mother needs this wheelchair; you will let her use it, because you’re just a lazy piece of s*** that can’t be bothered to walk.”

(She tipped the back of the chair forward, effectively landing me on the ground, and took off with my chair. A crowd of people had stopped and someone went to a nearby shop to get me a seat while I waited for security. Another shopper who was an off-duty paramedic checked me over. Security found the lady in the car-park and held her until the police showed up. She was charged with theft and assault.)

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It’s Father’s Day, Read All About It!

, , , , | Related | November 28, 2017

(It is the day before Father’s Day and I am taking my four-year-old daughter shopping.)

Me: “[Daughter], tomorrow is Father’s Day and we need to buy Daddy a present. What do you want to get for him?”

Daughter: “Um… A newspaper.”

Me: “You want to buy Daddy a newspaper for Father’s Day? Remember that we are getting him something to show that we love him.”

Daughter: “Yes, a newspaper that he loves.”

Me: *instantly a bit worried about her understanding of the word “newspaper,” as we never read them at home* “Do you know what a newspaper is?”

Daughter: “It’s… Um… It’s a book.”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s kind of like a book.”

(She is distracted by something else, and I decide to see where this is going. Thirty minutes later, we are in a kiosk, and she has been pointing to various gossip magazines trying to decide which one to buy. I try to gently guide her towards the actual newspapers to show her what they are, but suddenly she finds the perfect one.)

Daughter: *delighted gasp* “Mommy! Dinosaurs! It’s a dinosaur newspaper! We can buy this one. Can we buy this one?”

Me: “That is a very nice dinosaur magazine; do you want to buy it for Daddy?”

Daughter: “Yes, because he loves dinosaurs, and I do, too.”

Me: “Well, okay, then. Let’s buy it.”

Daughter: *giggles and bounces all the way to the cashier*

(And that’s how he got a kid’s magazine about dinosaurs as a Father’s Day gift this year. He was delighted, and spent time reading it to her the next day.)

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